NaySlayer

Lost, But Not Forgotten

2011-04-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

I have been MIA...you see I was on the flight, Oceanic flight 815. Seriously, I will finally get around to posting the remaining Lost essays (on the final season) soon. I guess I needed a break from the fictional love of my life, but it's time to revisit the island. I think I'll start my rewatch tonight. I'm in the mood...

Myths, Ghost Stories & Jungle Noises in the Night

2010-06-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

(Do not read until after you have seen the Lost
season six episode, The Package. Written and
originally published on Wednesday, March 31, 2010.)

Interesting that in this Flash-Sideways, Sun has a
mirror moment (while Keamy was knocking on the door),
but Jin does not. Along with mirror glances, there's
also a "cutting list" forming:
-Jack inspects a cut on his neck in the mirror in the
premiere, LA X. It looks like he cut himself shaving.
-Sawyer cuts himself punching the mirror.
-Sun cuts her hand in the garden on the island.
-Jin's head is cut when Omar knocks it against the
freezer door.

After Jin's head is knocked on the freezer door,
Keamy says to him: "You don't understand a word
I'm saying, do you?" I actually think at that moment
Jin does understand him. He responds with "thank you"
to Keamy. He also says "free" moments later
to Sayid. Earlier in the episode Jin says the common
things one says in a foreign country when not
knowing the language like "no English," but "free?"
It's almost like knocking his head does something,
makes him remember language he learned on the island,
makes him aware of another world, another consciousness.

To mirror that, after Sun knocks her head against
the tree on the island, she can no longer speak English.
Does head knocking raise ones consciousness and / or
merge the two worlds? As she was dying, Juliet was able
to go in and out of the two worlds after the blast.
And Desmond's flashes, time traveling, awareness between
two worlds seem to be connected to him hitting his head
as in the season three episode, Flashes Before Our Eyes.
He wakes up on the floor, near a fallen ladder, in the
London flat he shares with Penny. This comes in the
narrative right after he turns the fail-safe key
in the hatch on the island.

Widmore wanted Zoe and the people working for him to
stick to a certain plan and time-line. Is that because
he needs Desmond to get to the island and / or meet the
MIB at a certain time? Also, Widmore has a geophysicist
(Zoe) working for him. She has the grid maps that the
Dharma folks used to identify pockets of electromagnetism.
Do these pockets have something to do with the ability to
control smokey and / or the power behind the island?

Sun was writing with a black sharpie at the end during
the "stubborn tomato" scene with Jack. The black sharpie
and her writing to communicate reminded me of Charlie.
First, when he wrote out a list to give Claire - with a
black sharpie, in the season three episode, Greatest Hits.
And also when he wrote Not Penny's Boat on his hand with
the black sharpie to communicate to Desmond when he
couldn't say it.

We all know Hurley is walking around in a red shirt and
has been all season, just as Juliet did in season five.
Sun, Ilana, and Ben are all wearing some shade of purple
in this episode. (Keamy also had purple stripes in his shirt
and we already know he's dead in both worlds, well - dying
slowly in the Flash-Sideways.) Ilana has changed out of her
Merlot colored shirt, but into purple. The shades of purple
make me nervous because purple can be defined as a deep red,
crimson or as having components of both blue and red.
And what color is Desmond wearing in the last scene? Looks
like a dark red or purple to me in this photo:
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100331145140/lostpedia/images/b/b2/6X10_DesmondBack.jpg

With Sun shot and pregnant in the Flash-Sideways world,
is she going to be taken to a popular LA hospital? And
who will be her doctor? Jack? Ethan (who was Claire's in
the sideways) or Juliet? Having it be Juliet would be a
nice parallel to the season three episode, D.O.C., when
Juliet takes Sun to a Dharma station to give her an
ultrasound.

Sun being shot in the Flash Sideways also brings into
focus the question: How does one being hurt or dead in
one world affect the other? My hope is that when one
dies in one reality, the personas merge and continue
to live fully in the other reality. Since the island
appears to be survival of the fittest with the last
man standing vs Flocke, this would mean that those
who die on the island, (everyone else) would then
live on, fully conscious in the sideways world.
That would clarify what was going on with Juliet
as she was dying in Sawyer's arms. She was becoming
aware of the other world, waking up to the dual
reality. This would also fit with the theory that
one candidate will replace Jacob to stay on the island
and protect it against Flocke / MIB while everyone
else lives on in their sideways world. Talk about
(almost) happy endings!

With Jack holding out his hand and Sun accepting it,
but not accepting Locke's, it's sure looking like
Jack is the candidate to replace Jacob, but I still
say that's too obvious. In his mind at least, Jack
has accepted the job.

When Keamy was in the icebox with Jin, I had to
listen to the dialog a few times because it sounded
like: "Gotta strap you in here in case you figure
out what's about to happen to the island. Can't
have you freaking out." That's what it sounded like,
but when I added the captions it said: "Gotta strap
you in here in case you figure out what's about to
happen to ya. Can't have you freaking out."
Interesting that when the line was delivered it
sounded like he said Island - even after the
fourth listen.

Flocke told Claire that Kate's name is not on
the list - and this is true on the cave list, but
her name is on the lighthouse list. Darlton confirmed
in the latest podcast that the cave is a decoy so
that Flocke would not have a correct list. In this
season' s The Lighthouse, Hurley tells Jack that
they probably didn't see the lighthouse earlier
because they weren't looking for it. Since Flocke
has the list on the cave wall, why would he think
to look for the lighthouse?

Sun's said to Jin in the hotel room that "no one
is watching them." Obviously, Jacob has been watching
them for years (at least in one reality) and her father
has been spying on them because he knows about their
relationship. Sun's name in the flash-sideways is not
Kwon (at least not yet). Is this a wink-wink to Jin
being the candidate and not Sun?

Ironic that Sun's father is who saves Jin's life
because he closed Sun's bank account. If Sun came
back with that money, Keamy would have been paid
and then killed Jin. In the season one episode,
In Translation, Jin tells Sun's father that his
dream is open a restaurant and marry Sun. Yet,
in the flash sideways, that dream is literally
shot, when Sun is shot in a restaurant.

We saw the return of room 23, which the Others
used after purging the Dharma folks. It's where
Ben put Carl in season three to keep him away
from Alex. When Jin turns on the projection,
he sees a series of images, some Egyptian,
along with the phrases:
Think about your life
We are the causes of our own suffering
Everything Changes (I think this last one is a
nod to next week and Damon Lindelof's tweet
last night: In one week the conversation is
going to change.)

(Other) Mikhail returns in the sideways world
with a reference to him being (Other) Danny's
friend. In his island life, Mikhail had an eye
patch, and we find out later, a glass eye.
His life ends in the sideways world
with a shot through the same eye. Is that
because he was such a rat on the island?
If you are a bad guy on the island, does
that determine your fate in the sideways world?

There is a lot of characters quoting other
characters in this episode. Flocke quotes Widmore
back to Widmore when he says: A wise man once said
that a war was coming to this island. Widmore said
that to John Locke when Locke ended up in the
desert after leaving the island, in the season five
episode, The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham.

After Widmore berates Zoe for getting Jin too soon,
he says "what's done is done." Sawyer said that to
Juliet in the season five episode, The Little Prince.
Flocke tells Claire that after he uses Kate to help
get the people he needs on the plane, "whatever happens,
happens." This was a phrase used by Faraday in seasons
five as well as the title of a Kate-centric season
five episode. Speaking of Kate, I'm starting to
think that this season's earlier episode title
What Kate Does, refers not just to that episode,
but to the whole season, as in, Kate does something
big to mess with the MIB's plan.

I love Desmond being back on the island, except having
both Desmond and Widmore back doesn't not bode well for
my beloved Ben. The last time Ben saw Desmond was on
the Long Beach wharf where Ben shot him in the
season five episode, Dead is Dead.

Is Widmore really on Jacob's side? Just because he
wants to make sure that the MIB doesn't leave the
island? I think Widmore is there to defeat the MIB
so he can have access to the island's power for his
own use. I think the island is the powerful thing,
not Jacob or the MIB. I think they have tapped into
the island's power, that the island is where they get
their powers to heal, infect, control, etc. And I
think that is what Widmore wants.

Last week the MIB told Richard that Jacob took his
body, his humanity. What if the MIB isn't the evil
entity on the island, but his body was provided
(by Jacob, and / or by their mother) to contain
the evil - the evil being the black smoke. That
like the jar of wine, the MIB is a container for
the black smoke. The black smoke is the evil,
not the MIB - which would explain why he wants out,
he's trapped against his will, containing the evil.
He has said over and over that he was once a man -
like in the conversation with Kate about his mother
in the episode, Recon. The MIB is not the
genie in the bottle, but the bottle itself.

Again, thinking of Damon Lindelof's post on twitter
last night (in one week, the conversation is going to
change), will it be that the MIB is housing evil and
is not evil himself? Or will the conversation about
the island change? Maybe the island is not an
underworld, not a prison cell, not a bad thing, but
a Garden of Eden, a good thing, a place of temptation
/ chance for redemption. Do those who make the "right
choice" on the island (even if they die on the island),
live happily in the side-ways world? If they redeem
themselves on the island, do they get the happy side-ways
ending? If Desmond makes an ultimate sacrifice on the
island, for the island, does he get to live happily
with Penny and little Charlie in an alternate reality?
Next week's episode, which is Desmond-centric, is called,
Happily Ever After.

Is the conversation-changer Desmond himself? Desmond,
Faraday's constant, who Faraday said is uniquely special;
that the rules don't apply to him.

So with a Desmond-centric episode next week, perhaps
we will finally get just what rules don't apply to him
and why. In next week's teaser, bagpipes are playing
Amazing Grace. The bagpipes are a nod to Desmond.
Amazing Grace is a song of hope, of resurrection:
"I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but
now I see." The Desmond episodes are always
eye-openers, with season four's time-jumping
The Constant being one of my all-time favorite episodes.
I expect next week will be no exception. Here's hoping
we finally find out what makes Desmond the exception.

- J

Jacob Helps Those Who Help Themselves

2010-06-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

(Do not read until after you have seen the Lost season six
episode, Ab Aeterno. Written and originally published on
Wednesday, March 24, 2010.)

According to surveys, 8 out of 10 Americans believe that
the phrase, God helps those that help themselves, is in
the Bible. It's not.

What is in the Bible, specifically the passage from the
book of Luke that Richard's was open to when the Man In
Black takes it from him, a passage that matches our
numbers (4:23): Jesus said to them, "I know that you will
tell me the old saying: 'Doctor, heal yourself.' You want
to say, 'We heard about the things you did in Capernaum.
Do those things here in your own town!' " Then (in verse 24)
Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, a prophet is not
accepted in his hometown."

Before in the same chapter, Jesus is tempted in the desert
for forty days and goes without food; Luke 4:13 - After the
devil had tempted Jesus in every way, he left him to wait
until a better time. That sounds like the MIB telling
Richard that his offer to reunite Richard with his wife
always stands. Interesting, too, that later in Luke 4, we
get the story of how Jesus goes to Capernaum and forces an
evil spirit out of a man.

The main thing I take from this passage is that while
the people were expecting a Messiah for a long time (like
our Losties expecting rescue or Ben / Richard / John Locke
expecting a certain kind of Jacob), Jesus was not the type of
messiah they had been expecting. If Jacob is good and the MIB
is evil which is the way things are looking, then Jacob -
bringing people to the island, leaving them to help themselves
and most of them dying - is not the kind of messiah most would
expect him to be. In fact if we could do a body count, his might
be higher than that of my beloved Ben Linus. If Jacob was very
God-like in this episode, Richard was Christ-like, serving to
spread the word of Jacob on the island, working to convince
non-believers.

Or you could view Jacob as Christ-like and Richard as
Peter, the leader of the church, and therefore Christ's
representative on Earth. Christ asks Peter three times
if he loves Him and afterwards, Peter is in charge of
leading the church and advising new followers on right
and wrong. Richard was asked three times by Mr. Whitfield
if he spoke English. Jacob asked Richard three
times if he wished to drown, before Richard yelled
that he wanted to live, in a sense baptizing Richard -
just moments later, RIchard was given Eternal life.

By the way, in the scene where Richard is sold to Hanso,
when the Father introduces, Mr. Whitfield, I thought at
first he was going to say Mr. Widmore. Those names are
similar on purpose and perhaps it's not just a wink, wink
from the writers. Perhaps, over time, the name Whitfield
evolved into Widmore and he is a relative of Charles
Widmore. That would explain Widmore's lifelong interest
in the island, the Black Rock. Remember he
purchased the journal of the Black Rock's first mate
at an auction, in the season four episode, The Constant.

Interesting that the MIB offered Richard water, while Jacob
offered him wine. Where did Jacob get the wine? Can he turn
water into wine, too?

Parallels:
-In the season six opener, Flocke said to Richard: Good
to see you out of those chains. Tonight, the MIB to Richard:
Good to see you out of those chains.
-In Sundown, Dogen gives Sayid the same dagger and uses the
exact same phrasing (do not hesitate, do not let him say a
word) that the MIB does when telling Richard he must kill
the devil. And it doesn't work either time. Both Sayid and
Richard return from these failed missions with a message
or in Richard's case, a gift, a white rock.

I love the wink-wink play on the Black Rock slamming into
the statue, bringing Richard who rejects the MIB, and who
he later brings a white rock to as a present from Jacob.
Oh,Lost, I love how you flirt. There was also some winking
going on when the writers suggested these popular audience
theories only to (mostly) shoot them down:
-Losties are dead
-Losties are in hell
-The MIB is a genie trapped in a bottle

There was even a wink, wink in having Richardo from
Tenerife, the island in the Canary Islands that is
believed to be the uppermost peak of Atlantis. As we
all know, Atlantis sank to the bottom of the ocean
as does our island, or so it appears from the opening
sequence of the season six episode, LA X. The sinking
of Atlantis left only the highest mountains (Tenerife
being the peak) above sea level. The story of Atlantis
includes twins that were each given a portion of the
island to rule. Atlas was king of the entire island
and ocean. His twin, Gadeirus was given the fringes
of the island towards the Pillars of Hercules.

I've often thought the MIB could only assume the
shape / form of someone who was dead and who's body
was on the island. But now it appears, he just needs
to have something of theirs to assume their shape.
He had Isabella's necklace which he got off Richard's
neck. Richard reached for it when Smokey came to
visit him in the ship and it wasn't there. Talk about
a recon mission. Did you catch the butterfly on screen
at around the thirty-four minute mark of the show's
airing? We see the butterfly flying around the outside
of the Black Rock and then inside around Richard.
Can the MIB take the shape of a butterfly, too?
Why else is it in the shot? Was the MIB the horse Kate
saw in the season two episode, What Kate Did? And the
MIB being able to take shapes of people other than
those who have dead bodies on the island fits with him
taking the shape of little Ben's mother in
the season three episode, The Man Behind The Curtain.
Was he the butterfly spying on the scene inside the
Black Rock? Was he the boar eating human flesh inside
the Black Rock,knocking the piece of metal from Richard's
hand so that Richard would be left with nothing and
have to accept the MIB's offer?

I have a hard time thinking that a wooden ship even
with a ton of force could topple a huge Egyptian statue,
but at least we know how the statue got knocked down.
Back in the season one episode Exodus, part one, Arzt
suggested that the Black Rock was swept inland by a
tidal wave when the Losites first discovered it. I
still think the Black Rock was the ship out in the
ocean when we first met Jacob and the MIB on the beach.
Did Jacob create the storm? He said he brought the
ship to the island.

The key moment in this episode for me was when the MIB
says to Richard: My friend, you and I can talk all day
about what's right or wrong, but the question before
you remains the same. Do you ever want to see your
wife again? The MIB said it as if he'd had the
discussion of right or wrong with Jacob a million
times. He has or will offer similar deals to our
Losties:
Sayid gets to see Nadia
Sawyer wants off the Island (and would like to see
Juliet too, I'm sure, if he knew that could be part
of the deal)
Claire wants Aaron
Jin wants to be reunited with Sun and vice-versa.

ALL of the above IS happening in the Flash-Sideways.
I'm starting to wonder if the Flash-Sideways are not
just about what happened when the bomb went off and
when Jacob doesn't interfere, but it's what happens
if / when the MIB gets his way, gets off the island,
gets "uncorked". Things are going along too well (for
the most part) in the Flash-Sideways world so far.
It looks like Los Angeles, but Dorothy, something
tells me we're not Kansas anymore. Perhaps all the
glances into mirrors, all the looks of recognition
are because these Losites made a deal with the devil
to get their lives back or have them Jacob-free.

Which brings me back to what is the island. It's not
hell, wink-wink. It's not purgatory - because purgatory
is people on their way to heaven, and lets face it,
Ben Linus and Kate Austen aren't waiting to go through
those pearly gates. When Hurley said if Richard doesn't
stop the MIB, we all go to hell, that's because if the
MIB is let out, it tips the scale to evil and all is lost.
The island then is like an underworld, a cell where the fate
of the people on it hasn't been decided yet. If Jacob can
find ONE candidate to contain the evil on the island, to
replace him, then this restores the balance and our Losties
can be saved. If Jacob can't find the one candidate, evil is
released, the island destroyed (sank) and our Losties go to
hell (literally or figuratively, it doesn't matter.)

Now who is the one person. It would be interesting if after
all this time it ends up being Richard, but I think he really
is a messenger, more Peter than Christ. Jack is the obvious
choice. There was a possible clue or just another wink, wink
in last night's enhanced episode, Recon. We were told that
one of Zoe's gunmen were named Seamus. Seamus is Gaelic for
Jacob. Both mean the same thing: One who supplants / deceives
or is a, wait for it... substitute! (I just gave myself
chills.) And one more thing, my beloved, fellow Lost lovers:
Seamus in Gaelic = Jacob in Hebrew = James in English!
(I ask you again, how do you like them dimples?)

All that said, like doe a deer, a female deer, I still
say it comes back to Kate, the wild card, the one who
the MIB cannot manipulate, the one who like Mr. Eko seeks
no redemption for her sins. She's never felt any remorse
for killing her real father, Wayne. She also has
nothing (it appears) in the flash sideways. And unless
it's to raise Aaron who seems much safer with Grandma,
there's no reason for Island Kate to want to go back.
Kate who is in the Judas position on The Lost Supper
photographs; Kate who's name is marked out in the cave,
but not on the lighthouse wheel - perhaps because Jacob
has found a way to fool the MIB into crossing off her
name in the cave. Perhaps Jacob fooled the MIB into
not thinking of Kate as a possible candidate any longer,
because, she is the one.

Will we find out next week which Kwon is a candidate?
One thing is for certain, a shirtless Jin is in our
near future. Josh Holloway was lobbing for it, not
wanting to be the only shirtless Lostie this season.
Hey, Josh, next time, can you lobby for a shirtless
Ilana or Juliet? Like, maybe, when we see Jules in the
Flash-Sideways world? Wink, wink.

Until shirtless Jin,
- J

How do you like them dimples?

2010-06-10T13:13:00.000-07:00

(Don't read until after you have watched
the Lost season six episode, Recon.
Written and originally published on
Wednesday, March 17, 2010.)

This morning Amazon.com sent me an email that
started with "as someone who has shown an interest
in Lost..." Amazon, if you only knew. By the way,
the store at abc.com is selling the campfire-style
mug that Sawyer had in his hand at the son-of-a-b*tch
start of last night's episode as well as the "Ben" mug
that Ben was using in last week's teacher lounge
scene should you want either. Or you can just come
visit me in a month or so and drink from mine. Lost
ending soon is not a bad thing when it comes to my
disposable income.

Okay, on to important things like Little House.
This is the second time that Little House on the
Prairie is referenced with Sawyer. The first time is
during season three, in the episode entitled Tricia
Tanaka Is Dead. Kate teases Sawyer for calling it
"Little House" and he admits that he watched
the show as a little boy when he had mono for two
months.

The top book in Sawyer's place was Watership Down
which he read on the island. The last book in the
stack was Lancelot by Walker Percy. It is the story
of a revengeful (not romantic) knight who murders his
wife after discovering that he is not the father or
her youngest daughter. He ends up in a mental hospital
with memories that don't seem worth remembering - that
thought in itself is in direct contrast to what Charles
Ingalls was saying to his daughter Laura Ingalls in the
Little House scene Sawyer was watching.

The opening "con" scene where Sawyer is in bed with
a woman and "accidentally" spills cash references not
one, but two earlier Sawyer flash-back episodes. The
first one was season one's Confidence Man where Sawyer
DOES pull the con over on Jessica in the hotel room
only to abort the con when he sees her little boy at
her home later. (Much like Ben aborts killing Penny
when he sees young Charlie.) Sawyer tries the very
same con again in the season two episode, The Long Con,
only Cassidy doesn't buy it. She sees right through
him and asks him to teach her the long con in that
episode.

It appears that Sawyer is in the middle of a long
con in both his flash-sideways and on the island.
He is playing both the MIB and Widmore on the island,
and, even though he is a cop (a sideways difference
that I love because it isn't all that different from
when he and Miles worked security together for the
Dharma Initiative), James is using his resources to
find the man responsible for killing his parents.
Now just when is Ana Lucia gonna show up along side
James and Miles in the LAPD? Will she be one of the
cops in hot pursuit of Kate? (Or is she Miles'
girlfriend? Although my money is on Naomi Dorit
as his GF.)

Speaking of pursing Kate, why would James, being
a cop, let Kate get away in the airport? Remember
he saw her in the elevator earlier this season
wearing handcuffs. Yes, James seems obsessed with
finding Anthony Cooper, but it seems there is more
to it than him having to admit that he was on flight
815, etc., if he had brought Kate in. There's that
odd look of recognition on his face when he sees Kate...

There's a nice contrast in this episode that opens
with Detective James conning a woman and then later
- on the island - a woman played by actress / S Factor
guru Sheila Kelley cons him. The episode is titled
Recon. That's recon as in reconnaissance with the MIB
saying to Sawyer: "I want you to do some recon." It's
also Sawyer getting ready to con again. Plus, Widmore
seemed prepared for Sawyer like he knew that James was
coming. Zoe yelled out "he's here." The MIB seemed
unsurprised that it was Widmore at the Hydra station.
It feels like Sawyer is the one being conned here...
yet again. (Remember Ben conned the con to get his
respect in the season three episode, Every Man for
Himself.)

Notice how after all these years of searching for
the island, Widmore was being a hermit in the Submarine
when James arrived. That's because he was banished,
he's not supposed to (or can't) return to the island -
that's the rules. (Of course, Widmore has broken the
rules before.) Why did the MIB send Sawyer to Hydra
island and not go himself? The MIB and Widmore both
still seem trapped / stuck / cannot access the one
thing they want. What needs to transpire to finally
get Widmore on the island and the MIB off of it?

Speaking of Hydra Island, Leonard Cohen was living on
Hydra, a Greek island, when he wrote Bird on the Wire,
the intro music used last night and the week before
introducing this episode. The lyrics fit: Like a bird
on the wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have
tried in my way to free. Like a worm on a hook, like a
KNIGHT from some old fashioned(Lancelot) book, I have
saved all my ribbons for thee. Like a baby, stillborn,
like a beast with his horn, I have torn everyone who
reached out for me (hello, smokey). But I swear by this
song and by all that I have done wrong, I will make it
all up to thee.

That last line seems to be what the MIB is promising
to everyone. And another sign that Sawyer's plan to
leave the island on the Submarine is not going to work:
(aside from the fact that since when does he know how
to work a Submarine?!) Leaving via Sub NEVER works!

-It didn't work when Juliet and Jack tried to leave in
the season three episode, the Man from Tallahassee.
(Locke blew up the sub.)
-It didn't work when Juliet and Sawyer tried to leave
in the season five episode, Follow the Leader.
(Kate showed up to ask them for help.) And it's not
gonna work this time. What a nice parallel to Locke
blowing up the first one if Flocke were to blow it
up this time. Something big is in that backpack
he's carrying - we haven't seen him get anything
out of it yet. Something important has to be in
there. Now why would a man so desperate to leave
the island want to blow up a sub? Unless whatever,
or more likely, whoever Widmore has
locked in the room on the sub is worth blowing up.
Desmond?

Flocke wasn't surprised that Widmore was on Hydra
Island because he knew he was there. That's where,
in last weeks Dr. Linus episode, he told Ben to
meet him. He was sending Ben directly to the
sharks, to Widmore where surely Widmore would
have killed Ben.

The numbers on Sawyer's alarm clock were 8:42.
Numbers, Candidates, Sawyer shirt-less, oh my.
It's funny that Flocke called Sawyer "the best
liar that he's ever met" while in the flash-sideways,
Sawyer couldn't lie well at all -
both Charlotte and Miles saw right through him.

For me, the most interesting scene of last night
was between the MIB and Kate, specifically when
the MIB talks about his crazy mother. There are so
many Daddy issues on the show, I find it refreshing
when there's Mommy issues, or maybe it's my own
Mommy issues OR maybe it's because of a certain
Lost casting rumor involving an all time favorite
actress of mine who is six feet tall and has the
amazing range to play a disturbed, crazed
beginning-of-time mother to MIB...and just what
kind of mother would this be?

Well in keeping with the Jacob / MIB comparison
to Jacob and Esau, their mother would be Rebekah
who, while not insane, was deceptive. She conned
Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob even though
it was supposed to go to Esau who was the eldest.
Rebekah might seem to be crazy to Esau. Esau
also would have hated his mother since she helps
the younger Jacob get his father's blessing through
deception.

Perhaps the Adam-and-Eve skeletons go back even
further than we imagined. Perhaps it is this
mother to the MIB, along with father "Isaac" as
in Isaac and Rebekah (Jacob and Esau's folks)
who are entombed in the Cave of Patriarchs,
a very holy, sacred place. Perhaps our cave
skeletons represent / allude to this tale.

Sawyer cracked a mirror in this sideways after
looking into it. Add that to the "mirror reflection
count" in the flash-sideways:
-Jack in the mirror looking at his scar on the flight
-Kate looking in the mirror at the mechanics garage
-Locke in his bathroom
-Sayid in the glass door at Nadia's house
-Ben in the microwave door
Not to mention Jack also cracked the mirror recently
on the island in Jacob's lighthouse. Are the mirrors
meant to represent a looking glass between the two
worlds? If so, which one is the looking glass world
and which one is the "real" world?

There's also more of the "touching" theme in this
episode:
-Flocke holds out his hand to Kate. We never see
her take it.
-Widmore holds out his hand to greet James who
doesn't shake it until they reach an agreement.
-Claire holds Kate's hand and gives her a sly smile
like she just passed on "the infection" to Kate.
Can she? I doubt it. I think only Flocke and
Jacob can heal, bless, curse, and infect others
by touching.

Interesting that the ones most at peace / happy in
the flash-sideways, Jack, Hurley, Ben, Miles are
currently on Team Jacob. Those tormented
in the sideways - Kate, Sawyer, Sayid are currently
with Flocke. I use the terms "with" loosely. Remember,
Miles came to the island working for Widmore.
Could he still be working for Widmore? And lets not be
too quick to assume that Widmore and the MIB are working
against each other. They could be sending each other
messages via Sawyer.

All this and I didn't mention the cages / Skinner boxes
that Sawyer comes across again, now left open and empty...
and the dress that Mr. Friendly asked Kate to wear for
breakfast-with-Ben in the season three episode, A Tale
of Two Cities. That was the dress Kate was still in when
she and Sawyer consummated their relationship in the season
three episode, I Do.

Next week is something I've been waiting over three years
for, an episode dedicated to my crush-with-eyeliner.
The episode is called Ab Aeterno which is Latin for
since the beginning of time.

Until then,
- J

It's Dr. Linus actually (Don't let the sweater vest fool you)

2010-06-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

(Do not read until you have seen the amazing,
wonderful Lost season six episode, Dr. Linus!
This was written and originally published on
Wednesday, March 10, 2010.)

Okay, before I go find everyone who has ever given
me sh*t for loving Ben Linus, let me just marvel in
what is now my all time favorite episode of Lost,
and my all time favorite Lost moment (Ilana, another
Lostie with daddy issues, saying "I'll take you" to Ben.
Ben, just remember I loved you when. How about
the three of us go out for drinks some time.) This is
why I love this show so much. As Jack said to Locke in
the season six premiere LA X - nothing's
irreversible - not even Ben.

The whole time Ben was digging his grave, I keep thinking,
Ilana can't kill him. It's not Jacob's way. Now this is a
"Team Jacob" I want to be on.

I think there is a mole in each team now, or a mole-in-waiting.
I think that's why we got a shot of Miles at the end holding
one of Nikki & Paulo's diamonds. He's not only still greedy,
I believe he may be a mole for the MIB. And I believe
Kate is the mole, the potential betrayer inside Team MIB.
Miles and Kate are both foils. Miles will end up on the
wrong (MIB) side and Kate on the right (Jacob) side.
Remember Miles isn't the only one who can hear / know
people's thoughts before they die. The MIB can too.
We know this because the MIB has told Ben what Locke
was thinking (he was confused) right before he died.
How is it that both of them have the ability to read
a person's thoughts before they die?

More Wizard of Oz imagery - Hurley waking up in the
grass reminded me of the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard
of Oz, sleeping in the poppies. Plus, his behavior at
the entrance of the Black Rock was very Cowardly Lion,
hanging out at the door, afraid of the dynamite, and
giving us arguably the funniest line of the night,
"If you change your mind, I'll be like a mile away."

Aside from the Napoleon reference, Elba scrambled
spells Abel as in Cain and Abel, a reference to MIB
and Jacob, who when we see their back-story, they will
probably end up being brothers of some sort. This has
already been suggested with story references to Jacob
and Esau, another biblical pair of brothers.

It's easy to see the Napoleon / Elba reference in Ben,
having lost his power on the island and being a short
(5' 7") former dictator. But it is also a reference to
the MIB. I think the clue is Ben's last line in that
classroom scene: "He might as well be dead." Napoleon
was exiled to the Island. (Ben, coming and going from
the island, is there by choice.) The MIB has been trapped
on the island, powerless for many years. And he is someone
who isn't dead, but is using a dead man's body in order to
gain his power back and escape exile. So while the reference
works for Ben, it works even better for the MIB.

I love the contrast of Richard, my suicidal crush with
eyeliner, wanting to die and Ben wanting to live in this
episode. I love the parallel of just how important children
were to Ben in both the flash-sideways world and all along
on the island. Ben took the children from flight 815 to the
temple to protect them and used much of his time, energy,
and resources to figure out why women could not give birth
on the island. (His mother died in childbirth, as seen in
The Man Behind the Curtain where Michael Emerson's wife
plays Ben's mother. Nice.) Not to mention "rescuing" Alex
from an insane woman and raising her instead killing baby
Alex which he was instructed to by Widmore. Flash-sideways
Ben chose Alex over his ambition and Island Ben lives in
regret over not choosing Alex. Nice.

And here is a hysterical flash-sideways difference- in the
season three episode, The Man Behind the Curtain, Ben gassed
his father to death. In the Dr. Linus flash-sideways, Ben is
the caregiver for his father, changing his oxygen tank.

Another clue that the flash-sideways pairs you (much like a
parallel universe) with the people that made the biggest
impact to each other on the island: Alex was one of Dr.
Linus' favorite students and he needs her as much as she
needs him. Another hint as to why David Shepard's mother
SHOULD be Juliet. (Just go back and watch the season three
opening episode, Tale of Two Cities to see the impact of
Juliet on Jack and vice versa.)

It was finally confirmed that Richard was on the Black Rock.
He said it was the first time he'd been back to it since he
came to the island. He also gave a knowing look at those
chains. I love the flash-sideways tie in. When Dr. Linus
was helping Alex study in the library, his history book was
open to: Chapter 19, East India Trading Company. And there
on the page was a picture of a ship that looked very much
like the Black Rock.

Speaking of library, in the beach library, there was a
copy of The Chosen by Chaim Potok. It's about two teenager
boys. One excels at mathematics, but desires to be a rabbi -
a man of science longing to be a man of faith. The other is
expected to take the place of his father as a rabbi - a man
of faith, but longs to be a psychologist, a man of science.
And wink, wink, the two boys meet in the book during a
baseball game.

Thanks to Hurley's questioning we learned that Richard is:
a) not a vampire
b) not a cyborg
c) not time traveling

(Curious though why when asked where he came from, he
told Hurley and Jack that they wouldn't believe him. Hmm.)
Richard doesn't age because Jacob gave him a gift.
Richard said that Jacob touching him was a gift and
a curse. (Aren't the best things in life both a blessing
and a curse?) Richard said that since he was touched,
he could not kill himself. This is also why Jack couldn't
kill himself off the island in the season three finale,
Through the Looking Glass. The car crash "stopped" him.
Michael couldn't kill himself either after leaving the
island so at some point Jacob probably touched him, too.
John Locke, who was touched by Jacob, would not have been
successful at hanging himself which is why Ben showed up
and did it for him.

The ending of this episode with Jack, Richard, and Hurley
coming back to the beach, reuniting with everyone there,
and the music swelling reminded me of all the touching
beach reunions of earlier seasons. It was a nice moment
with the music of recent Oscar winner Michael Giachinno.

Just a couple things about Principal Reynolds:
-Reynolds was a name on the lighthouse wheel - one of
Jacob's candidates.
-And this is a stretch, but scramble his full name
"Donald Lawrence Reynolds" and you get: A cloned world
nearly ends. (It's more fun than any crossword puzzle!)

I think Richard was just angry and devastated over Jacob
when he told Hurley not to believe a word Jacob says.
Sometimes, even on Lost, a cigar is a cigar. I don't
think Richard is a mole for the MIB. I think he warned
Hurley away from following Jacob's orders so Hurley
wouldn't wake up one day feeling like your life's work
had no meaning or purpose. I love how Jack has become
the man of faith that Locke tried to make him. And
how it was Jack "shepherding" Richard back to
Team Jacob. (Again, where do I sign up?)

When Jacob told Hurley that someone was coming to
the island, I still think he meant Desmond. I
think so now more than ever. I think that Widmore
plays for Team MIB, and I think he's going to
the Hydra station to meet the MIB and his
recruits. Perhaps the MIB promised Widmore the
same thing that he promised Ben - that he could
be in charge of the island. Widmore wants
the island. I think Desmond is coming to the island
to warn Team Jacob about Widmore. How, who, or what
convinces him to do this has to be a future episode.
Desmond ("the key to the whole thing") with his time
traveling and his flashes could be the key to merging
both worlds.

From the enhanced "Sundown" here are some pop-up
confirmations:
-Charles Widmore told the real Locke that a war was
coming to the island. He told Locke that if Locke did
not return to the island the wrong side would win.
-This is the first time Kate has seen the "resurrected"
John Locke and she knows Locke is on the wrong side.
-Jacob is a mysterious person who thought of himself as
the protector of the island. Jacob's death now means that
the island is in danger.
-Ilana came to the island on Ajira Flight 316 to protect
the candidates.

Ilana said that there were six candidates left. She knows
that Sayid is now "bad" because he killed the temple guys.
Which six is she referring to? Kwon, we know. We can assume
Hurley and Jack. She has no way of knowing that Sawyer is on
Team MIB so we can also assume she's counting him. In season
five, she tells Bram that they need to bring Lapidus along
because he may be a candidate. That's still just five.
Who's the sixth? It would appear that Ben is no longer a
candidate, and yet, he's on the road to redemption so he is
still a possibility, especially for the forgiving Team Jacob.
How about Richard? Or is #6 on Jacob's candidate list, Kate Austen.
He did touch her. Her name is on his lighthouse wheel.

Okay, next week's episode is called Recon. Based on that title,
it has to be Sawyer-centric. Plus, it's time to re-visit Team
MIB post the temple raid. Until then, I'll be re-watching,
and loving Dr. Linus.

Cheese Curds!
- Jennie

Catch a Falling Star (Better Lost Than Never)

2010-06-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

(Don't read until you've watched the Lost season six episode,
Sundown. This post was written and originally published on Wednesday,
March 3, 2010.)

To "prepare" for last nights Sayid-centric show, I re-watched
the season four episode, The Economist. Here's a quick exchange
between Sayid and Jack from that episode. Note the use of the
word candidate. I love how hints to the questions / answers
have been within the show all along:
Sayid: You're not the best candidate for this kind of mission.
Jack: What kind of mission is that?
Sayid: I'm going to make Locke give me Charlotte. And I'm going
to do it without any bloodshed.
Jack: As opposed to the way I'd do it.
Sayid: Last time you encountered him, you put a gun to his head
and pulled the trigger. That's not good diplomacy.

That conversation is kinda ironic after last night.
Times have changed and now we have a different Sayid on the island.
Dogen told Sayid to stab "evil incarnate" before he says a word,
but Sayid didn't do that. He let the MIB say, "Hello, Sayid" first
which reminded me of the serpent tempting Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Notice when Sayid told Flock that Dogen said he was "evil incarnate,"
Flock never denied it, only shifted the focus of the questioning.
(I've dated people with those shifty conversation skills. They were
ALWAYS hiding something, and usually not something good.)

Incarnate literally means to make into flesh and in this case good
and evil appear to have assumed human forms (MIB, Jacob) to
recruit sides and prove dominance over the other. Dogen said
"for every man there is a scale." The MIB and Jacob seem
to represent the two sides of that scale, as if they are from
the same entity, one is good, wears white, etc. The other is
bad, wears black, etc. Dogen is pointing the Losties (and us)
into the direction that the black stone / white stone is not
so much cosmic good vs cosmic evil but that the potential for
both to reside within the heart of every man. Now which "side"
will win out in each of our Losties? As Dogen said, things
are tipping (at this point) the wrong way.

We saw Jack pass Sayid and Nadia in the hall at St. Sebastian
in Sayid's Flash-Sideways. Jack showing up in everyone's
Flash-Sideways reminds me of Jacob showing up off the island
to "touch" the candidates and bring them to the island. Is
Jack coming into contact with everyone in the Flash Sideways
(Locke, Kate, Dogen, Charlie, Sayid) so his or her life will
change? (Jack touched Kate leaving the bathroom on the plane,
touched Charlie while giving him mouth to mouth, Sayid while
Sayid helped him with Charlie, touched Dogen by shaking his
hand, and touched Locke when giving him his business card.)
Jack is the most likely candidate to replace Jacob. I found
it interesting when I went back to watch the season one
episode, White Rabbit, Jack was wearing a white shirt and
black pants, much the same as what Jacob is wearing when
we first see him on the beach with the MIB in season five's
The Incident.

Looks like the MIB and Jacob both drive a hard bargain.
Dogen's story about how Jacob showed up and offered him a
deal reminded me very much of the deal Ben offered Juliet
in season three. Ben said that if Juliet would stay on the
island, Jacob would cure her sister's cancer. Of course,
that meant that Juliet could not see her sister or nephew.
The MIB is going around offering deals too. Perhaps
"those deals" are the Flash-Sideways? If you sell your
soul to the devil which the MIB appears to be (evil
incarnate) then you get the ending that you want.
Sayid gets another chance with Nadia, for example.

With twelve hours (minus commercials) left, I am
beginning to think that the Flash-Sideways are the
ending to our Losties stories - that we are seeing how
things play out for them in each episode. That this
Flash-Sideways is what happens to our Losties after
the huge war / battle happens on the island. That
the Flash-Sideways is the final outcome. Meanwhile,
we'll see on the island that Jack has replaced Jacob
as the candidate. But who replaces the MIB? Kate
would be a more interesting choice than Sawyer, who
I still think will make the grand scarfice for the
island. And I remember the webisode released during
the writers strike where Ben and Jack play chess.
I could see those too hanging out on the beach when
it's all said and done, arguing free will vs. destiny.
That is if Ben isn't digging his own grave in the
preview for next week. Facing his own "demise"
can mean so many things on Lost and he's
survived the smoke monster once before...

We've seen the picture that Sayid carries around
of Nadia before. We previously learned that she
wrote "see you in the next life." Again, more and
more the flash-sideways seems to be the next life.
(Desmond says the similar "see you in another life,
brotha" to Jack on several occasions.)

Jack's flash sideways jeep and Keamy's minions SUV
have the same license plate number: 2SAQ321

"Catch a Falling Star" makes another appearance.
Claire sings it in the Temple pit AND a spooky
version of it played at the end of the show.
That is the song that Claire wanted the adoptive
couple to sing to Aaron in the season one episode,
Raised by Another. It was also the song Christian
sang to her when she was a baby and the song Kate
sang to Aaron on her way to Cassidy's in last
season's episode, Whatever Happened, Happened.

The last scene that had the spooky version of
"Catch a Falling Star" playing reminded me of
The Stand, where all these creepy characters
followed around the dark man, Randall Flagg.

Among Flock's flock was Kate and her WTF expression.
Flock also gave Kate a very curious look. He made a
promise to Claire that had to involved getting Aaron
back. Did he promise Claire that she could kill the
person who took Aaron? But Claire wants Aaron back so
she can't kill Kateuntil Kate tells her where Aaron is,
right? I think that's why Kate survived the Temple
destruction. Or perhaps Kate is the MIB's prize
(and surprise) recruit.

Btw, the eerie "Catch a Falling Star" playing over the
end death scene reminded me of how in the Bible, at the
end of time, a star falls from the heavens and kills
one third of the world. It looked like at least one
third of the Others were dead.

I'm not too worried about Kate. For one, every team
or plan she's a part of seems to always fail miserably
so she can foil Team Black. She may very well be the
only one who can bring him down, maybe with a little
help from con-man Sawyer. Also, I'm thinking of the
"Lost Supper" photo that was released just before this
season began. Everyone is around Flock in a mock Last
Supper pose and Kate is in the Judas position. She has
ended up in Flock's flock by accident. Will she betray
him / them as some sort of inside job?
(Here is a link that shows the Lost Supper photos I am
referring to:
http://www.buddytv.com/articles/lost/revisiting-losts-last-supper-t-34993.aspx)

I think the destruction of the Temple is symbolic
to the overall story of Lost. In the Bible, Jesus
predicts the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem.
He describes how all the world will be put in flames
as part of an apocalyptic battle between good and evil.
This has to be the start of the war that Widmore has
alluded to.

The hieroglyph tile on the temple wall that Ilana
pushes to open the secret passage is a Shen ring.
The Shen ring is an ancient symbol of eternity and
protection. In ancient Egypt, it also represented
dual concepts of time.

Jacob was a man of faith.
Dogen was a man of faith / temple master.
If the men of faith are gone from the island,
the MIB can be free.

Baseball comes up again. Seeing the baseball reminded
Dogen of his son, but did it also remind him that he's
not supposed to kill Sayid? Dogen talked about Jacob's
offer and having to sacrifice seeing his son again.
Baseball has the sacrifice fly. (Just had to throw
that in there - sorry. It's getting late. I'm drinking
wine. I'm having too much fun.)

Dogen would not kill Sayid with poison. He tried to get
Jack to do it. Dogen would not kill the MIB, he tried
to get Sayid to do it, or he thought at the very least,
the MIB would take out Sayid. Dogen had a chance to kill
Sayid, but he saw the baseball. Is that part of his
bargain with Jacob? His son lives as long as he doesn't
take another life?

Sayid said that all he ever wanted died in his arms.
He means Nadia, of course, but remember, Shannon died
in his arms, too, in season two.

It's interesting to that in both realities Sayid is
being asked to kill and being manipulate to do so to
prove the "good in him." If this is a game, he's a
pawn. I'm starting to believe that the hot alien in
the V commercials is in on the Lost joke. In the
quick V spots that play during every Lost, she
mentions Lost and that her people (the aliens)
know something about survival of the fittest.
Lost is quickly becoming a "Most Dangerous Game"
of the fittest or meanest on the island. Again,
not worried about Kate. Worried about everyone
else, but not Kate.

Interesting things in the Enhanced edition
of Lighthouse last
night:
-When David was introduced the caption said:
This is a flash-sideways difference. Jack never had
a son.
-Dogen's Japanese reply to Hugo was translated.
He said, "You are lucky I have to protect you,
otherwise I would cut off your head and feed it
to the boars." This is another Alice in Wonderland
reference. When the Queen and Alice disagree, the
Queen says, "Off with your head!"
-In the lighthouse mirror we saw the place where
Jacob touched Sin & Jin - the temple where they
were married. Then we saw the spot where he visited
and touched Sawyer - the church where the funeral
was held. Then we saw Jack's childhood home. This
is not where Jacob visited and touched Jack. That
was in the hospital by a vending machine. The
childhood home is probably where Jacob visited
Christian who was the original #23 and why it
looked like the name had been marked out and then
added again.

After a week I still think we will meet David's
mother later this season and it will be Juliet.
It has to be someone we know and the only other
woman I can think of that has that pale skin and
blue eyes is Charlotte. But my money is still on
Juliet - and yes, that's partly because I WANT it
to be Jules. It makes the most sense to me because
Jack and Juliet had a connection on the island too.
All four - Jack, Kate, Juliet and Sawyer are
connected on the island so it only makes sense
that the connection would be there in the flash
sideways just rearranged like furniture. There,
I've made my final case for it.

Michael Emerson said in a very recent interview
that next week's Ben-centric episode (entitled Dr.
Linus) is, in his opinion, the best of the Ben
episodes. Lost is the fictional love of my life
and my favorite episodes are the Ben-centric ones.
Happy Birthday to me! I cannot wait - no matter
what the "demise".

Until Ben,
- Jennie

Dude, I just lied to a Samurai

2010-06-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

(Stop reading right NOW if you have NOT watched the Lost, Season six episode"Lighthouse." This was written and originally published on
Wednesday, February 24, 2010.)

Yes, that's right, of all the questions swirling around Lost, the #1
thing I want to know this morning is who is David Shephard's mother?
She was conveniently out of town. And it might not matter who she is,
but this is Lost so my money is on the fact that it does matter and
it's someone we haven't seen yet in the Flash-Sideways.
Is it someone with pale skin and bright blue eyes like little David?
An Other who has a thing for classical music (Opera)? (In the Season
four episode, The Other Woman, Ben gets Juliet all the Opera
classics on CD.) Oh, please, please, please let David's mother be
Juliet.

I also (wishful) think it's Juliet because of the appendix scar
reference. It was Juliet who took out Jack's appendix in the Season
four episode, Something Nice Back Home. Interesting that Flash-Sideways
Jack did not remember getting his appendix removed as a boy. This is
the second time he has stared at a physical mark on his body in the
Flash-Sideways. In this season's premiere,he noticed a shaving nick
on his neck but seemed unsure how it got there.

The Chopin piece on David's desk was Fantasisie-Impromptu in
C-Sharp minor. That was the very same piece we saw Daniel Faraday
playing as a boy. We've also seen Jack playing the piano twice.
Once when he was staying with the Others after operating on Ben
and waiting to go home on the Submarine in the season three episode,
The Man From Tallahassee. We also saw him playing Heart & Soul in a
flashback before his wedding in the season one episode Do No Harm.
(Along with Daniel, David and Jack, Ben plays the piano too!)

When Jack walked into the conservatory to see David play, the
sign said: "Welcome Candidates."

More Alice in Wonderland imagery:
-The key to the house David shares with his mother is under a
rabbit statue. (And yes, the address for that house was #23 - as
in #23-Shephard and Psalm 23, a psalm of David -The Lord is my
Shepherd, I Shall Not Want.)
-David is reading Alice in Wonderland. Jack says he used to
read it to David when David was little. In the season four
episode, Something Nice Back Home, Jack also reads Alice to
Aaron and tells Kate that his father Christian used to read
it to him.
-Jack specifically mentions his son David's two favorite
characters: Kitty and Snowdrop. In Alice, Kitty is the black
kitten, Snowdrop is the white kitten. Alice attributes her
dream to the black kitten. In the dream, the kittens represent
the queens - the red queen (black kitten) and the white queen
(white kitten). And in the dream, both are very mischievous in
their own ways. The white queen can see the future -
before it happens, kinda like Eloise Hawking.
-Jack broke the lighthouse mirrors with a LOOKING GLASS.
-Jack and Hurley end up back at the cave where Jack tells
Hurley how he found the cave, which he found in the season
one episode titled White Rabbit.(episode five of that season,
mirroring episode five of this season.)
-Hurley encounters a mythical white rabbit, Jacob, (dipping
his hand in the resurrection pool) and driven by curiosity,
Hurley follows the white Jacob rabbit down the tunnel...

And then there's the name: David Shephard
-In the Bible, David is a shepherd boy who becomes
King. He was known for playing the harp. (He also killed
Goliath, was the leader of Israel, and had a covenant with
God that NO ONE would harm his kingdom.)
-One of Chopin's pieces for the piano was Etude Opus 25,
which is also known as the Aeolian Harp / The Shepherd Boy.
Chopin told a student when playing it to imagine a shepherd
boy seeking refuge in a grotto to avoid a storm.
-David attends St. Mary's Academy, another religious Shephard
family reference

More proof that there is a disconnect with the Flash Sideways:
- Jack not remembering when his appendix was taken out.
- Jack telling Dogen he didn't know how long David had played
piano, then minutes later David says Jack used to watch him playing.
- Thinking of the overall time-line, Jack would have had his kid
before Jacob gave him the candy bar / touched him. So this Flash
Sideways is appearing to be more than just what happened if Jacob
hadn't interfered. It's appearing to be what happened after the
bomb worked and sunk the island in 1977.

Here's what I saw in slo-mo on Jacob's lighthouse magic donkey
wheel of misfortune:
20: Rousseau (crossed out)
108: Wallace (crossed out - interesting that THIS is #108.
Reminds me of Walt.)
109: Friendly (as in Tom 'Other' Friendly / crossed out)
51: Austen (NOT crossed out - woo-hoo! Kate IS on
Jacob's list.)

It's interesting that Shepard looks like it's written
in different handwriting on this wheel. If you look closely,
it looks like it had been scratched off (representing Christian)
and then added back (representing Jack.)

Now what is special about 108? The degree that Jacob "wanted"
it turned to, and the sum of all our Lostie candidate numbers?
Do all five candidates / numbers have to participate, work
together to get 108? Who is Wallace? Why is the name crossed
out? Is this the someone coming to the island?

I think that this lighthouse list is Jacob's list and I
think the names written on the Cave are the MIB's list.
Jacob is trying to get the candidates to some end.
(Degree 108 on the lighthouse wheel?) While the MIB is
trying to prevent any of the candidates from achieving that
end. The rules appear to prevent the MIB from directly killing
the candidates, but clearly they do not prevent him from
manipulating other people to harm the candidates. It seems the
MIB is trying to remove the candidates from the list before
any of them achieve what Jacob is pushing them to. If this
happens, then the MIB would be free, no longer trapped, free
to leave his captivity - the island.

This also ties into a major theme in Lost - Destiny vs. Free
Will. The MIB represents free will. Jacob is the hand of
fate / destiny. Yes, Jacob and his follows say you always
have a choice. Dogen said it to Jack in this episode. But Jacob
leaves the island to give people a little push toward their
destiny. This ties into a "pop-up" from last night's enhanced
episode of the Substitute. It reminded viewers that a major
theme of Lost was Destiny vs. Free Will. Then the caption said:
What the viewers need to decide is if the Oceanic 815 survivors
were manipulated or nudged throughout their lives. And it still
appears that they were nudged - by Jacob - toward their destiny.

When Hurley is turning the mirrors, the first thing Jack appears
to see is the temple where Sun and Jin were married, then a church
steeple that looksvery much like the one young James Ford was sitting
on the steps of when Jacob visited him.

Love Jack breaking the cycle- his father telling him that he didn't
have what it takes, and Jack "course correcting" that with his own
son. And yes, I cried during that scene.

Loved Claire's line when she was treating Jin's wound: "One
thing that will kill you around here is infection." She would
know. (And I'm glad we got the Claire leaving her kid behind
business cleared up. Good to know she wouldn't just leave Aaron
for Sawyer to find in the jungle!)

Speaking of finding, loved Jack and Hurley finding Shannon's
inhaler. In season one, Shannon got sick and couldn't find it.
No one could find it. Sawyer lied about having it and Sun
used herbs to heal Shannon.

Interesting that Miles and Hurley were playing Tic Tac Toe.
A game that usually ends in a tie, a stalemate, unless
someone makes a mistake. Another reference to the Jacob vs.
MIB game?!

We see Dogen in the Flash-Sideways world. Is he the man Jin
is bringing the Rolex too? He seems like someone Mr. Paik
would work with. In the Flash-Sideways Dogen tells Jack that
David is special. Michael was once told that Walt was special.

Jack and Christian aren't the only Shephards who drinks - Ma
Shepard does too. Notice that Christian's study had a bottle
of MacCutcheon Scotch, a favorite of Charles Widmore, Anthony
Cooper and James Ford. (Even Sayid was indulging in some the
night Ilana picked him up in a bar.)

Who is coming to the island? My guess is that it's Desmond,
who we haven't seen for a while.

Is there a connection between Jacob's lighthouse and the
Dharma Lamp Post station? Or does the lighthouse resemble
the Lamp Post as a portal to another world as in the
Chronicles of Narnia (another CS Lewis / Charlotte Staples
Lewis reference.) Is the lighthouse how Jacob traveled back
and forth off the island? It seems to be another spot on the
island that has an interface to the outside world. The wheel
did remind me of the donkey wheel that Ben moved to turn the
island.

Jacob tells Hurley not to go back to the temple - that it is too
late to warn anyone. Sayid doesn't seem like a viable candidate
now that he is infected. With Ilana, Ben, Sun, Frank on their
way to the temple as well as Claire, Jin, and Claire's "friend,"
all action is leading there. So my money is on a Sayid-centric
episode next week. What happens if / when the infection takes
hold of him and he sees the MIB?

Meanwhile, I'll be daydreaming that David's mom = Juliet.
One can hope.

- J

Actually I was just hoping for some Earl Grey

2010-06-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

(Don't read until you've watched the Lost season six episode,
The Substitute. Written and originally published on Wednesday,
February 17, 2010.)

I guess anyone who knows me or has read any of these won't be
surprised to know that when I heard the school teacher's voice
ranting about changing the coffee filters I SHOT UP like a bottle
rocket and jumped up & down with glee. Seriously. Ben Linus,
European History teacher - sign me up for his class. I'll
be in the front row. Love it. (Btw, the last time we saw Ben
making coffee it was with that French Press out on the beach
with Kate in season three premiere, A Tale of Two Cities - sigh.)

John Locke's line in that scene: "Actually, I was just hoping
for some Earl Grey", mirrored, for me, the line from last season
when Flock says to Ben (in Ben's old Other leader office):
"Actually, I was just hoping for an apology."

On the island, John Locke's body is the substitute for the
Man in Black. Off the island, he is a substitute teacher -
of science! (Human Reproductive System - a nod to fertility)
So from man of faith, to Substitute teacher of science.

Let's get to the good stuff, the numbers / names.
Here is what was pointed out on the cave walls:
4 - Locke
8 - Reyes
15 - Ford
16 - Jarrah
23- Shephard (Same as Psalm 23 which starts The Lord is my shepherd.)
42- Kwon

Why that order? Does it have something to do with age? Locke
being the oldest. Kwon - if it's baby Kwon, Jin and Sun's daughter,
then she's by far the youngest.Interesting that last names are listed.
Means that Shephard could actually be Christian, Jack, Claire or
Aaron - all the same blood line OR Kate's baby if
she is indeed pregnant with Jack's child. (Although it probably
is Jack.)

Another reason for the order could be easiest to persuade,
easiest to make believe they could take Jacob's place and protect
the island. Locke sure was at the top of the list for that. Hugo
would be next, then Sawyer, etc.

What was most interesting to me about this list is who wasn't on
it - Kate Austen. She was the only one in the Jacob flashback
that he visited who is not on it. (Ilana doesn't count.
I'm convinced that Ilana and Jacob have a rich back-story -
lovers perhaps? She was very upset over his death or at least
that's what she appeared to be upset over.) Perhaps Kate was left
off the numbers list because she didn't follow Jacob's directions.
When he visited her as a little girl and saved her butt from
shoplifting, he told her to be good. And well, we know she wasn't.

Re-watching and studying the numbers on the cave, the only
other one I could make out clearly was #40 - Mattingley.
Mattingley is an Other who ran with a young
Charles Widmore. Our losties came across him in Season Five
while time traveling. He was about to chop off Juliet's hand
when Locke threw a knife into his side. Mattingley collapsed
and died. So this Jacob's numbers list is not limited to
our Oceanic 815 Losties, but goes way back. Possibly all the
way to the Black Rock.

And we literally saw a black rock last night!
And we literally saw Jacob's ladder last night!
Helen's shirt read "Peace and Karma." Nice, Dharma lady.
Locke's flash-sideways alarm clock sounded a lot like the
hatch alarm when the numbers weren't entered on time.

There's some personal growth for Locke in his flash sideways.
Remember he lost Helen when he lied to her and promised he would
stop obsessing over his terrible father in the season two episode,
Lockdown. She left him. In the flash sideways, they are engaged
and inviting Locke's father to the wedding. If it is indeed
Locke's father, then Locke had to end up in his wheelchair in
a way other than being pushed out of a building by his father.
(Kinda like in the flash-sideways, Kate is innocent, Hurley is
lucky, etc. Hmm.)

Jacob's ladder was really a staircase that reached toward
heaven and had angels ascending and descending on it. There
were other attempts at this connection - in ancient Mesopotamia
a Temple with the same steep steps climbing toward heaven was
named the house of the link between heaven and earth. So perhaps
Jacob's ladder and the Temple are both Axis Mundi, a thing or place
that connects, that is a pathway between heaven and earth.

Two items have been thrown into the Ocean this season so far:
(I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of either)
-Sawyer's engagement ring for Juliet
-the white rock

Sawyer was blasting The Stooges "Search and Destroy."
A lyric sampling: I am the world's forgotten boy; the one
who searches, searches to destroy...
(A good theme song for him and the Man In Black, including
a reference in other lyrics to a nuclear / hydrogen bomb.)

The Man in Black "recruiting" reminded me of Randall Flagg, the
man in black from the Stand, how fierce and feared he was, how
he wondered around via the Crow looking for people. Instead
our Man in Black roams around via black smoke. If you listen
closely when smokey is traveling in last night's episode,
you can hear a dog panting - Vincent!

Of Mice and Men makes another appearance in this episode.
We first saw Sawyer reading it in prison, in the Season
three episode Every Man for Himself. That was the fourth
episode of season three, last night was the fourth
hour / episode of season six. In Every Man
for Himself, we see Sawyer reading Of Mice and Men in
prison. Also in that same episode he references the book
while talking to Ben. Ben quotes it right back at him
from - yes, yes, yes - an island cliff side, over
looking the ocean (just like Sawyer ended up at last night
with MIB): "A guy goes nuts if he ain't go nobody. It don't
make any difference who the guy is (Ben, Sawyer, MIB), so
long as he's with you. I tell ya...
I tell ya, a guy gets too lonely, and he gets sick."

Or infected with a darkness. Or is recruited. We have
candidates. Recruits. Substitutes.

Are the candidates the only ones who can kill candidates?
Is this why Jack had to be the one to poison Sayid?

The little boy said to the FLOCK (Fake Locke): You can't
kill him. Did he mean Jacob - that MIB and Jacob can't
really kill each other or did the little boy mean Sawyer,
that MIB can't kill Sawyer because he's a candidate?
The first shot of the little boy, we see that he has blood
on his hands and arms. He's standing in the light. In that
instant, I thought, that's young Jacob. Sawyer could see
him. Richard could not. Can only candidates (and MIB)
see Jacob? And how does this 'you can't kill him' rule
relate to Ben and Charles Widmore? Charles saying to Ben
at the end of the season four episode The Shape of Things
to Come: "We both know I can't kill you."

Is that why Charles can't kill Ben - he is / was a candidate?
And where do these rules come from? Someone over Jacob and MIB?

I'm starting to think that Eloise Hawking plays for Team Man in Black.
She sent John Locke's dead body back to the island. She had to know
that the Man in Black could, would use it for a substitute.

And Ilana said last night that the Man in Back can no longer
change his face. That he is "stuck this way," meaning in the
body of John Locke. Is it because they buried John Locke?
Can the Man in Black only shape-shift, use bodies of the
dead who are left unburied? This is why we've seen him as
Christian, Alex (Ben paid his respects, but never buried her),
but have not seen MIB as people who have been buried on the
island: Nikki, Paulo, Juliet - or any of the ones the Others
sent out to sea.

I'm getting the sense that everyone "stuck" on the island
needs a replacement in order to go home:
-MIB trying to find a substitute so he can go home.
-Desmond replaced Inman pushing the hatch button so Inman
could fix Desmond's boat and (attempt to) go home.
-Jacob looking for a candidate to take over his role on the island.

Next week's episode is episode #108 for the whole series. Wonder
if we'll find out what those numbers mean, what they really
"add up to." The name of next week's episode is the Lighthouse.
So far the "centrics" for each episode have matched season one
(episode 3- Kate, episode 4- Locke).
The fifth episode of season one was titled "White Rabbit"
and it was Jack-centric. So my money is on Jack-centric
next week.

Until then, I'll be rewatching coffee-fussy European History
Professor Ben Linus over and over. Now there's a teacher who
would've held my interest. ; )

- Jennie

If you need me, I'll be in the food court

2010-06-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

(Do not read until after you have watched the
season six episode of Lost entitled What Kate Does.
Written and published on February 10, 2010.)

Jin: Who do you care about Kate?
Answer: Claire!

Setting traps, running around in the wild, losing
her baby - it's confirmed - Claire is the New Rousseau!
But what is this heart of darkness? And interesting
that Kate "taking away" Aaron could have caused this
madness in Claire, in the same way that Ben taking
Alex did to Rousseau. What on earth will
Claire do to Kate when they meet up? Is Claire
as obsessed with finding her child as Rousseau was?

Claire wasn't on the Others' original list and
neither was Sayid. This may be why the Others think
they are infected with darkness. Sawyer was on the
original list, therefore they need to protect him,
get him back to the temple. Last night you heard
Aldo Other say that Jin MAY be on the list.
That's because the name Kwon is on the list -
but they are not certain which one - Sun or
Jin or perhaps their baby.

When Rousseau kidnapped Sayid in season one,
she also tortured him via electrocution and
asked "WHAT are you," not who. So is the
infection the same thing as the sickness
that Danielle believe took hold of her team
after they disappeared into the cleft of the
Temple wall? She thinks the Smoke Monster
somehow changed them. And like The Sickness,
The Infection can spread from person to person.
That would mean that Jacob is not the one
"wearing" Sayid after all. (I am reminded of
Stephen King's The Stand with all this talk of
infection spreading - some people getting it.
The writers of Lost keep a copy of The Stand
with them in the writers room at all times.)

And is this infection how Ben is able to summon
the Smoke Monster? When he was taken to the spring,
his heart was claimed by darkness, just like Rousseau's
people were, and now Claire & Sayid?

In season three, the Others did not bury people
the Losties killed. (Remember the beach-side funeral
that Jack and Juliet attended.) They did water burials.
And in season five, the Others got real upset over a
breach in the truce and had to dig up the guys Sawyer
and Juliet shot (to save Amy.) Maybe the reason
for that is because if you leave a dead body sitting
around on the island, it could get claimed by this
darkness. (If that is the case, why not buried Juliet?
I think it's interesting that Juliet and Jacob died
around the same time - not IN the same
time, but AT the same time in the shows narrative -
end of the season five finale. That and Jacob not
visiting her off island like our Losties and Ilana
remains a big point of interest to me. Jacob visited
everyone else seen in flashback in that
episode - The Incident, parts one and two.)

All this talk of darkness has me thinking about
Star Wars too, and going over to the dark side.
Also, watching the enhanced verison of last week's
premiere, Juliet dying tragically in Sawyer's arms,
reminded me of Romeo and Juliet where that Juliet
dies in her lover's arms.

Our new Other leader Dogan was playing with a
baseball. Do you know how many double stitches
are in a baseball? 108. Seriously.

By the way, Dogan's sidekick is named Lennon,
complete with the John Lennon style glasses. Nice.

The date on the ultrasound picture was 10/22/2004,
exactly one month after the 'original' 815 flight.
I don't know the significance of this, but it's Lost so
it could mean something or nothing - either way it is k-o-o-l.

The hospital listed on the bottom of Aaron's ultrasound
is Angel of Mercy. Perhaps that is a hint that this is not
about feuding brothers or Gods, but about the conflicting
roles of the Angel of Mercy (Jacob) and the Angel
of Death (Man In Black). That would make them on the
same team, but with conflicting roles, neither all good
or all bad. And perhaps the Man In Black also got this
infection, this darkness years ago when he was in his
human form. And somehow this infection, this darkness
never touched Jacob.

It's been made clear that Smokey has been using Jacob's
Cabin for a long time, but thinking about the chain of
events that created is mind-blowing:
When Ben brings Locke to the cabin and Locke hears Jacob
say "help me" - that was actually Smokey setting into motion
a chain of events that would lead up to Locke dying so MIB
could have a loophole. Christian and Claire were both
seen in the cabin as well so this would mean people claimed by
this infection are allied somehow with Smokey / MIB.

Will we see the guy who was going to be Aaron's adoptive
father? And if so,who will he be?

Kate used the alias Joan Hart last night. That name is a
reference to the TV show Sabrina the Teenage Witch. That
show co-starred the actress Beth Broderick who plays Kate's
mother, Diane Janssen, on Lost. Kate has used that alias
before. (How did flash-sideways Kate know her way around LA?
Yes, most people have heard of Brentwood, but how did she know
it's not far from where she picked up Claire? Unless the
flash-sideways Kate has lived in LA for like, uh, three years...
And is flash-sideways Kate innocent? Methinks no, not in the
Law & Order sense.)

Ethan was Ethan Rom on the island. But at Angel of Mercy
hospital he introduced himself as Dr. Goodspeed, Horace's son,
as if he'd never been on the island. I loved the contrast
between this Ethan and Claire. In this flash-sideways,
he said: I don't want to have to stick you with needles
if I don't have to. And I found this remark he made
interesting: I have a feeling that Aaron is going to be
a handful.

I'm loving the parallels to season one:
-Hour three of season one ("Tabula Rasa") is Kate-centric.
Hour three of season six is Kate-centric.
-Hour four of season one ("Walkabout") is Locke-centric.
Hour four of season six is named "The Substitute," judging
from that title and the preview, it has to be Locke-centric.
-Season one opens with a two hour pilot, and we see our Losties
on the plane and the direct aftermath of the crash. Season six
opens with a two hour episode with us seeing the Losties on a
plane headed for LAX and what happens just after they exit the
plane: Kate escapes, Christian's coffin is missing, etc.

The sound used in transitions between what's taking place
on the island and in the flash-sideways is different from
the sounds used to cut to the flashbacks and flash-forwards.
With the flashbacks and flash-forwards it was a "whooshing"
sound. With the flash-sideways it sounds more mechanical
like an airplane or that tick, tick we hear when the smoke
monster is coming. It is intentional to distinguish the
difference between the flash-sideways and the flash-forward/back.

It also reminded me of the season four episode, The Constant,
which was the very first episode where there were no "whooshing"
sounds. That was the Desmond-centric episode were his consciousness
was traveling between 1996 and 2004 (within the context of
the shows present time narrative.) A similar thing has to be
happening to our Losties right now - and Juliet knew it. There
are moments in these first three hours were our flash-sideways
Losties seem to know it too. When Jack looks in the mirror on
the plane, when he kinda recognizes Desmond, when Kate is trying
to getaway in the cab and sees Jack on his cell phone, when
Clarie shouts out Aaron's name in the hospital and Kate gives
her a look of recognition.

Interesting that Dogan had to have a proxy, have Jack give the
pill to Sayid, have Jack poison /kill Sayid. Is this another
example of the rules? Flock had to have Ben kill Jacob.
Ben cannot kill Widmore and vice versa. I love that Jack's way
to redemption and wiping the blood off his hands is to kill his
friend, Sayid. How very.

Finally, in the enhanced re-airing of season six, hour two
last night, one of the bubbles said that the flash-sideways
"presents what would have happened if 815 never crashed."
If, if, if...

- J

Lets Get Coffee, We Can Go Dutch (in Our Flash-Sideways)

2010-05-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

(Don't read below until you have watched the Lost Season Six
premiere! Written and published on February 3, 2010.)

When Juliet uttered the words "lets get coffee, we can go
dutch," to Sawyer, it was her way of telling him it worked,
before telling him it worked via Miles. How did she know it
worked? Perhaps as she was dying she could see or got a sense
of both worlds.

I like the idea of Juliet and Sawyer having coffee in a
Flash-Sideways once Sawyer gets out of LA X. Maybe together,
they'll plot how to con Hurley's lottery money away from him.
I do think though that Juliet being in the Flash-Sideways
world is wishful thinking because Miles heard her and not
Sayid - and he hears dead people. Also, everyone else was
thrown away from the bomb while Juliet was in the same
position, probably experiencing a lot of internal injuries
from the initial fall.That happened prior to the bomb just
like Sayid's injury and therefore she was probably gonna
die if the bomb went off or not.

Therefore it is probably wishful thinking (and a Jennie Wood
ending) that we see Sawyer come across Juliet in the
Flash-Sideways world. At least that's what I have to
tell myself, because I can't get my hopes up. Darlton
has confirmed her as dead, as in Dead is Dead.

Speaking of dead, Red Shirt alert:
Hurley is wearing a red shirt. Last season Juliet wore
the red shirt.In Star Trek terms, red shirt = death.
In Lost terms, it could = death.

My favorite reveal of last night was having it confirmed
(as much as something on Lost is confirmed) that Richard
Alpert was on the Black Rock. This happened when the
Man In Black as FLOCK (Fake John Locke) said it had been
a while and the last time they saw each other, Richard
was in chains. We've long suspected that Richard was on
the Black Rock from shots of him building a miniature
Black Rock, etc, but last night it was confirmed.
Richard was either a slave or a criminal
on the ship. Can't wait for THAT back story.

Speaking of the Black Rock, the book in the cave appears
to be Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling. It was published
in 1842, two years before the Black Rock set sail from
England. It was published under a fake author name,
John the Silent. (As in our John who really is
silent/ dead now.) Fear and Trembling features
alternate retellings of the same story which is what
we now have in season six. Nice.

We learned what was in the guitar case - a giant ankh
- featuring another one of Jacob's infamous lists / notes.

We learned that the Man In Black / Flock is the smoke
monster.I loved how Ben flopped on the ground when he
saw Smokey. Also, the very firstshot of Ben and Flock
reminded me of Macbeth. Ben standing there, blood on his
hands, having just killed Jacob for Fake John Locke
(like Macbeth does for Lady M). I want to see a summer
stock production of Macbeth starring Ben and Fake John
Locke.

Now what has happened to Sayid? I think Jacob using him
as a vessel is a good guess, but that seems a little too
obvious to me. The Man In Black using Sayid as his new
vessel I like even better. The Man In Black is trying
to get home, wants to get inside the temple. Did he
just achieve this as Sayid?

But then my mind goes back to when Kate and Sawyer
brought little Ben to the temple. Before Richard took
little Ben into the temple to be healed, he said
that Ben would never be the same, that Ben would
lose his innocence and he would not remember what
happened to him. I think this is what happened to
Sayid. He looked dumbfounded when he woke up. I
think if Jacob or MIB were using him as a vessel,
they'd wake up pretending to be him and know what
is going on.I think Sayid has been healed by the
temple like little Ben.

Sayid's words before he lost consciousness were:
"When I die, what's going to happen to me? I've
tortured...murdered. Where I'm going is not going
to be very pleasant." Then he's taken to the Temple,
at Jacob's request. That reminds me of another
ancient temple - Solomon's - that contained a
ritual bath, supplied by flowing waters from a
spring. Solomon's Temple also housed the Well of Souls,
where the souls of the dead gather to wait for
final judgment. It's also a place where the voices
(whispers like our Losties have heard on the island)
of the dead could be heard. Perhaps Jacob wanted to
make sure Sayid's soul was deposited in its proper
place. Perhaps before he took Sayid's body as a vessel.
Perhaps the MIB beat Jacob to it. But more likely
Jacob knew that, like little Ben, the temple would
heal Sayid. And it did.

Also, I love that little Ben was healed in the
temple from a gunshot wound by Sayid and now
Sayid is healed in the temple from a gunshot
wound by Roger, Ben's father. Is Sayid the new
Ben just as Claire will be the island's new
Rousseau - crazed mother running around the island,
separated from her baby?!

Along those lines of parallel stories, Kate went
back to the island to find Claire and ends up in
the Flash-Sideways sitting next to Claire in the
getaway cab. Claire will be very pregnant - will
Kate help deliver Aaron again? Jack went back to
the island on behalf of Locke, and ends up getting
consoled by him at LA X. Will Jack help
Locke walk again? This is Jack so he'll at least
try to.

Locke telling Jack that Oceanic didn't lose
Christian, they just lost his body may be
the theme for the whole season, implying that
bodies don't matter. That and Jack's
last line in that scene - nothing is irreversible.
(Although my favorite line of the night
is probably Boone asking Locke: Are you pulling
my leg?)

This time on flight 815, Hurley was lucky, Sawyer
was polite, Jack was nervous, Rose was not, Boone
didn't 'save' Shannon from a bad choice thus freeing
himself from her. Rose and Bernard were happy.
Meanwhile, Jin was back to being the
overbearing husband, Sun looked like she wanted
to escape from him, Kate was still under arrest
and Charlie was still an addict.

Jack had one liquor bottle, not two and he spilled
a little. Jack's hair is longer than in the pilot
episode and we see him in the mirror looking at himself,
looking at himself getting older perhaps? Does that
mean that the Flash-Sideways and our bomb survivors
are both in the same time now? 2007? How can that
be with the island UNDERWATER? And how did that happen?
The bomb?!

We saw Desmond on the flight and then he disappeared.
Is he still time flashing? He appeared to be too calm
for that. He was wearing a wedding band so my guess is
that Flash-Sideways Desmond did marry Penny and is
working for Charles Widmore.

We finally saw what happened to Cindy (flight attendant),
and the kids, Zack and Emma from the plane. And we
finally saw the temple. Of course, with Lost,
answers bring new questions, starting with: Why
was Jack bleeding on the plane? And for next week:
How will 'What Kate Does' differ from the season
two episode / flashback 'What Kate Did?'

- J

Third Year in a Row!!!

2009-12-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

Patience, Young Skywalker...

2009-11-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

As cliched as it sounds, if you have an original voice and an original idea, then no matter what anybody says, you have to find a way to tell that story. My only advice would be you have to exercise patience. I think the freshman mistake is you feel such passion for something that you need to tell it now, as opposed to saying, "Let me establish myself, and five years from now when I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit more experienced, maybe that's the time to tell that story."

Sometimes you get a present for somebody a month before their birthday and you just want to give it to them immediately. But timing is everything. So I would say it might feel like your idea is a hard sell now, but maybe in a couple years the timing will be right. Whatever you do, don't give up.

- Damon Lindelof

YES!!!

2009-09-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

The adventure you're ready for is the one you get.
- Joseph Campbell

Lost Book Club

2009-07-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

Calling all Losties and Others:

Check out and join our Lost Book Club here:
http://lostbookclub.wordpress.com

Worth Mentioning...

2009-07-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

"It is worth mentioning, for future reference, that the creative
power which bubbles so pleasantly in beginning a new book quiets
down after a time, and one goes on more steadily. Doubts creep in.
Then one becomes resigned. Determination not to give in, and the
sense of an impending shape keep one at it more than anything."

~Virginia Woolf

Everything that FALLS must converge

2009-07-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

(Response to the Lost Season Five Finale)

Very interesting and suspicious to me that there was no
Desmond in this finale.

Richard's answer to Ilana's what lies in the shadow of the statue
was Latin: ille qui nos omnis servabit which means he who will save
us all.

While waiting on Locke to take his fall, Jacob was reading
Flannery O'Connor's Everything that Rises Must Converge.
That title (of her collection and her short story of the same name)
was taken from the work of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. An
eminent scientist and cosmic mystic, Pierre Teilhard de Chardine
(1881 - 1955) presented a dynamic worldview in which he argued that
our species does occupy a special place within a spiritual universe
and that it is evolving toward an Omega point as the end-goal
of humankind on this planet.

That wasn't the only book in view last night. While Juliet's
parents were giving Rachel and Juliet the bad news,
the book on the coffee table between them was titled:
Mysteries(?) of the Americas. And did you notice how modern
Juliet's parents and their house looked? That scene / house
didn't look 70s or 80s to me. Is it possible (and it's Lost
so it is) that Richard brought her from even further in the future?
Lost is too good with sets and props so this wasn't a slip.
Juliet's folks home looked that modern for a reason. It looked
present day.

Images of black and white were all over the place from the
clothing of Jacob (white) vs Beach Guy (black) to the bitter
end with the 2010 Lost logo inverted to white background
and black letters. But I really have a hard time embracing
Jacob as all good and Beach Guy as all bad. Jacob, asking
Sayid for directions, caused Nadia to be killed. I find it
hard to believe that wasn't on purpose. Now was Nadia evil?
Working for Beach Guy? Or was Jacob there because he knew
Nadia was going to be killed regardless of his presence?
Black and white has been used in the series since season
one when Locke explained the game of backgammon to
Walt.

So Beach Guy is a shape-shifter? That's how he embodies
Locke? Does he embody Christian and everyone else who's
dead as well? Is he Smokey? Is it Smokey vs. Jacob -
and that's why the ash is around Jacob's cabin - to keep
Smokey out?

Now we know why Locke looked different to Richard - as Richard
said to Locke in last week's Follow the Leader. Because it's not
Locke. And Richard told Jack he'd been off the island three times
to visit Locke and saw nothing special about him. Now Locke appears
to be really dead in the cargo box, so is this true, is there nothing
really special about Locke - his body just a shell, a host for
the shape-shifting beach guy?

Poor Locke can't escape boxes. As a baby, he was in the incubator
box, then he worked for a box company. In the season four finale,
he was the mystery man in the box (coffin). And in this season five
finale, he was in the cargo box.

I got the eerie sense in the first scene with Beach Guy and
Jacob as they stared out at the Black Rock, that Richard was
indeed on that ship. This connected back to Richard building
a model of it in the Follow the Leader episode.

Each flashback, except for Juliet, contained Jacob interacting
with our Losties at a pivotal moment in their lives.
(Juliet didn't get a Jacob visit because why - she's not a flight 815-er?
That doesn't hold up because as far as we know Ilana wasn't
on flight 815 either and she got a visit.)

Jacob touched everyone of them during his visit - most of
them on the shoulder.
Locke - Jacob touched him on the shoulder and said "I'm sorry
this happened to you."
Kate - Jacob touched her nose, called her Katie and suggested
that she not steal anymore.
Ilana - in the hospital, at her bedside, asking her if she'll help him.
Sawyer - Jacob touched his hand when he gave little Sawyer
the pen, telling him to keep it.
Sayid - Jacob touched his shoulder right after Nadia was hit by car.
Jack - Jacob touched his hand when he gave him the Apollo bar.
(love the Apollo bar reference and that we got to see Jack learn
how to get rid of fear by counting to five - a reference to the pilot
episode.)
Sun & Jin - Jacob touched their arms while telling them in perfect
Korean not to take their love for granted.
Hurley - Jacob touched him on the chest right before he got out
of the cab as he told Hurley it was his choice.

Interesting too that Jacob visited when each of them was
with the person they loved and whose death forever changed their lives:
Jack was with Christian, Kate was with her first love Toy-Airplane-boy,
Sayid with Nadia, Sun with Jin, Hurley with Charlie via the guitar case,
Sawyer at his parents funeral - just losing them, Locke with
his father pushing him out the window.

Jacob says to Ben too - you have a choice - right before Ben
kills him. Jacob represents free will / white and Beach Guy
(or Locke-as-Loophole) represents determinism / black. This
along with who is special and why will be two of the major
themes / debates next year.

I do have to say that I was disappointed that Phil did not
not die by Sawyer's own hand.

Another Narnia reference - Jacob reminded me of Aslan,
the great lion, inviting them one and all, to help save
Narnia...

Just before Juliet left Bernard and Rose, she had her hand on her
stomach. It was an odd gesture. This was the moment
when Bernard asked her if she wanted some tea. She said,
while holding her stomach, maybe another time. Was she
pregnant with Sawyer's baby? I can't get my mind off that or
the shots of her looking back at the submarine as it disappears
into the water, like she knew her fate. Or the irony of
her repeating Jack's live together / die alone. Because she
was very alone at the end.

So until season 6 - the battle of good vs evil:
Jacob: Mankind is basically good or at least capable of choosing good.
Beach Guy / Man-in-Black: Mankind is basically evil and that will
never change. (And he has Ben as evidence.)
Jacob / Obi-Wan Kenobi: You can't win, Darth. If you strike me
down, I shall become even more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Does Jacob have a loophole as well? If the Losties did indeed
"reset" time? So until 2010 or 2007 or 2004 or....

Here we go...

2009-05-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

Kill Phil (I don't speak destiny)

2009-05-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

(Thoughts on the Lost episode, Follow the Leader
which first aired on May 6th, 2009.)

I know one thing about the future (future in 1977) -
Phil is a dead man. If Sawyer doesn't kill him next
week, I will find a way through time and fiction to
beat him to death myself with my remote control.
Because Phil broke rule one in the Raised as a
Southern Boy Handbook: Do not, I repeat, do not mess
with the woman of a southern boy. It doesn't matter
if it's the woman he loves or the woman he should
love or can't quite love - do not hit, kick, or
mess with her. He may do those things to her but
you, Phil, cannot.

In light of that, I am not responsible for my
response to next week's show. Juliet's red shirt
(lovely as it is) feels like a red flag of death.
And I am still not over the killing of my last
great fictional female love, Adriana La Cerva.
The Sopranos was never the same for me again. I'm
going to need a lot of Dharma Vanilla cookies to
get through next week's finale. I keep telling
myself, now Jennie, Ben and Juliet can't BOTH die.
But they can both be left hanging for the next
several months...

Remember in the episode The Man Behind the Curtain
when Ben took Locke to see Jacob but Locke couldn't
"see" Jacob. Ben talked to Jacob in an empty chair.
Locke heard the words "help me." Ben did not hear
them. We assumed, along with Locke and Ben, that
the words "help me" came from Jacob. What if they
came from the island? What if the island really is
talking to Locke and it wants him to kill Jacob
because Jacob is using the island (via Ben and
the Others) to his own advantage?

Or Locke wants Richard and Ben to take him to
Jacob because he's calling their bluff. Locke
has long suspected that Jacob is like the fake
wizard in the Wizard of Oz and Ben is the man
behind the curtain - as Locke said while confronting
Ben, also in the episode titled the Man Behind the
Curtain.

Either way, I don't think Locke intends to kill Jacob.
I think he's going to ask Ben to do it. Ben "has to"
do whatever Locke asks him to now. Ben "promised" the
smoke monster. (I love putting all of Ben's possible
lies in quotation marks.)

The whole thing reminds me of when Ben told Locke
to go kill the Man from Tallahassee. Locke
took Sawyer with him to do the actual killing in the
Season three episode, The Brig. Locke always
has someone else do his dirty work. This time it's Ben.

When Ben and Locke were watching Richard and Locke,
Locke referred to himself as him - in the third person.
He does view himself as different since his resurrection.
And he's walking around with this new confidence much
like Christian Shepard and Richard Alpert himself.
Richard points it out, saying Locke seems different.

It appears now that Locke is utilizing time travel to
manipulate his future. Christian, or the island, instructed
John that he would have to sacrifice himself. Christian also
told John everyone must return. It was Locke who instructed
himself to die, through Richard, in order to be resurrected
on the island. He knew full well that his resurrection on
the island would provide his new sense of purpose.

It also appears now that Locke even used time travel to
ensure that Richard would keep an eye on him from
childbirth, bringing him to the island to eventually
supplant Ben as the leader.

We know Christian was resurrected on the island from a coffin.
Did this happen to Richard too? We saw Richard building a
model of the Black Rock in this episode. Was he on the
Black Rock? Was he dead on the Black Rock and then
resurrected on the island? Is this why he has been an adviser
on the island for a very, very long time?
Is this why he doesn't age? Or does he go even further back
and was on the island when the ship wrecked? Thank you, Ro,
for this screen-shot which shows that Richard is indeed
working on a model of the Black Rock.
http://www.getlostpodcastmedia.com/wp-content/gallery/5x15-easter-eggs/01-black_rock.jpg

Egyptian mythology also speaks about the one who served as an
adviser for a very long time. He was considered the heart and
tongue of Ra in that he served as the God's mouthpiece,
translating the will of the God into speech. He is sometimes
called the mind of God and also assisted in judging the dead,
as a God of reckoning.

Kate arrived on the island in handcuffs and appeared to be
leaving the island in handcuffs. (Oh how my school boy mind
exploded the moment that Juliet, Sawyer AND Kate were suddenly
all handcuffed on the submarine.) I couldn't help but thinking
of the "love is complicated" parallels between Widmore / Eloise
and Jack / Kate in this episode. I think Widmore and Eloise are
at odds in much the same way that Jack and Kate are.

When he is talking to Eloise, Widmore touches her stomach.
Thanks to Close Caption, this is what Widmore said to Eloise
(we couldn't hear it because the scene focused on Jack and
Kate): "What? Are you insane? I'm worried about you.
Not in your condition." He says this as he touches her belly.
(How awesome that she's pregnant with her son while shooting
him at the same time!)

Kate came back to the island to find Claire for Aaron not to
detonate a bomb so she isn't going to want to go with Jack on
this one. Plus, I do think she could be pregnant. Did you see
how she looked down at her stomach, worried, when Sayid fired
his gun? Eloise, Richard, Jack and Sayid diving through the
pool reminded me of Charlie's dive in the Season Three
Finale, Through the Looking Glass. They dove
under the water fall that Jack, Kate and Hurley ended up near
when they got zapped out of the Ajira flight.

Some other fun parallels:
- Young Widmore said he found Jack and Kate hiding like rats
in the bushes. He said this to Eloise. Eloise was the name of
Daniel's lab rat. And Eloise herself appears to be something
of a rat.
- Sawyer draws a map for Radzinsky to where the Others are
after Radzinsky beats him. It reminded me of when Ben
drew a map for the Losties to "his" hot air balloon after
the Losties beat him. Did Sawyer draw a correct map? Also
it's Radzinsky who draws the map on the door in the hatch.
(Btw, Radzinsky surpassed Ana Lucia as most annoying character
ever last night. I want Phil dead but I want Radzinsky
very dead.)
- In the church that houses the Lamp Post, Eloise said "let's
get started" to Ben, Jack and Sun. She said it again to Jack,
Sayid, and Richard in this episode, in the temple that
houses Jughead.
- John greets Richard with a dead Boar - shout out to all
the Boar hunting of season one.

Eloise confirmed that the bomb is buried under Dharmaville.
If it's leaking radiation that would be a good cause for
infertility.

The episode was titled Follow the Leader but it
reminded me more of a game of tag because of all the
shifting of leadership going on:
Radzinsky replaces Horace as Dharma leader
Locke takes over for the others, replacing Ben, Richard,
and maybe even Jacob
Jack and Kate go in separate directions after their
disagreement

With Jack and Kate's disagreement comes the long
Garden of Eden debate. If you could return to a life of
innocence, free of pain, would you? Or would you refuse to
because it would mean giving up the experiences and the
knowledge (of good and evil) that comes with it?
Jack votes for Eden. Kate votes for experience.
Jennie votes for Kate. In Steinbeck's East of Eden,
Kate is the name of the protagonist. In the book, she sets
fire to her parents house, killing them, AND has a son named Aron.

Sawyer called the Submarine guy Nemo. There's Finding Nemo
and then there's Captain Nemo featured in the Jules Verne
novels:20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and
The Mysterious Island. Captain Nemo is a
scientific genius who roams around in his
submarine which he helped build on a deserted island.
He secretly helps castaways off the island and, in
the end, warns them that the island will be destroyed
in a volcanic eruption.

Finally, re-watching The Variable, Eloise's
realization to Penny (It's the first time in a long time
I don't know what's going to happen next) occurs (within
the episode) right after Daniel tells Jack and Kate that
people have free will and can change their destinies. He
realizes that as a physicist, he had been focusing on the
wrong thing - constants instead of variables. The
juxtaposition of those two scenes implies that Eloise
loses her power or control in the situation just as her
son discovers that his destiny, the one she herself set in
stone, can be changed. It's as if his realization breaks
her stranglehold on those things she is trying to control
and so for the first time in a long time, she really
doesn't know how things will turn out.

And on that note I'm going to start baking my Dharma
cookies and stocking my fridge with Dhrama beer,
preparing myself for a bumpy, wild finale.

You Don't Know MY Mother

2009-05-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

(Response to Lost's 100th episode, the Variable,
which first aired on April 29th, 2009)

Oh Daniel, I think I do. She told you over and
over that you were special. Since you didn't know
whether to believe her or not, you focused on
the things you did believe, could control, the
Constants. Your constant was Desmond. He was also
shot. But he lived. You didn't focus on yourself,
the Variable, the difference maker, the free will,
and when you realized this, it was too late. You
were shot by your own mother who's every action
led you there.(Silly Jack Rabbit asked if you needed
a gun to talk to your mother.)

Of course, now by talking to little Charlotte,
and filling Jack's ear with all that talk of free will,
you have set into motion the very events that you
were rushing to try and change. Because Jack
will try and fail - causing the incident that will
later cause flight 815 to crash. Unless your Constant
buddy Desmond can do something about it.

You've also set up a potentially big fight between
Jack and Locke. Because Jack will want to stop
815 from crashing while Locke will want the crash
to happen.

I was happily amused at the fact that the press
conference to discuss Obama's first 100 days led
into the 100th episode of Lost. I was waiting for
Olivia Newton-John to roller-skate into my living
room, singing: you have to believe we are magic...

141717
Notice how Kate let Faraday go through the security
fence first. She kinda just hung back with Jack
because one never knows with Juliet. She could've
given Kate the wrong code - she didn't though.
Jules wants Kate out of the love nest, not dead.

Also the incredibly fit Kate seemed very low energy
when they were hiking through Other-land. She practically
fell down on that rock right before Jack threw her the
water bottle. Let the pregnancy rumors swell...

When Sawyer asked Juliet if she had his back, she answered
his question with a question. (So she never really answered
which is why I'm absolutely in love with her.) Oh Jules,
what are you not telling us? What are you telling us? Since
the rest of the season builds up to the incident which is
happening in 4 hours or so, does that mean you're spending
the rest of this season in that red shirt? Please, please,
pretty please? Also, do you know who Penelope's mom is?

Penelope has a brother from another mother who is an other.
I would pay to hear Eminem rap that line. This makes Penny
and Daniel half siblings just like Jack and Claire: Same daddy,
different mommies.

Daniel, Jack and Ben can all play piano. Little Dan was playing
Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu in C-sharp minor. The piece has an
ambiguous fantasy like ending. It is written in cut time. This is
the scene were Daniel tells his mother he can make time. I know this
piece because my mother made me take piano lessons for years. Now
I know why- so I could recognize that piece and write about it in
this post years later. This is my brain on Lost.

There's a book on Ben's shelf, the one leading to his magic wardrobe,
called Flowers for Algernon. In that book, the protagonist,
named Charlie, ends up becoming a sacrifice in the name of science.
He is part of a scientific experiment - making a mentally deficient
boy a genius by artificial means.

There's a lot of child sacrificing going on:
Eloise sacrifices Daniel by shooting him herself.
Charles sacrifices his relationship with Penny for the island.
Claire sacrifices Aaron by leaving him in the woods.
Kate then leaves Aaron to return to the island.
Sun leaves her kid to return to the island.
Ben sacrifices Alex.

Now Eloise is no mother of the year and it's looking like
Daniel is her (and Widmore's) lab rat. But it also feels
like Abraham's test in the Book of Genesis. The Lord
asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, as a
test of obedience. Of course, as Abraham is about
to make the sacrifice, an angel prevents him from doing
so. This didn't happen with Eloise and Daniel. If Jack
is able to change the future, then Daniel is spared. But...

Here's what happens if flight 815 doesn't crash on
the island:
Kate goes to prison
Charlie remains a junkie and probably dies
Locke remains in a wheelchair
Rose dies of cancer
Jack gets depressed and kills himself
Desmond keeps pushing the button and Penny never finds him
Sun and Jin do not reconcile and do not have a baby
Claire goes to LA, gives up Aaron which is bad because
she's supposed to raise him
Sawyer remains a con artist and probably ends up dead or in jail
Ana Lucia stays alive and annoys everyone she comes in contact with
Ditto for Boone and Shannon
Michael raises Walt or more like Walt will raise Michael
Hurley keeps his money and his bad luck
Ben dies of a tumor (and a broken I'm-out-of-the-book-club heart)
The therapist on the island kills Juliet for stealing her husband

NO ONE WANTS THAT. This is Lost not As the World Turns...
not going to happen. Jack will fail miserably at trying to
change the events - his attempt sets off the incident itself.
Our Losties will cause the incident that in return causes
flight 815 to crash.

Here's a dialog parallel:
In the Season three episode, the Man Behind the Curtain,
Ben takes Locke to see Jacob in the Cabin and says to
invisible Jacob: Okay, you've had your fun.
Dr. Chang says to Faraday about his time travel babble:
Okay, you've had your fun.

Now both Eloise and Charles went to great lengths to
keep Desmond away from Penny. I think it's because they
both knew that Desmond needs to be on the island or
return to the island and he won't leave Penny. Remember,
Desmond is the "key" to the whole thing. I think Desmond
will be the one who gets the island and everyone back
on track.

Last season we got an episode called the Constant.
This season we got one called the Variable. It's
called the Variable, not the Variables. This episode
proved that Daniel was wrong, that things can be changed.
While Desmond is Daniel's constant, Daniel was the
variable in the equation that could have changed things
but he didn't realize that until it was too late.

Sawyer called Faraday, H.G. Wells. H.G. Wells wrote a
novella called the Time Machine which is about a man who
time travels. In the future, he finds a small group of people
called the Eloi. (Note how close Eloi is to Eloise. I'm just saying...)

The Eloi's Utopian existence turns out to be deceptive.
The Traveler soon discovers that the class structure of his
own time has in fact persisted, and the human race has diverged
into two branches. The wealthy, leisured classes appear to have
devolved into the ineffectual Eloi he has already seen, and the
working classes have evolved into the bestial Morlocks, cannibal
hominids resembling human spiders, who toil underground maintaining
the machinery that keep the Eloi — their flocks — docile and
plentiful. Both species, having adapted to their routines,
are of distinctly sub-human intelligence.

In the Season Four episode, The Shape of Things to Come,
Ben confronts Widmore and says, you've changed the rules.
I think like Eloise, Ben knew what was going to happen,
what was supposed to happen. But for Ben, that knowing ended
when Alex was killed. Charles changed the rules by sending
Faraday and his special team to the island. This changed and
manipulated the events as Ben knew them to be.

Now we know why Daniel was so slow to answer Jack and the
Losties when he showed up on the island. Daniel paused
when Jack asked him what his name was. The island's healing
powers were slowly healing him.

Thinking further on the Flowers for Algernon reference,
perhaps Daniel was conceived for the sole purpose of finding
a way to return to the island. Eloise and Charles would
have to find a way to ensure that he becomes a genius but with
Widmore's money and Eloise's "supernatural" abilities,
they could come up with a way. (But is Eloise a physic?
Or does she get her hands on Daniel's journal when
she kills him in 1977 and uses it to tell the future,
to find Desmond, his constant? Because all that info is
in the journal.)

If Daniel was conceived or altered for the island,
is that also the case with Miles and Charlotte? These
three were all recruited by Charles to get his Island
back. Were they also conceived and altered to get his
island back? This is a man who staged a fake plane crash.

This would also explain the coldness from Eloise and Charles
toward Daniel. They were serving the island by being Daniel's
parents and sacrificed him for the same reasons. By the time
Daniel returned to the island in 1977, he'd served his purpose
so Eloise didn't even hesitate in shooting him.

A sacrifice is needed for atonement. In the Bible, free will
enters the equation when Adam and Eve partake of the knowledge
of good vs evil in the garden. Jack and Kate, moments before
the sacrifice of Faraday, are introduced to the concept of
their own free-will-in-time by Faraday. His gift of knowledge
of free will could be the intervening factor that causes Eloise
to no longer know what will happen because now the Losties are
aware of their ability to alter the future.

But it is the exercising of their free will that causes the
need for atonement to begin with ala the Adam and Eve Biblical
metaphor. Humans exercising their free will led to sin which
led to separation from God which led to the need for atonement.
The very act of Faraday explaining to Jack and Kate that they
have the ability to alter the future is what sets in motion the
events that lead to Faraday's death / sacrifice. I like to think
if Lost was one big Bible metaphor or a novel written by Stephen
King, the two skeletons in the cave would be Jack and Kate and
that's our last shot of the whole series...but I think our
Damon Lindelof ending will be even better than that.
No pressure, DL, no pressure.

To end on a fun note, Faraday was reading this copy
of Wired with an article about time travel. Thanks
to Rowena for the screen shot:
http://getlostpodcast.iimmgg.com/image/089c0e261b91f5d10f609cc4f1ca954d

And who edited the current issue of Wired? JJ Abrams.
Oh Lost...you are my Wonderwall.
Wait-a-minute...
Wonderwall was the song Charlie was singing on
the street when he sees Desmond in the episode
Flashes Before Your Eyes! I just gave myself
chills because I wasn't even trying to make that reference,
to re-reference Lost. Later, on the island, Desmond
literally saves Charlie...and now, I do believe
it is Desmond who will put the island back on track:
Said Maybe,
You're gonna be the one that saves me...

Love Will Keep Us Together

2009-04-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

(Thoughts on Lost episode, Some Like it Hoth,
which first aired on April 15th, 2009.)

I think I have solved the sandwich mystery. Lately, we've been
getting sandwiches nearly every episode. Jack made sandwiches
instead of saving little Ben's life, etc. Last night we got
Hurley loading up the VW van with sandwiches next to a dead guy.
We also got little Miles finding a dead guy in the opening
sequence who apparently died while eating a sandwich.

Well the Lost brain-trust (specifically Damon Lindelof and
Carlton Cuse) are huge Top Chef fans. And the head judge on
that show is Tom Colicchio who has written and published a book
called Wichcraft: Craft a sandwich into a meal--and a meal
into a sandwich. I think that is where our Losties
obsession with sandwiches comes from.

Speaking of books, I was reminded last night of The Turn of the
Screw again. We know a copy of that book was in the hatch. And
behind the book was the first orientation video by Dr. Chang that
we saw. The main character in that book is named Miles. In the novel,
Miles is a ten year-old boy whose governess becomes obsessed with the
idea that he and his younger sister are going to be (or already are)
corrupted by ghosts of their deceased former governess and her lover.

Now, Miles' mother said his father didn't love him. Is she saying that
because maybe along with using rabbits and Polar Bears for experiments,
maybe Dr. Chang used his son? Remember Dharma has an interest
in parapsychology. Maybe that's where Miles gets his powers from?
Notice when Miles visited his mother on her death bed, he asked her
two questions: What happened to his Dad and why he was the way he was.
Mommie didn't answer the second question - why not? Is it because his
father made him that way and she wanted to keep that piece of info
from him?

In the Orchid video, we see Dr. Halowax and Rabbit 15. Halowax is
talking about the real reason Dharma is on the island - time travel
experiments. Halowax is holding Rabbit 15. Suddenly he hears a noise
behind him and it is another Rabbit 15. The rabbit had time shifted
and two rabbit 15s were in the room. Halowax freaks out and tells
everyone to get the two rabbits away from each other. Is Miles
Rabbit 15 - an experiment like that. Wouldn't surprise me at all
if Dr. Chang knows who this Miles is driving him around.

There were so many great lines in this episode. "That douche
is my dad" being an all time favorite. But another one that
really struck me in terms of all the daddy issues on the show
was: "If you needed your son to know that you loved him, you
should have told him while he was still alive." Miles realizes
that you cannot purchase redemption. This is addressed when he
gives the money back to the father he scammed and in the van
when Miles asks Bram for double the money Widmore has offered
him. (There's our 3.2 million dollars, making me a happy girl -
the amount Miles wanted from Ben when he got to the island
was double what Widmore was going to pay Miles for finding
Ben. Nice. Now if Bram works for Ben, Ben most certainly
knew why Miles was asking for THAT amount.)

Speaking of numbers, 1.6 million - why would Widmore offer
1.6 million - because it's another numbers reference to 16.
We got more number references all over the place last night.
We got Hurley's lottery numbers being entered as the serial
number of the hatch: 4 8 15 16 23 42

We got 3:16 on the microwave, another reference to John 3:16
and the return flight - flight # 316. The number on the
apartment door where little Miles heard his first dead guy
was Apt. # 4. The security tape that Miles wassupposed to
erase was tape # 4. The Sports Illustrated that Miles was
reading (dated March 14th, 1977) had Tommy Lasorda on the
cover and said "After 23 years... new boss in LA," so there's
another 23.

The Shadow of the statue code / riddle is reminiscent of
the 23rd Psalm: "Though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me..."
Could the smoke monster be the shadow of death? (And yes,
Psalm 23 is yet another 23.)

We know that Bram works with Ilana, and I think for Ben.
But could the team "that's gonna win" be led not by Ben but
by Eloise or whatever is left of the Dharma Initiative?
Is it more than a simple war between Ben and Widmore - both
who think they have the islands best interest at heart?
And just because Ilana and Bram appear to be working for
Ben, that doesn't mean they can't have interests and
loyalties elsewhere as well. Btw, Bram is a variation
on the name Abraham, the father of Isaac, who is the
father of... wait for it...JACOB. And then there is Bram
Stoker but I won't go near the subject of vampires
right now. ; )

Here are two fun screen-shots. Thanks Rowena!
One is of the book that Dr. Chang is reading his son,
baby Miles which is indeed: Me and My Polar Bear

http://getlostpodcast.iimmgg.com/image/9b88306bfa5c7841bedc44ed87bce154

I caught Jack erasing a chalkboard full of
Egyptian notes in the classroom, but couldn't see exactly what
the notes were until Ro sent this awesome screen-shot:

http://getlostpodcast.iimmgg.com/image/c45d987a8a200344ab47a3f08ff93504

We got another rabbit / Alice in Wonderland
reference. Little Miles finds the key to the dead man's room
under a white rabbit.

Felix, the dead guy who served as Miles' audition, was
probably killed by Tom Friendly, Ben's former right
hand Other. Remember Tom showed Michael the empty grave
photos and purchase order for the old airplane in New
York to convince Michael to get on Widmore's freighter.
How did Tom get that evidence? Off of dead Felix?!
Now was Felix taking that info to Widmore as proof
that it had been done for Widmore or by Ben. I lean
toward Widmore being behind this but you can't trust
me entirely, I work for Ben. (If you hadn't figure that
out already.)

Miles was around a lot of dead guys last night but the
one he picked up from Radzinksy was not shot in the head.
He's Dharma and was probably digging around like every other
Dharma guy seems to be doing. The magnetic field stuff that
we know is all around the hatch dislodged his metal filling
and shot right through his head. Miles kinda explains this,
in that kinda sorta Lost way.

There were Star Wars references all over the place,
starting with the title of the show, Some Like It Hoth.
But for me the biggest one was the Luke / Darth = Miles / Dr.
Chang reference. Marvin Candle / Dr. Change loses his
arm later - we know this. Luke lost his hand but Darth
Vader loses his arm via Luke in Return of the Jedi.
(The episode's title also references the Billy Wilder
buddy movie, Some Like It Hot. No surprise that
the episode featured Miles and Hurley thrown together
in a mis-adventure.)

This brings me to the incident that we're heading very
quickly toward. There are three episodes left for this
season. The next one, in two weeks, is called The Variable
and is Faraday-centric. It's the 100th episode and I think
the Variable is a reference back to the Constant somehow.
(The Constant is the time-traveling Penny / Desmond episode
from season four. That's where we learn that Penny is Desmond's
constant and Desmond is Faraday's constant. We kinda sorta know
what a constant is. Now we're gonna kinda sorta learn what
a variable is. Please review chapters 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42
by the next episode.)

The season finale is called The Incident.
What is this incident? Is it the jughead?
Remember in the 1950s, Faraday observed the jughead bomb
and advised Elly & the Others to bury it. Now the Dharmas
are digging, building the hatch / Swan station. We learned
last night that they are doing some of this digging where
they are not supposed to, in Hostile / Others territory.
(Would the Others really let them do this? Or do they
know something bad will happen to the Dharmas if they
keep digging?)

I think the digging is going to set off old Jughead and that
is this incident. I think this is why women on the island
after 1977 cannot bring babies to term. I think this is
why, later, Miles' mother was dying of (probably) cancer -
exposure to jughead or radioactive materials while on the
island. This could be the source of, over time, Ben's
tumor. And again, what about Juliet's sister? I think
her sister, Rachel is the key to all of Juliet's motives.
Perhaps her sister was on the island and got sick at one
point. Maybe Jules found this out at some point.
Perhaps Juliet stayed behind for her sister, to see
her sister again - and not for Sawyer. Remember, every
action of Juliet's in Season Three was to cure and then
see her sister again. She's not just going to let that go.
Or as Juliet said in this episode, here we go again...

Holy Smoke...I was just hoping for an apology

2009-04-10T13:44:00.000-07:00

Reactions to Lost episode, Dead is Dead
which first aired on April 8th, 2009.

I woke up at 4:23am to the thought: oh, Ben got
Widmore's phone number from Eloise! Then I went
back to sleep, dreaming of arriving at the gates of
Heaven where Michael Emerson waited to read to me
eternally...in his hands was a copy of Charles Dickens'
Our Mutual Friend referenced yet again in last night's
episode.

It's the last novel that Dickens completed. In Season Two,
we learnthat Desmond has read every Dickens novel except
this one. And that he carries a copy of the book around
with him, intending for it to be the last book he reads
before his death. Our Mutual Friend is full of
father / daughter relationships. It is about a missing
man who is presumed dead but is actually alive. He allowed
others to believe he was dead so that he could investigate
on his own. Last night it came up again as the name of
Desmond and Penny's boat.(When Ben was on the pier about
to shoot Penny, there was another boat name in view,
in the background. That boat name: Savage.)

I'm starting to believe that Our Mutual Friend is
not just a reference to the book. That it is a reference
to the one person / being that all our castaways and Others
have in common. The person who links them altogether, their
own mutual friend: Jacob. Somehow Jacob is connected to all
of them. Perhaps the protagonist in the Dickens novel is not
meant to mirror just Desmond but Jacob himself. I thought
immediately of the Wizard of Oz when the Smoke Monster
surrounds Ben, showing him his memories in the smoke like
Dorothy seeing her life images in the tornado. The writers
have always surrounded Ben with Oz references - like in the
first Ben-centric episode, the Man Behind the Curtain - but
this time it was literal.

Interesting that Smokey confronted Ben with flashbacks. Flashbacks
have always been a staple of the show. It felt like Smokey was
judging him through the flashbacks which is how we have come to
see, know and judge these characters - by flashbacks / forwards
that we see every week.

Also, Smokey sent out flashes of light at Ben, reminding me of
when it came across Kate and Juliet in the rainy jungle in Season
Three's episode, Left Behind. The Smoke Monster flashed
Juliet several times. Was Smokey passing judgment on her then?
Was she pardoned? Does the Smoke Monster pardon the person forever
or just put them on parole? Like Alex seemed to warn Ben: mess
up again and you're dead! I think it's a simple matter of the
island not being done with you. As soon as it is (like Michael),
you're dead. Reminds me of a favorite Richard Bach quote: Here is
a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished.
If you're alive, it isn't.

Here's a shot of the hieroglyphics that Ben saw above Smokey's lair.
Thank you, Rowena, for sending this:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_n3eH1jI8AZ8/Sd1YgQw89DI/AAAAAAAAPp0/uEd7fm2S-bY/s1600-h/512+glyphs+image.jpg

It looks like the dog-headed creature being judged by Smokey is Anubis,
the Canine God of the dead. Also known as the conductor of the underworld,he was believed to have feet like a dog = 4 toes = our four toed statue.

Parallels:
Ben goes to kill Danielle and stops when he sees baby Alex. Ben
goes to kill Penny and stops when he sees baby Charlie. Ben's
mother was taken from him at childbirth by death so he
cannot do that to someone else. He may steal the baby -
as inthe case of Alex because, I believe, he thinks that
he is less crazy / a better parent than Danielle but he
cannot kill the mother. His compassion is not just for the
children but for the mothers as well. He warned Danielle to
run away from the whispers and he lowered his gun on Penny.
Ben knows, first hand, the pain of separation between mother
and child. Makes me wonder what he thinks about
Kate / Claire / Aaron. That leads me, again, to the
conversation he and Kate had over breakfast that day on the beach in
Season Three's A Tale of Two Cities.

Speaking of Danielle Rousseau - she would have recognized Ben
later as Henry Gale when she captured him in Season Two.
She does, turning him over to the castaways and telling Sayid
that Ben is one of the others, that he is not to be trusted.
Ben swears to Sayid that his name is Henry Gale and that he too
is a castaway on the island. Rousseau backed down at that
moment because, I think, she feared for her life and for Alex
as Ben warned when he took baby Alex.

Smokey has judged Ben, letting him live. This would lead us
to believe that Ben has been doing right by the island. But
doesn't Alex being dead prove Widmore right: Alex should
have been killed all along; the island wants what it wants.
Perhaps they both are right on some level. Perhaps Alex's
purpose was to save / redeem Ben, whip him into shape
so he can help / serve under Locke.

Smokey seems to manifest or shape-shift into the family
member who's death the character is being judged for.
Eko was responsible for his brother, Yemi's death.
Yemi was conjured up by Smokey. Eko wouldn't ask for
forgiveness and was killed. Ben was responsible for
his daughter Alex's death. She appeared via Smokey.
Ben repented and it let him live. Now I do think Ben
was sincere in that moment because if Smokey can see
Ben's plot to kill Locke a second time, surely,
it has a built in bull shit detector.

Eko didn't ask Smokey for forgiveness because he was
a priest at that point. To him, the Smoke Monster was a
false God. When Smokey thrashes Eko to death, it does so
in the sign of the cross, making a mockery of the One who
Eko believes has the right to absolve his sins. And since
Smokey is the judge of who lives and dies, I want to know
what the Flight 815 pilot did to make Smokey rip him out
of the plane in Season One.

Locke - the Risen One!
Ben confirmed for us that although the island heals,
Locke is the first to have been brought back from the dead.
(From a biblical standpoint, resurrection into eternal life
has only happened once.) Ben asks Locke if his "knowing" came
gradually or did he just wake up one morning understanding
all the mysteries of the universe. This is an age old debate
about Jesus - called "Christ consciousness." Locke also
mystically knows where the temple is, making Ben go underneath
it. Jesus is said to have descended to Hades between his death
and resurrection.

Now, who thinks Ben grabbed the picture of Alex and him
because he felt sentimental? Or was it so Caesar or someone
else wouldn't find it and know he'd been on the island before?
Or BOTH?!

This week, Locke says to Ben: You don't like asking
questions that you don't know the answers to. Last week, Roger
says about Sawyer: He doesn't ask questions that he doesn't
already know the answers to.

Speaking of Sawyer, in the very opening sequence, when Widmore
rides up on the horse to the others camp, the guy walking by
in front of him looks like Sawyer - same walk, slouching
shoulders, etc. Check it out in DVR slow mo. And it could be -
Sawyer could be banished by the Dharma at that point for giving
injured little Ben to the Others.

Speaking of seeing Charles ride up on a horse - now we know
why Kate saw a random horse in the jungle.

Ben doesn't remember being shot or that our Losties were in
1977 Dharma but he knows he was taken to the temple to heal.
He also remembers how awful his father was, telling Widmore
that he doesn't want to go back to his dad.

Images of power shifts are all over the place. We see Ben's
office. Locke actually sits at Ben's old desk, puts a leg up
- literally taking Ben's seat. Widmore is ushered off the
island, Ben taking his place. Ben is orderedby Smokey to start
taking orders from Locke - the torch passing complete.

When Ben and Locke enter Ben's old house, the game of Risk, still
in progress, is laid out on the table. That was the same game that
Locke, Sawyer and Hurley are playing in the opening of Season Four,
Ben-centric episode, The Shape of Things to Come. It's also
the game that Locke played with his co-workers during his lunch break
at the box company. Who is on the quest for world domination?
Widmore? Ben? Eloise? Locke? Jacob? The Island?

Speaking of boxes, that mysterious box on the beach that Ilana
suddenly had reminded me of the season three episode, The Man from Tallahassee. When Ben says to Locke:
Let me put it so you'll understand. Picture a box.
You know something about boxes, don't you,
John? What if I told you that somewhere on this
island, there's a very large box and whatever you
imagined, whatever you wanted to be in it,
when you opened that box, there it would be.

So who's box is it and what do they want it be?
By the way, I still think Ilana works for Ben -
based on their eye contact / exchange on the beach.
Ilana's question to Frank, "What lies in the shadow
of the statue" has to be code like Desmond's "what did
one snowman say to the other?" Is it more than just a
code? Who can answer her correctly?

I'm starting to wonder about Juliet's sister, the one
that Jacob supposedly cured from cancer. She had a
kid - Juliet impregnated her - uh, HOT. She has to be
looking for Jules, right? She probably doesn't have
the resources that Penny Widmore does but still.

Next week is Miles-centric. Will probably find out that
he was Marvin Candle's baby from the first episode of
this season. But I want to know why Miles wanted,
specifically, 3.2 million dollars from Ben when he
first got to the island. Ben pointed that out saying:
why 3.2, why not 3.3 or 3.4??
Of course, Ben probably knew the answer.
But I want to know!

Growth Spurt for Freckles

2009-04-08T08:27:00.000-07:00

(Thoughts about Lost episode, "Whatever Happened, Happened,"
Season Five, original air date: 04/01/09)

First, let me get the obvious out of the way:
Jack picks a fine time to be a shithead. It reminds me of the
first episode of season three, A Tale of Two Cities, when Juliet
says: I don't think you're stupid, Jack, I think you're stubborn.
It is in that episode - when Juliet gives him the chance to find
out anything about his friends & family back home that all he
wants to know is if his ex-wife is happy - in that moment I truly
love Jack. I think Juliet does in that moment too.

But the moment when Jack refuses to help save a dying 12 year
old boy (no matter who that boy grows up to be) is precisely the
Moment when I stop loving Jack - and Juliet does too. (Of course
the writers will have me loving him again by next season when he
too redeems himself but for now...)

Because Jack's refusal to save Ben creates the monster that Ben
becomes. And yes, whatever happened happened and this is
Ben's destiny, yadda, yadda BUT it didn't HAVE to be that way.
Thanks, Jack. The man who saved so many - from his ex-wife
to big Ben, has essentially wiped out the folks in the Dharma
Initiative by not saving little Ben or so it appears.

The OTHER side = The Dark side
Maybe Jack is meant to come back to the island so he could
see first hand why Ben turns out the way he does. Because he
wouldn't save Ben's life in 1977, Jack is responsible for Ben going
to the Other side. Then in 2004, he is able to, unknowingly, redeem
himself by saving Ben's life when he removes the spinal cord tumor.
It's all about redemption - again.

We have another paradox:
Locke: Welcome back to the Land of the Living.
Charlotte: This place is Death.
(Of course, Locke is saying this on the smaller
island and Charlotte is on the main island / Death.)
But which is it - a place of the living or a place of death?
The Others and the Dharma scientists appear to be
after the same thing- a way to escape death and
recycle life. The Others through supernatural ways
(example: smoke monster); Dharma through scientific
means. Remember the Swan Orientation tape was hidden
on the bookshelf behind Henry James' Turn of the Screw.
Turn of the Screw is a ghost story, although there is
a question about whether or not the ghosts are real or if the person
who sees the ghosts is crazy(ala Hurley). The orientation film itself
reveals that while Dhrama is involved in the physical sciences; it
is also experimenting in Parapsychology - a big part of which is
understanding what happens after someone DIES.

If the Island is the Land of the Living, maybe the Temple is the
access point to the Land of the Dead (Temple of Doom, anyone?)
And the smoke monster is Cerberus, the multi-headed dog who
guards the gates of Hades. One of the rivers of Hades (the abode
of the dead / Sheol) is Lethe and in Greek mythology, Lethe is
the river of forgetfulness. In Greek mythology, some believed that
souls were required to drink from this river of forgetfulness before they
were reincarnated, in order to wash out the memory of their past lives.
This reminds me of what Richard said about Ben - that he wouldn't
recall anything, he would forget everything that has happened.
Locke welcomes Ben back to the "land of the living" at the very
moment Richard takes young Ben to the "temple of death" to
forget or lose his innocence.

The title of next week's episode is Dead is Dead. But I don't think
this is going to be a literal death for Ben. I think it means the death
of his innocence, that he will never be the same. I think we have way
too much to learn still from Ben. He has much to explain to us:
the war with Widmore, Eloise, the Purge, Annie, the real Henry,
the fate of Penny, etc. I don't think the writers, good as they are,
can explain all of that in a 42 minute episode.

Knowing that Ben will change forever once Richard and the Others take
him adds meaning to Widmore's comment to Ben in the episode,
The Shape of Things to Come:
"Don't forget, boy - I know what you are."
(It always struck me how he called grown Ben "boy" in that scene
and I think it goes back to this moment - what Ben becomes when
Richard takes him. And notice Widmore says, I know WHAT you are,
not who.)

Interesting that Ben's new life as an Other coincides with his loss of
innocence and that it is what he wants: the fulfillment of his 12 year old
dreams, rescuing him from his angry, abusive father.
I also find it interesting that the writers give us young Ben saying,
"Tell my Dad I'm sorry I stole his keys", a contrition; is that the last
thing he ever feels true remorse for? It was an odd and important moment.
We already knew that he took his Dad's keys. The line confirmed it, yes,
but it was also something else. I believe the last moment he feels
bad, truly bad, about something.

Jack is now channeling Locke:
"I came back because I was supposed to"
"Maybe the Island just wants to fix things itself"

I love how "love" has now saved Ben twice. Jack saved Ben
because he loves Kate and she asked him to. Sawyer helped
save little Ben because he loves Juliet and she asked him to.
It is another nice parallel and even more sweet to me because
love saves the man (Ben) who is not capable of loving. How
hot was Juliet helping Kate give blood to little Ben?
Will he really not remember those two working together
so passionately (a little too passionately) to save him?
(I do not believe it's just about saving a little boy for
either one of them at this point.)

When Ben wakes up with Locke at the end, does he remember,
the way Desmond remembers his talk with Faraday when he
wakes up "from a dream" next to Penny? Is this why Ben said
he reads / has read every one of his books twice - because
he has recycled himself?

Perhaps also, this is why Ben said he was born on the island -
because he doesn't remember NOT being born on it. This
would mean he doesn't remember Sayid shooting him. I think
he does, especially now that he and Sayid have caught up with
each other, in the way that Desmond remembers the encounter
with Faraday once they both have had the experience.

I think both Juliet and Kate know more than they are letting on.
Juliet knows exactly what was going to happen to Ben when
Kate took him to the Others for help. And Kate seemed to know
what was up with Roger Linus. She's a clever gal but she seemed
almost prepared for it. Makes me really, really want to know what
she and Ben talked about at breakfast on the beach that day
back in season three.

The woman in the Supermarket who found Aaron was supposed
to resemble Claire and an aged Claire at that. How spooky! And
Sawyer said that he'd done a lot of growing up in three years,
but Kate's grown even more.

There are more music parallels in this episode:
Patsy Cline continues to haunt Kate. We heard "She's Got You"
as Kate pulled up to Cassidy's house in her car. The last
time we heard that very song was in last season's Eggtown
when we learned that Kate was raising Aaron as her own.

Kate sang "Catch a Falling Star" to Aaron just like Christian sang to
Claire when she was a child. I think Aaron fits into the big picture
of Lost in a major way. Kate singing that song to him made me think
again of The Little Prince who fell from a STAR to the desert and
met there a survivor of a plane crash. (And of course, the Lost
episode from this season named The Little Prince.)

Did Clementine ever got the money that Sawyer had put away
for her in the episode, The Long Con? In the song,
"Oh My Darling, Clementine," she dies young and becomes a ghost
to haunt the living:
Oh my darling, Oh my darling,
Oh my darling Clementine,
You are LOST and gone forever,
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.

Our love quadrangle has come full circle - Kate is definitely over
Sawyer and Juliet is definitely over Jack. Yet, things have
gone exactly the way they were supposed to with Ben going to
the Others. Kate came back for Claire, not Sawyer. I think Kate is
still in love with Jack and will always love him.
Sawyer is happy now with Juliet even though he finally called
Kate freckles. He said it when he came to help her with little Ben;
letting her know he was still on her side even though he
no longer wants to be with her. Nice. Of course, Sawyer and Juliet
will be blamed and have to answer for the missing little Ben.

Juliet is still an Other - once an Other, always an Other. I wonder
if she knew, perhaps from Richard, that she was supposed to be the
one that leads young Ben to become an Other. I wonder if / when
she lost her innocence. Remember she's a marked woman. She
went to trial as an Other and has the markings on her back.
What would happen if the Dharmas saw that?

More parallels - Ben and Locke both had to kill their
fathers to prove they were worthy to lead the Others.
Kate killed her father and you could even say that Jack
indirectly killed his - turning Christian in sent him on his
drunken binge to Australia. I want to know why this is an
important rite of passage? Or do the Lost writers just have
severe daddy issues?

Notice how Richard always appears out of nowhere - like
Superman / Clark Kent? It's almost as if he walks right
out of another time.

Finally, I'll end where it begins for me. My Lost journey began with a lie.
The truth is, I didn't watch it from the beginning. Like most things
good for me, I resisted at first. It was not until I was staying with
my girlfriend, taking a five minute break from writing that I walked
into the room in time to hear that perfectly actor-ly voice say:
my name is Henry Gale.

I knew the little bastard was lying, Wizard of Oz freak that I am:
Henry Gale was Dorothy's Uncle. It was love at first lie.
I've gone back and watched season one more than once but
the character that I have always found the most thrilling is Ben.
(And I'm not just talking Lost, I'm talking in all of fiction for
me now.)

I think that the day Ben's tumor was removed; he started down his
own slow path to redemption. Ben is like the remorseful Judas who is
trying to come back and answer for his sins and / or undo what he did.
He thinks if he can make things right then all the bad will be erased.
Now he must face judgment in the form of the smoke monster.
I do not think he kills Penny but I think he broke the rules -
by coming back, by killing Locke, by using his time as the Others
leader to obsess over fertility issues...will he vanish into a puff of
smoke? I don’t think so but this next episode is the episode I've been
waiting for and yet, it's the one I can wait for. I don't think the road
ends for him next week, but, either way, I am in no hurry for the
end of Ben.

I'm the Man Who Loves You

2009-03-30T09:54:00.001-07:00

Juliet,

Sayid sure was right when he said, on the Long Beach dock, that if he
ever saw me again, it would be very unpleasant for the both of us.
Of course, I'm not going to die because you can't let me. Both you
and I know that you can't let me because later on you need me to
have Jacob cure your sister of cancer. And of course because you
save my life and care for me, well, this is why I've always carried
a torch for you, it's why I brought you to the island, gave you your
own house and all those opera CDs you love so much. That and you're
not bad to look at. But you've already figured all this out. Other
men come and go from your life but they can't understand all your
levels like I do and they die on you anyway. Just think of me as
your energizer bunny, Juliet, I keep on ticking for you.

Jack will not save me. He's done that once already. And I wonder if
the tumor on my spine - the one I develop later - I wonder if that is
somehow connected to this incident. Make sure you get all the
bullet out, will you? Jack won't save me because he thinks it's better
if I die as well. Plus, he's a janitor now and can't blow his cover
which operating on me will do. You've already delivered Amy's baby
so Dharma knows you can do this and you've been with them for three
years so you've built some trust with them. Still be careful, my love.
One wrong move, you and Sawyer will find yourselves on the chopping
block. Kate is more of an ally than you think. She can help you
save me.

But in the off chance that I don't pull through, there's some things that
I should share with you:

If the Dharma people have Tasers then the Others do too so be careful.
Tasers have been around about three years - invented in 1974.

Yes, it was me who sent the burning bus through the camp so I could
distract everyone and get Sayid out of there so don't waste time
trying to figure out who it was.

Be careful about suggesting to Sawyer that you two are playing house.
Kate used that line on him right before she left him that last time to
return to Jack and get on the helicopter off the island. She accused
Sawyer of wanting to stay on the island and play house. Looks
like he got what he wanted, huh? A house bunny...I'm sorry,
I promise to stop with the bunny jokes if you save my life.

When the Dharmas were voting in their meeting about what to do with
Sayid, they brought up the names Gerald and Karen DeGroot, suggesting
they call Ann Arbor. The DeGroots are the University of Michigan
(Ann Arbor)grad students who founded Dharma. This was discussed
in the Swan Orientation tape that they made you watch but you may
have been daydreaming about James so on the off chance that you
missed it... The couples whereabouts are "unknown." Remember the
Adam and Eve skeletons in the caves - the caves that the castaways
were using? I've long thought that those skeletons belonged to the
DeGroots. Ironic, don't you think - that like Adam and Eve, their
Dharma Utopia did not turn out as they planned.

I gave a book to Sayid right before he shot me. It's probably still
in his jail cell. I can't really see him taking it with him. You
might want to go grab it before anyone else does. It's called A Separate Reality: Further Conversations with Don Juan. It's allegedly
a non-fiction book written by anthropologist / author Carlos Castaneda
in 1971. It concerns events that took place during an apprenticeship
he claimed to have served with a self-proclaimed Yaqui Indian sorcerer,
Don Juan Matus, between 1968 and 1971. Castaneda describes the experiences
he has with Don Juan while under the influence of psychotropic plants
offered him. The main focus on the book centers around Don Juan's
attempts to get Carlos to See, a practice best described as,
in Castaneda's own words, 'perceiving energy directly as it flows through
the universe.' The author elaborates on the mental processes involved
with him realizing that plants are a necessary tool to arrive at seeing.
Of course, He's Our You, Oldham is the Don Juan sorcerer in A Separate Reality: older man, unmarried, Native American, lives in a tee-pee,
generous giver of mind-altering drugs and closely resembling Larry of I'm Larry...this is my brother, Daryl and this is my other brother, Daryl.
And you may want to take Oldham a new record. He just keeps listening
to "I Can't Give you Anything but Love, Baby" on his record player over
and over:
I can't give you anything but love, baby
That's the only thing there's plenty of, baby
Dream a while, SCHEME a while
You're sure to find happiness and I guess
all those things you've pined for...
(I guess by "love" Oldham is thinking psychoactive drugs.)

You get why I gave that book to Sayid based on where they were taking
him. You might even read the book yourself or share it with James or
your book club. You do have a Dharma book club, don't you? I know it's
not anything like your favorite book, Carrie. I know how you
prefer fiction, your affection for Stephen King. I always liked to think
that's why you had such a profound appreciation for me. I hoped that one
day you'd love me in the same way that you love Carrie. We're both outsiders, misfits, unloved, unwanted, and often misunderstood.

There's a woman named Ilana who was instrumental in getting Sayid
back to the island. She works for me and is currently on the smaller
island. I had to hire her to get Sayid on the plane. She told him she
was a bounty hunter, hired by the family of one of the men he killed
for me. She looks a little like Ana-Lucia. I'm honestly not sure why
when the plane crashed, she woke up saying the name Sarah unless
she's having a secret lesbian affair with Jack's ex-wife on the mainland.
I know MOST things, my dear, but not everything.

Now that Sayid shot me when I trusted him, thinking he was an Other -
I'm going to have major trust issues. It's really a breaking bad moment
for me. I mean who can I trust? I really can't trust the hostiles now, can
I? Even if Sayid isn't one of them. Thus the beginning of my manipulative
behavior. But here's something - what if the Dharmas aren't wrong in
accusing Sayid? He's been wondering around the jungle, what if
the Others got to him, what if he's been working for the Others all along.
If Locke is their true leader and Richard knows this - from when
Locke ran into him back in the 1950s, then Richard would want
to be rid of me too. So Sayid could want me dead for the Others as well.
He could be compromised - maybe not in the way or for the reasons
the Dharma's think but...

My point is, don't trust a man who drinks MacCutcheon scotch whiskey.
You know that's Widmore's drink of choice and how he uses it to
humiliate people like Desmond Hume to the point that Desmond got
drunk off the stuff on the island and poured his heart out to Charlie.
By the way, love, MacCutcheon is also the name of a chess move.
You get me out of this mess and I'll teach it to you. Until then
stick with a man who drinks good ol' Dharma beer.

Don't be jealous of Kate. She may even lie and say she came
back for James but she did not. She has other reasons. She got
quite attached to Aaron on the mainland and is very invested in
his well being. Like I said, Kate is an ally.

Do beware of anyone with a rabbit's foot. They are supposed to be
good luck but I really think the island has an aversion to them.
Perhaps it has something to do with the Dharma people doing
time travel experiments using bunnies. Hurley had one on his
key-chain for his Camaro. My dad was found dead holding one.
People think these things bring good luck, like the Coast Guard
co-pilot who brought the Oceanic 6 home. Ilana offered Sayid
one when he didn't want to get on the flight to Guam with us.

The castaways may come to you and ask how this effects
the purge since some of them know that I caused it. Please
remind them that the purge can still happen. I told Hugo
this but remind them that I was not the leader of the Others
at the time that the purge happened; that the purge was
not my decision. I became the leader after the purge, proving
to Richard that I was worthy by killing my father - much
as I dared Locke to prove his worth by killing his father.
Please tell the castaways that at the time of the purge
I was just a tool being used by the then Others leader. They
may ask you who that was, they may even guess that it was
Charles Widmore. Explain that the hostiles were getting tired of
Charles as their leader and that through the purge I proved to be
his worthy replacement. But please tell them that the purge can
still happen - even if I don't live.

Also remind Hurley, Jack, and Kate that you have been living
with the Dharma for three years now. Yes, you shared
some crazy times with Jack & company but you were
with them for two, three months - the equivalent of summer camp.
You've been with the Dharmas for much longer so that is who
your loyalty at least needs to appear to be with and why
you're just not all happy, happy, joy, joy to see them. It's not
that simple. It never was.

Try to stay calm while caring for me - remember that all
future Other leaders have to go through near death
experiences. Locke couldn't get to the island,
wasn't ready to lead the Others until he was thrown out
a window. Richard saw that he wasn't ready when he visited John
as a little boy. It's the same with me. I have to go through this
near death experience. Like Faraday tried to explain, what
happened happened. And as you now have probably figured
out, yes, I knew first hand what a good assassin Sayid was
when I hired him for all my assassinations. I've always known
what Sayid was capable of because of what he did to me
when I was a boy. That's why I hired him. It takes a special
kind of guy, Juliet, to hire and work with a guy who shoots you
when you're twelve years old.

I've also always known what you, my love, are capable of. I knew
you could deliver healthy babies and keep mothers alive on
the island because you did it with Amy and Ethan.
And I knew that you were a capable doctor because you
saved me from this gun shot wound. Of course, you save
me because you have to, because you have to save your sister
down the road and you will do ANYTHING to save her.

But with Kate back in the picture, should Sawyer and Jack
find themselves tripping over each other for her again,
just remember: I'm the man who loves you. What if I'm Romeo
in black jeans, what if I'm Heathcliff - it's no myth.
Maybe you're just looking for someone to dance with...
And what a dance we do, my love. I guess this is the closest
I'll ever come to writing a love letter. Most of all, remember what
I told you on the hillside that day when I took you to see
Goodwin's dead body instead of taking his wife.
Remember Juliet, you're mine.

- Ben

Namaste

2009-03-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

(Thoughts on Namaste, the Lost episode which orginally aired
March 18th, 2009.)

I believe that Sun and Frank are not somewhere back in time. They
are - as it said - "thirty years later" meaning thirty years from 1977.
They are in 2007 and that desolate Othersville is actually desolate,
old Dharmaville still. The Dharma signs and photos we / Sun saw
means that the purge didn't happen. All of that would have been
removed when/if the Others took over. Looks like our Losties
somehow stop the purge from happening - again going back to the theme
of redemption. Everyone is getting to redeem themselves - the Oceanic 5
are going back, Sawyer (and Juliet) rise to the occasion
of leader, etc. Somehow they stop the purge from happening.

This does not mean that little Ben has to die. Sayid clearly thinks
that he is going to change destiny by shooting little Ben. (I do
think Sayid is going to shoot little Ben, try to kill him. And yes,
I am already growling about that but who will come to little Ben's
rescue? Who will save him? Will it not be 1970s Juliet which is
why 2004 Ben was so crushed out on her? My heart flutters
at just the thought.)

So the photo that Christian shows Sun is there because the purge
did not happen. And did you notice the door swing open
in that scene and smoke come in? And right after Christian
says, "I'm sorry but it looks like you have a long journey
in front of you," the camera goes back to Sun and in the background
a woman turns her head to look at them. My guess is this is Claire
and a big thanks to Rowena for sending this screen shot and confirming it:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_n3eH1jI8AZ8/ScHiCU8IVII/AAAAAAAAPiQ/m280-b_NbFw/s1600-h/509+sun+woman2.jpg

Namaste (the title of the episode) is not just a greeting.
It is a Sanskrit derivation that honors the divine nature inside a
person. Ironic that the notion of Namaste, Sanskrit / Indian
in etymology, is applied to the people from the Indian Airline. Perhaps
Sun didn't make the jump back in time because the divine, the grace is
not currently inside of her. She has aligned herself back on the mainland
with nefarious forces (Widmore) and used ruthless dealings to acquire
her father's company, etc. She now needs to walk a path (the journey
that Christian speaks of) to redemption. Her way back to Jin is longer
than others because she has more to atone for now.

Back to Ben (don't all roads lead there?): His walking away
was too deliberate. I think he wanted Sun (and perhaps Frank too)
to follow him to the boat. He knew she was following him. I think
that was his plan. (He pulled that sling off like his arm was
fine or perhaps he wanted Sun to think his arm was fine.)
He wanted to get Sun to go to the main island. Along with redemption,
the island seems to be pulling everyone
in a circle:
the doctor is now a janitor
(which means he's working along side Roger Linus, Ben's dad)
The Con-man is now the head of security
The professional torturer / interrogator (Sayid) is now being interrogated
Kate once left Jack (who went to Juliet) for Sawyer
Sawyer left Kate to be with Juliet

Locke is the only one who did not experience a full three years between
leaving and coming back to the island or living with Dharma. He only
experienced 3 days after leaving the island until he came back.

Of course we don't know (still) what has happened to Bernard and Rose.
Perhaps we haven't seen them but they are in 1977 too, perhaps they
have joined the Others / the Hostiles and that is why we have not seen them.

Another interesting thing I thought of is that Locke visited Jack, Kate, Hurley
and Sayid on the mainland and they all flashed back to 1977. He did not
however visit Sun and she did not flash. That's not going to be a coincidence.

I waited two weeks to hear the words "I'm Ben" and it comes when young
Ben is handing Sayid a mustard-less sandwich. This reminded me of
when Jack was held prisoner by the others and Juliet handed him
a sandwich. He said, what no ketchup? Love the little parallels. Another
one - when regarding Sayid's capture, Sawyer says, we're not savages.
Ben said something very similar when he had Jack, Sawyer and Kateheld captive.

Ilana did not seem scared at all about the impending crash / flash - which means she has to work for Ben (or Widmore).

Radzinsky was working on a model for the Swan / Hatch which is
the place that becomes his own cell - where he goes crazy, leading
to his eventual suicide.

When Jin was trying to get a report on the plane and Radzinsky was
trying to stop him, Kermit the Frog / Muppet Show was
on in the background. Remember Kermit sang Rainbow Connection
which leads us back to Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
Yes, I did just write that with a straight face.
AND, do you remember / know the lyrics to the Muppet Show theme song?
Here's an excerpt:
Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
it's like a kind of torture
to have to watch the show!

Speaking of songs, here's the lyrics to song that was
playing as Kate, Jack and Hurley are in line as new recruits:
Ride, captain, ride, upon your mystery ship
Be amazed, at the friends, you have here on your trip.
Ride, captain, ride, upon your mystery ship,
on your way, to a world that (the) others might have missed.
Okay, I added (the) - couldn't stop myself.
We saw Frank land the plane on the runway in 2007 that Kate and Sawyer
helped build in 2004. Nice confirmation there.

I was wrong about the baby. It happens. When we meet Ethan in 2004 he
justlooks way older to me than late 20s and the actor that plays him is
Tom Cruise's cousin but okay...

Of course Juliet left Kate off the list to make her sweat and to put herself
in a position of power over / to help Kate. Much the same way that Sawyer
helped Jack by making him a Janitor / Workman. Juliet has Kate on the
Motor-Pool with her because she knows (as does Sawyer) - keep your
friends close, keep your enemies closer. These two could be
the Lost Bonnie and Clyde.

Sawyer called Hurley kong and Jack doc but he did not call
Kate freckles. The only time he didn't call her freckles in the
past was when he was upset / distracted about something.
Is that it now or is he creating distance or both? Sawyer is
majorly stepping up and the tables are turned. He is the leader
now but I think his days are numbered. Every guy Juliet is
with so far has died - and terrible deaths. Her ex-husband got hit
by a bus and her other love, Goodwin got speared. We saw
both of those in season three flashbacks. I don't think
Kate will take Sawyer away from Juliet, I think death will.And not a
Christian or Locke type death but a Charlie / Boone /Shannontype death.
Just a hunch. And not one I'm happy about.

But first I have to get through Sayid shooting little Ben. I think
we're going to see Faraday's theory that we can't change the past
proved wrong. Remember he's off working undercover with the
Dharma. I think we're going to see how the Losties change the past
and prevent the purge. And the three people who I think will
have the biggest impact on changing that past and redeeming
themselves are Sawyer, Daniel and Ben. One of these
guys - all whom I love to varying degrees - won't survive it.

On that note and finally, to quote Warren Zevon,
Enjoy EVERY Sandwich.

Walk Like an Egyptian (Crush with Eyeliner)

2009-03-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

The following are random thoughts & reactions to the Lost epsiode
titled La Fluer which aired on 03/04/09 - my birthday. A new
episode of Lost was perhaps the best birthday gift ever.

La Fleur is french for Flower. As in Flower Power as in what
Sawyer gives Juliet near the end of the episode and as in what
Juliet apparently gives Sawyer every night for the better part
of three years (if you define flower the way Monica Geller does
in a flashback episode of Friends. Yes, I did go there. No,
I have not been eating the Dharma brownies.)

Keep in mind that Kate and Sawyer were only together for
3 months while it looks like Juliet and Sawyer have been kicking
it for three years - hence one reason there may be a lack of heavy
passion in those kitchen smooches. Of course, in the sense
that they are both con artists and good shots, Juliet and Sawyer
are well suited for each other and appear to be a fully functional
couple. (I do love that he believed in her birthing baby skills
and she absolutely had his back.) BUT they are both con artists.

For one thing Juliet knows that young Ben is or soon will be walking
around. Remember when the therapist tells Juliet in season four
(episode entitled The Other Woman) that Ben has a crush on Juliet because Juliet "looks just like her." It would be really funny if 1970s Juliet
is the woman 2004 Juliet looks just like.

And Sawyer may be "so over" Kate that he can't remember what
she looks like yet he has Jin working eight days a week looking
for their friends/ Kate. Yeah, Sawyer is as OVER Kate as I am over
Adrianna being killed off the Sopranos - N-E-V-E-R.

The burning question for me after last night is the name of
Amy's baby boy. In 2004, that boy would be around thirty.
This rules out Karl (Alex's boyfriend) because he's not that old.
Daniel's mother is Eloise / Elly. So I'm betting all my chips
on the baby boy's name being Desmond. I'm thinking Amy
leaves the island with him to raise the boy elsewhere. (We don't
know anything about Desmond's parents or upbringing - do we?)

There are Egyptian references all over this episode -
First, there's Richard Alpert and his very Egyptian-like eye-liner.
There's the statue in all its glory. Paul's necklace (that Amy
kept and Horace got drunk over) was a ankh. The ankh is
Egyptian hieroglyph for life. It's meaning is best summed up
as eternal life, future life, life after death.

We've seen Egyptian references before - remember the red hieroglyphics
in the hatch that appeared when the button wasn't pressed. Also
just last week, Hurley was drawing pyramids when Locke came to visit.

The only character we have affiliated with the name Paul prior
to last night is John Locke's father. He used the name as a pseudonym.
(Unless I've missed something somewhere which IS possible.)

Remember those lists that the Others always had? What if they were
lists of the people that had been on the island before so that the Others
knew not to kill them, because those peeps still needed to go back in time.

Re-watching the scene when Ben brings Sun and Jack to Eloise, I saw
another C.S. Lewis parallel. When Eloise asks "where are the rest of them,
I told you to bring them all" - it was very much like the moment when the
White Witch in the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe demands to know
where Edmund's brothers and sisters are. She needs all four of them
to trap Narnia in winter forever. (Eloise = Rat = Witch?)

What if the statue was not worn away by time but by some disaster?
The bomb for instance? Or a Volcano. There is a Volcano somewhere
on the island. In the episode, the Man Behind the Curtain
we see Young Ben in a classroom being taught about the history
of the island and volcanoes. And maybe the destruction of the statue
is what caused the fertility problems on the island? We don't know how
long the statue has been there, nor when it was destroyed. Hell, for
all we know it could be in the future. Also, we know that the exit of
the island is in Tunisia, but could that have one time been the entrance?
Hence, the Egyptian stuff. The statue could be a nod to Anubis, which
is the Greek name for the Egyptian God of the Dead. He protects the dead
and bring them into the afterlife. This could be another indication that
the island is a form of or house of Sheol, the abode of the dead or the
underworld.

Taweret, ancient Egyptian goddess of maternity and childbirth, protector of women and children, is another theory about the statue.
(thanks to Rowena for sharing this with me:)
"In most subsequent depictions, Taweret was depicted with features of a pregnant woman. In a composite addition to the animal-compound she was also seen with pendulous breasts, a full pregnant abdomen, and long, straight human hair on her head. As a protector, she often was shown with one arm resting on the sa symbol, which symbolized protection, and on occasion she carried an ankh, the symbol of life, or a knife, which would be used to threaten evil spirits."

Horace Godspeed is more than long hair and tie-dyes. Locke saw him
in the episode Cabin Fever. Horace told Locke he'd been dead for
12 years at that point but his nose was bleeding so was he dead
AND time traveling? When Locke saw him, Horace was building
Jacob's cabin.

Before that we saw Horace in the episode the Man Behind the Curtain.
When Ben's mother is dying by the road in childbirth (Outside Portland)
Horace and Olivia pull over. Horace then gives Ben's dad Roger (who
will no doubt pop up again soon in 1970s Dharma) a job. So young Ben
and his dad Roger come to the island. At this point it appears that Horace
and Olivia are a couple, a married couple. So what happens to Olivia?
Or what happens to Amy (which ties in with my theory that she
takes baby Desmond and gets the hell off the Island.)

And why wouldn't Juliet leave the island? She knows
that once you leave, you're not stuck in time - she won't be
stuck in time like she is on the island. It doesn't work that way -
if the Submarine follows the correct barrings. And she knows this.
She's still on the island because she either still works for Ben or
(and I lean more this way every week) works for Widmore.

A burning question in my mind now that Ben and the Oceanic 5 are back
is just what did Ben and Kate talk about that day at brunch. (One of
my favorite scenes in the whole series - when Ben made
Kate wear a dress and handcuffs while pouring her coffee from a
French Press.) We never saw their whole conversation. And it
wouldn't surprise me at all if Kate has worked for Ben since then.
It would be a nice fun twist to have Kate working for Ben and
Juliet for Widmore.

The Dharma people are too trusting of these new people - Sawyer & Co.
Keep in mind the Dharmas are doing testing with time travel and bunnys.
They probably know that Sawyer and crew are not who they say they are.
And come on - Horace had to catch it when Sawyer made the crack
about his friend with eyeliner. It was dark and Sawyer was looking
through a window at Richard far away. He would not have seen the
eyeliner.

Clearly Sawyer's destiny was to come to the island and use his con skills.
How funny that he gets to be a con man all over again. Remember in the
episode, the Long Con, how when he got the guns, he said "there's a new
sheriff in town." Well, now, look who's head of Dharma Security.

In light of a Ben-centric episode on the horizon, I am glad we had
a week off, believe it or not. Plus, I've had Juliet-as-a-mechanic
to watch over and over - how HOT was that? Happy Birthday, indeed.

Love Letter Lost

2009-02-27T08:55:00.001-08:00

My Dearest Ben,

As (My) Top Chef Carla would say, you need some love so here it is.
I have already spent the best part of my day defending you,
explaining that we all have someone or something (for you it
is the island) that we will stretch the definition and boundaries
of "good" and "evil" for. First off, I know you and you know the
island. You could not let Locke kill himself because then
he could not be resurrected on the island. (Another shout
out to Catholicism - so much imagery of it lately.)
The island doesn't let its castaways kill themselves. We know this.
When Jack tried to jump off the bridge in the season three finale,
he could not. A car crash prevented it. And poor Michael tried
to kill himself in a car crash and couldn't. As your Tom Friendly
said to Michael, the Island won't let you.

You could not let Locke kill himself because he had to be
resurrected, and he could not be if he took his own life. Makes
me wonder how Christian Shepard died. We never saw how
he died exactly, did we? (And how did Eloise Hawking get the
letter that John wrote to Jack? You didn't just hand it to her,
now, did you?)

I can't keep my mind off those beautiful condescending looks
you gave Locke every time he asked you who Jacob was
and what the smoke monster was. You always looked at him
like he should know, like HE of all people should know.
This leads me out on a limb - a huge limb that I'm going out on
here - and my dearest, please don't tell me if I'm right or
wrong just yet. In fact, lie to me for a little while longer
because I enjoy it so. But I believe that you gave Locke those
you-of-all-people-should-know looks because Locke
is in fact Jacob. I remember when John first goes
to the cabin to see Jacob and we see an eye looking out
the window, that eye belonged to Locke. I think Locke
is Jacob just like Locke is special. He just hasn't
realized it yet.

(Yes, you take Locke "to see" Jacob but couldn't that, my
so-misunderstood little man, just be to throw him and everyone
else off because you were struggling to surrender leadership to
him? or to test him?)

So our Oceanic Six, uh, five, have been zapped out of the
plane and back in time with Sawyer's crew. They are now
stuck in the 1970s Dharma Island period. We'll now get
to see what happened to Sawyer & co in the "time" that
the Oceanic Six were away. But I keep thinking about you
and the fact that you said the person who moves the island
cannot return. And how that's probably a lie
but last night you and Locke - both movers of
the island - didn't return to the island, you returned
to the one next to it, the one the Hydra station is on,
and the one that Sawyer, Kate & others broke rocks on
to build a runway in season two. So Lipidus used
that runway to land flight 316, right? That's why the
actual 316 plane looks so intact. It doesn't look damaged
at all.

And Locke returned to the island with a leg banged up
- much the same as the first time he arrived.
Interesting that when he exited the island
he ended up with an injured leg. Funny, when you
exited the island (ending up in the same desert),
you injured your arm. And now coming back,
your arm - same arm - is in a sling. That's just
the way it has to be, yes?

Very interesting too that in one of her delusions,
Charlotte said that she knew more about Carthage
than Hannibal himself. Carthage was an ancient city
in present day Tunisia - where you and Locke
both exited. And what is it about leaving the island
that made you both vomit?

Now, we have been told that Frank Lipidus left, after
316 landed on the other island, in a boat with a woman.
Since we haven't seen her yet, it's easy to assume
Sun but that's not right, is it? Sun would've
flashed out of the plane with Jack & co.
So who is in that damn boat with Lipidus? Is
it Eloise? I must confess, Benjamin, I'm starting
to find Eloise almost as intriguing as you. Almost.
Don't worry, you are still and will always be the love
of my LOST life. Who is Eloise to you? To Widmore?
How deep in this is she? Back in season three,
when Desmond is fired from being a Monk, there's a picture
of Eloise on the Head Monk's desk - the Head Monk has his
arm around Eloise in the photo!

Now I'm guessing - but please don't tell me just yet -
Ilana works for you and Caesar works for Widmore, right?
They obviously don't work together or if they do, they don't
trust each other - Caesar hid the gun from Ilana. Ilana
escorted Sayid on the plane - that's why I think she works
for you. Caesar paid his respects to Jack before getting on
board. He knew what was up - he works for Widmore, final answer.

You had to tie up a loose end before you went back to the island.
Everyone, the viewers, the Oceanic 6, even Locke assumed that
because everyone has to go back to the island that everyone
wasn't supposed to leave. But now I'm thinking that may not have
been the case. Everyone who left had loose ends to tie up on
the mainland and in the time they were off the island did so:

-Kate's murder case (for which she would've forever been a
fugitive from) was resolved. (as was her secret mission for Sawyer
and getting Aaron to safety - I believe by the way that Aaron is
not with Claire's mother. Perhaps with the mother of Sawyer's kid?)
-Sayid found and married his long lost love
-Sun got to confront her father and deliver her baby safely
-Locke came back to find Helen dead and visit Walt, see that he was ok
-Jack had to come to believe that miracles were possible,
to find his faith, belief in the island
-Hurley had to confront his insanity

Now does the second island move with the island in time?
And is that the new castaways shooting at the old castaways
out in the boats? Don't tell me just yet. Keep the sweet
nothings coming a little bit longer. The good guy always gets
the girl. You've got this girl so how bad can you be?
Until next week, my little prince...

xoxo,
Your Nayslayer

Like the Weather

2009-01-13T11:33:00.000-08:00

You are not responsible for the rain that falls,
but only for your reaction to it.
- Virginia Satir

Amen, Brother Flaubert!

2008-11-30T13:45:00.000-08:00

Be regular and orderly
in your life so that you may be
violent and original in your work.
- Gustav Flaubert

I'm happy, dammit.

2008-11-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Which LOST character am I?

2008-10-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

You are Jack Shepard, the strong willed leader. You are a caring person
who is a master at resolving tragedy. You hate any form of loss and take
on other's problems as your own.

Use It or Lose It

2008-10-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

A heart that hurts
is a heart that works.

- Juliana Hatfield

Just don't get it

2008-09-23T12:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Emmys,

You just don't get Lost, do you?
I wished you would - get LOST - that is.
You think 4 18 15 16 23 42 is Jacob's PIN number.
Time travel and moving islands are just too much for you.
While Losties rejoice: O M G W T F Polar Bears,
you just don't understand and you do not like it
when you don't understand.
You remind me of a small town, I knew, once.
You just don't get it.
You keep it copacetic.
And you learn to accept it.
You know it's so pathetic.

I don't get mad, I GET JACOB.
And could you BE anymore boring next year?

Love,
Jennie Lost & loving it

Every Fall I Love

2008-09-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

Every fall I love.
I love autumn sweaters.
I love the sound of leaves crinkling underneath shoes
(so much more than the sound of flip flops!)
I love the smell and taste of pumpkin everything -
lattes, pies, breads, pasta and beer.
I love the scents of the leaves falling, the chill in the air,
the fireplaces burning
(no more stench of summer!)
I love Emmy Friday.
I love the whole back to...
I love the serious movies on their way,
this means Patty, this means Meryl.
I love the return of...
I love the colors of fall - shades of orange and
red
I love red leather jackets and blue t-shirts over white long johns.
I love Peyton and pizza and amber ales.
I love News Boy caps and Uggs; the warmth of tea and socks again.
I love no more reruns, I love gearing up...
I love the little man lost, win or lose.
I love that writing this makes me feel thirteen.
Every fall I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that I can do anything.
Every fall I love.

New Eyes

2008-08-14T07:31:00.000-07:00

The only real voyage of discovery consists
not in seeking new landscapes but in
having new eyes.
-Marcel Proust

Face It

2008-08-05T06:48:00.001-07:00

Find the pain in your life and stop fleeing it
and face it, and see what it's trying to teach you.

- Peter North

Being Your Own Best Friend

2008-07-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

It is up to us to give ourselves recognition.
If we wait for it to come from others, we feel resentful
when it doesn't, and when it does, we may well reject it.

- Bernard Berkowitz

No Ending

2008-07-23T09:32:00.000-07:00

True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending.
- K Knight

What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do.
- Sanaya Roman

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the
questions themselves.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Go, Emmy, Go

2008-07-17T06:35:00.000-07:00

Was there any doubt about the little man?

Outstanding Supporting Actor
In A Drama Series...

Boston Legal • William Shatner as Denny Crane
Damages • Ted Danson as Arthur Frobisher
Damages • Zeljko Ivanek as Ray Fiske
Lost • Michael Emerson as Ben xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Mad Men • John Slattery as Roger Sterling

Fully Formed

2008-07-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

By most people's standards, my decision to pursue acting has not been
a good choice. I was at an advanced age before I could pay my rent
comfortably, and I've had a checkered career of odd jobs along the
way. But at some point, I realized that not everybody has to be on
the same timetable. I don't think I had that much to offer the world
of the theater when I was 21; my career required some patience for
several decades, but then it worked out. By now, I'm so set in my ways
that there's no chance of success spoiling me. I'm a fully formed personality.

-Michael Emerson, 2002

Love For Sale

2008-06-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Others Day!!

2008-05-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

Do I even need to say it?

2008-04-30T12:38:00.001-07:00

But I will anyway...

This fall, probably in September, this is what will happen:
The Emmy for best (supporting) actor in a drama goes to...
Michael Emerson

And this will be my reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
WEEEEEEEEEEE! Yes! Told you fucking so! Mother fucking
YES!!!!!!! Justice is served. Ha. HA. HA!

Just you wait, Henry Higgins, just you wait.

There are many things in this precious world to geek
out over. Michael Emerson is near the top of that list
for me.
Hey, you guys got any milk?

The Power of Myth, revisited

2008-04-25T06:43:00.000-07:00

"There's a certain aspect of the hero's journey, whether it's
Luke Skywalker or Hercules or Harry Potter, where they're either
orphans or have incredibly dysfunctional relationships with
their fathers. They haven't been told what to do. They have to
find a mentor character outside of their own family. The show's
called Lost and we always imagined it from the beginning as
a show about characters trying to be better people and evolve
past their own petty insecurties and problems."

-Damon Lindelof, discussing Lost

The Origin of Dreams

2008-04-08T07:14:00.000-07:00

Illyria: You betrayed Angel. You stole his son. He tried to kill you.

Wesley: Yes.

Illyria: Are these the memories you needed back? Does this now
make you Wesley?

Wesley: At least I know what happened.

Illyria: Do you? There are two sets of memories. Those that happened
and those that are fabricated. It's hard to tell which is which.

Wesley: Try to push reality out of your mind. Focus on the other
memories. They were created for a reason.

Illyria: - to hide from the truth.

Wesley: To endure it.

From Angel, episode entitled Origin

Handcuffs and a French Press, pt 2

2008-04-02T16:47:00.001-07:00

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take
to accomplish something stand in the way
of your doing it. The time will pass anyway;
we might just as well put that passing time to the
best possible use."
- Earl Nightingale

Do the thing you keep putting off...you know
that thing you want to do before you...
- Note to Self

Handcuffs and a French Press

2008-03-26T17:43:00.001-07:00

I went to a yoga class tonight for the first time in months.
The fire alarm in the building went off for twenty minutes
during the class, in the middle of class.
But when it finally stopped, I didn't notice.
There's hope.

Lost returns on April 24th.
After everything I did to get you here.
After everything I've done to keep you here.
And you have to ask WHY? Can't you see that
you're mine.
Take as much time as you need.

My Birthday Wish

2008-03-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

My birthday wish is that you see the you that I see...
the powerful, creative, fierce creature that I see so clearly.
It's true, on a clear day you can see forever...
My hope for today is that those voting keep
in mind what we're voting for.
Don't ever give up.
You know you're right.
Why does it seem the more right you are,
the more opposition you receive?
So I guess I'm out of the book club.
I don't like the books you choose.
Oh how we like pretty...but the best
for the job is rarely the prettiest.

_______________________

You Know You're Right:

I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let’s talk about someone else
Steaming soup against her mouth
Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love herself
I will move away from here
You wont be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew to come like this
Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to feel
pain
You know You're Right
You know You're Right
You know You're Right
- Kurt Cobain

One reason Jennie doesn't care about the Oscars this year

2008-02-19T06:55:00.000-08:00

If "feminazi" is not right-wing bravado, I don't
know what is. And because Williamson isn't a very
good reader, I'll answer the question he poses --
"Why would a feminist hate Juno, a pro-choice movie?"
-- one more time, in the simplest language I can
muster: "Juno" is not a pro-choice movie. It is
an anti-abortion movie masquerading as a pro-choice
movie. And one with a lousy soundtrack at that.

- Jim DeRogatis, from his Sun Times blog on why he hates
Juno

Pressure

2008-01-26T07:27:00.000-08:00

Pressure is a privilege.
- Billie Jean King

Let it snow, let in snow, let it snow....

2007-12-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Here's how Natalie and I celebrated the first big Boston snow this winter:

Mission Accomplished: National Novel Writing Month

2007-11-26T08:11:00.001-08:00

Here's what I've been up to - participating in
national novel writing month. The goal was to write
fifty thousand words in the month of November, completing
the rough draft of a novel in the process. I hit 50K this
past Friday as the turkey and pumpkin pie leftovers
waited in the fridge so the monthly goal was met...ahead of
schedule. Woo-hoo! December will bring the hair-pulling,
teeth-knawing BIG FUN revision process but for now I celebrate with
more pumpkin pie and apple cider. Cheers to all! Happy Holidays!

feeling L-O-S-T today

2007-09-17T12:15:00.000-07:00

Ben:...So I guess this means I'm out of the book club.

Sayid: Hope is a very dangerous thing to lose.

Ben: Do you believe in God, Jack?
Jack: Do you?
Ben: Two days after I found out I had a fatal tumor on my spine,
a spinal surgeon fell out of the sky... and if that's not proof
of God, I don't know what is.

Christian: Commitment is what makes you tick Jack. The problem is
you're just not good at letting go.

Juliet: I don't think you're stupid, Jack. I think you're stubborn.

Sayid: I will never leave you. I love you. And I believe you.

Kate: No girl's exactly like me.

Penelope: All we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us.

Sayid: You're not alone. Don't pretend to be.

Jack: We either live together.... or die alone.

Juliet: It doesn't matter who we were. It only matters who we are.

Williamstown

2007-08-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

Natalie and I went to the Williamstown Theater Festival
this past weekend. It’s such a wonderful, inspiring festival.
It really is a relaxing weekend getaway if you are in the
mood for some theater during the summer months. It’s in the
middle of the Berkshires surrounded by beautiful mountain views.
Williamstown is small and accessible. The nearly three hour
drive from Boston down Route 2 is breathtaking – one of those curvy,
windy, sexy drives around the mountains filled with scenic views,
sunlight hitting the mountains, old bridges over flowing rivers,
farmers markets,sweet corn, and maple syrup.

It was my fourth time going to the WTF, Natalie’s fifth.
In years prior we’ve seen Threepenny Opera with Jesse L. Martin &
Betty Buckley and Landscape of the Body with Lili Taylor. This
time we saw two productions: Lillian Hellman’s the Autumn Garden
and Crimes of the Heart directed by Kathleen Turner.

The Autumn Garden featured one of my very favorite actors,
Allison Janney but the rest of the ensemble was equally
strong. It was perhaps the best ensemble work I’ve ever
seen in live theater - and I’ve seen a lot of live
theater. I had looked forward to this production,
seeing Ms. Janney since it was first announced in
the spring. Like a little kid looking forward to
summer camp or the family beach trip, I crossed off
the days. It was one of those rare occasions where
great expectations are met and then some. I’ll draw
inspiration from it for years to come.

There’s not much to do in sleepy Williamstown. This was
fine with us – this trip sandwiched between exploring
Montreal in July and hitting NYC again in September.
It’s really the prefect weekend get away if you like
theater. If you LOVE Theater it can be an other worldly,
awe inspiring experience. If only the festival were
full time, 24 /7, year round…but would that make it
less enchanting? Less special?

On our last day there I had Blythe Danner and
Natalie had Gilda Radner… and they both were delicious.
I’m talking about sandwiches at
Pappa Charlie’s Deli on Spring Street near the theater.
The Blythe Danner is Tuna, Sprouts, Tomatoes, Swiss,
Avocado, Mayo on whole wheat. Gilda Radner is hot
roast beef, hot cheddar, onion, coleslaw and tomatoes.
The GR comes with a pickle, of course. The BD does not.
Pappa Charlie’s also offers the Politician
sandwich: “Ingredients change with your whim.
Tell us what you want, and we’ll prepare it for you.
Be advised that your whim is prepared on
a cost-plus basis- but we’ll tell you the
projected cost in advance.”
It’s a fun place to have lunch before a matinee.

Natalie and I have decide that Williamstown Theater
Festival is a must for us every summer.
Check it out: http://www.wtfestival.org/

HELL YES!

2007-06-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

I'm having a pretty good summer so far.
How 'bout you? Hell I'm just happy to
not be moving across the damn country again.
Three years in a row - wow.
My head has finally stopped spinning.

The Arrivals have a new CD out. You can check out some
tunes from it on My Space. I'm too manic to add a link.
I know it's easy. But I don't like easy.
'Tis any season to be jolly with the release of
more from The Arrivals.

Grey Gardens won their Tonys. Now if the Emmys
can wise up and nominate Elizabeth Mitchell I
might feel a bit better about the world.

I'm going to New York, YALE and Montreal all in
the next month. I'm seeing Joan Osborne -
remember her - Bob Mould for the 50th time,
give me 50 more, Built to Spill and yeah,
Mandy Moore. Yes, Mandy Moore!
It's summer! No I'm not drunk. High on life...

With all this madness I'll post more soon.
Tonight I'm wired and I'm tired and grinning like a fool.
I'm gonna go dance around to Sarah SIlverman on CNN with Michael
Eisner in my underwear. It just has to happen!

Rent Breach for a good movie fix. It's really, really good.
Speaking of:

"I don't care how beatiful you are, how talented, how educated...
L.A. will make you feel like shit about yourself." - Laura Linney

Yet I miss you L.A but only sometimes. I miss you Chicago.
I miss YOU. ; )

xoxo...
- Special J

Grumpy Old Men

2007-04-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

I am not a cell phone abuser. I repeat: I am not a cell phone abuser.
This is why I got so mad when a grumpy, old New England male,
looking early 70s, came up to me today as I walked to work and said with
an evil David Lynchian smile, ‘how is your cell phone today?’

I’d actually just tucked my cell phone away in my jacket, having
left a friend a quick message. I could’ve said something sassy
or simple like: ‘it’s doing quite well, thank you and so
am I. How are you?’ I could’ve just smiled back and done the good karma thing, telling him to have a nice day. But no, old school Jennie reared her head.
(I could use the excuse here that I was still in writing mode, having spent the morning writing about my college years. But noooo, this was just simple, old school Jennie-gonna-make-you-feel-worse than you just made me feel.)

I looked right at him and said: “I was actually just on the phone with my brother who’s having open heart surgery later today, ASSHOLE.”
Then I walked off. I punched the line just right. My delivery was perfect. Old school Jennie didn’t even hesitate, didn’t even need two seconds to make up the lie that was gonna pierce this man’s cold, old heart and knock him down from his bloody mother fucking high horse.

Now I don’t have a brother. I’ve never had a brother. I’ve always wanted a brother. If I did have a brother and he was having open heart surgery, I surely hope that I would be more evolved when that day came. I hope I’d be with him and not yelling at some old man in the Back Bay corridor.

As I continued my walk, I felt the guilt of my comment settle in my stomach like a fast food sandwich. I know better. I do. I had to make him feel bad. What is it with these grumpy old New England men in Spring? It was exactly two years ago when another grumpy old man came up to me here in Boston and yelled at me for putting a banana peel in a public trash can. “Miss, Miss, those are for public use!”

I took that as one of many signs to move to Los Angeles. Now I’m back. I guess I should take solace that these grumpy old men care about their environment and city. Maybe I should keep some porn in my backpack so I can give it to the next one that verbally attacks me. I can whip out a Girls Gone Wild DVD and say, here, you need this way more than I do. Is that slightly less mean?

What made me mad is the fact that he has no idea WHO I am. I actually have a very healthy relationship with my cell phone. It’s almost always off when I’m with a friend. If I’m writing in a café or public space, I walk outside or to a corner - away from people when/if I need to use it. I keep my public cell phone conversations to a minimum, making them as brief as possible. I am not a cell phone abuser!

As I reached Back Bay station, a young, stylish, Rachel Green type gave me a rose. She was handing them out for free courtesy of OKcupid.com. It wasn’t just to me. But it was a beautiful, free red rose and it quickly washed away the rude encounter I’d just had.

I have to work out a good, appropriate, high road response for my next encounter with the grumpy, elderly, New England male. Otherwise, continuing to give in to the old school angst, I might become one.

Oscar - not so grouchy

2007-02-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

It’s that time of year again. Although I’m not feeling the
Oscar spirit yet – is it becauseother big events have
outshined it this year for me? Peyton Manning winning
the Super Bowl.The Dixie Chicks winning all the Grammys.
Or is it because last year the Oscars were happening
just down the street from me? Is it because this year
I’m not going to disagree horribly with the Best Actress
winner? I’m not outraged at any acting injustice going
on. Yes, Children of Men should have gotten a best picture
nomination but I knew it wouldn’t. Could it be that this year,
I don’t have anything major to bitch about and that’swhy
they are less exciting to me? Oh well, I am sure I’ll be
feeling the magic come Sunday night.

And my picks are:

Best Supporting Actress:
Will win: Jennifer Hudson – DreamGirls

Best Supporting Actor:
Will win: Mark Wahlberg – The Departed

Best Actress
Will win: Helen Mirren – The Queen
(woo-hoo, this year they’ll get it right!)

Best Actor
Will win: Forest Whitaker – Last King of Scotland

Best Picture
Will win: Babel

Screenplay – Original
Will win: Little Miss Sunshine

Screenplay – Adapted
Will win: The Departed

Documentary
Will win: An Inconvenient Truth

Directing
Will win: The Departed

Foreign Language Film
Will win: Pan’s Labyrinth

Head Exploding

2007-02-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to overdose on too much inspiration?
My head is currently on the verge of exploding due to the following:

a) Peyton Manning winning the Super Bowl, of course.
b) Christine Ebersole's performance in Grey Gardens which I saw
this weekend in NYC - a must see. Amazing. One that will be
talked about for years to come. The kind you regret missing -
I'm warning you. And she will win the Tony.
c) The Dixie Chicks winning Album of the Year.
d) The Dixie Chicks winning COUNTRY Album of the Year. (Take that Toby Keith!)
e) The Dixie Chicks winning Song of the Year.
f) The Dixie Chicks winning COUNTRY Song of the Year. (Take that Reba!)
g) The Dixie Chicks winning Record of the Year.
h) Natalie Maines' newly dyed brown hair. Just when I thought she couldn't
get any cuter...
i) I haven't had a 24 marathon in 9 days. I'm going through withdrawl.
So, this is what it feels like to be on smack.
j) Did I mention Christin Ebersole's performance in Grey Gardens?
k) And just the show Grey Gradens period.
l) Barack Obama's speech over the weekend from the old Courthouse in Springfield, IL
- left me in a flood of tears.
m) Seeing my friends Eva, Bitch, & Rose this weekend in NYC, all three inspire me, and they always have.
n) Seeing a guy who looked like a cross between Ron Jeremy and Tiny Tim running through Time Square at 11pm on Saturday night, wearing nothing but a woman's one piece bathing suit in the freezing cold. He had several people running after him with cameras!
o) And finally, it wouldn't have been a NYC weekend without a disturbing dinner. On one side of Natalie and I was a family of four – a mom, a dad, and two young boys. They were playing a game. Each taking turns naming a type of gun or weapon. The youngest boy kept swearing, every time Dad would name one, getting mad that he hadn’t thought of it. On the other side of us was a long table with two couples, and two little blonde girls, both dressed alike, under the age of four. At one point, one little blonde girl came around the table to the other one – I assumed to give her a huge. But then both little girls opened their mouths and kissed each other - opened mouth kissing. Then they did it again. And again while the adult couples laughed. And honestly, it was such a disturbing image – with the weapon’s game on the other side – that I may never get it out of my head.

all work and no play makes jennie...

2006-10-31T07:01:00.000-08:00

all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all WORK and no PLAY makes jennie a dull GRRL all work and no play makes jennie a dull GIRL all work and no play makes jennie a dull gIRL all work and no play makes JENNIE a dull GiRl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl ALL work and NO play makes Jennie a dull GIRL all work and no play makes jennie a dull girL All work AND no play makes jennie a dull girrrl all work and no play makes jennie a DULL girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play MAKES jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes JeNnie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull GIRL all work and no play makes jeNNie a dull GIRL all work and no play makes jennie a dull GIRL all work and no play makes jEnNiE a dull girl all work and no play mAke$ jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes &enn$E a dull girl all w$rk and no pl*y makes jennie a dull grrl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl &ll work & no play makes ejnnie a dull girl all work AND no pay makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie * dull girl all work and no play makes jennIe a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull GIrl ALl work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jenN** a dull Girl all work and no play mAkEs jennie a dull girll AlL work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dough boy all work and no play makes jeNNie a dull gIrL all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jENNIE a dull gIRL all work and no play makes jeNiNe a dull girl all work and no play makes jENNNIE A DULL GIRL all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a dull girl all work and no play makes jennie a

Sssssssss

2006-10-10T18:24:00.000-07:00

Little Miss Sunshine

2006-08-08T09:27:00.000-07:00

Go directly to see Little Miss Sunshine.
Right now. I mean it. And then call me or
e-mail me and our toes can curl up together.

I'm finally letting the angst that comes from moving
and great disappointment go. Natalie and I have found
a very beautiful place to live on a tree lined street -
right in Boston's south end. We can walk to work,
our gym, everything. It's the classic hardwood floors
that we missed. And our office, the "writing room"
is all exposed brick - heaven. We even have a parking
space - unheard of for that area. So a happy end
to this chapter.

Funny, the last movie we saw as LA residents
was the Devil Wears Prada. And the first one
here was...

What am I doing - go go go - see Little Miss
Sunshine. Now now now.

- Superfreak

Taking the Long Way

2006-08-01T07:28:00.000-07:00

I like to have fun with my blog. Not treat it like a journal
entry... I had an apple for lunch today, etc.
I also like taking the long way which is one reason
Natalie and I drove from coast to coast again across this
beautiful country.

Anyway, sorry if my entry below caused any confusion.
I thought I was being clear that I was leaving Less Angeles.
I wanted, perhaps needed, to write a break up letter to a
city that I thought was the end of the line for me, the final
resting place. Didn't mean to bury the lead. This felt like
the third BIG break up of my life and I needed some time
with it.

Here's the skinny: Natalie and I have moved to the east coast,
to Boston. Not back to, but forward.
We missed it VERY much. I missed it the day after
we left. And that feeling only increased. We find Boston
inspiring and encouraging. The people here - are snobby yes -
but they are also smart, supportive and nice. We will
be here until we are no longer happy or want to go
off on another adventure.

This past year has been my hardest. Not my worst
but very, very difficult. I'll save the rest for the
movie, the book, the soundtrack and late night
conversations. This move was sudden but not
impulsive and not uncertain. It's a step in
OUR direction. It's taking the long way, our way.

By the way, if you haven't bought the latest Dixie
Chicks record, well it's a place of solace.
And their current tour is very life affirming.

We've made this cross country move with light speed.
I haven't had time to catch my breath
much less catch anyone else up "and I don't have
time to go round and round" - thank you, Natalie Maines.
But I will be back in touch soon, back in the land
of the living. Feels sooo much better already -
cleaner air, clearer thoughts.

I'll email a "permanent" address as soon as I have one.
My dreams, passions, pursuits, loves have not changed -
only the address. There are no regrets,
- but growth and evolution. For now, Natalie and I
are enjoying life and the view from the 21st floor of a
luxury penthouse overlooking the Charles river and
Boston's beautiful south end. (I'll post pictures soon)
Who knows - we might stay here.
We're gonna find out and let you know.

Never follow.

"When the calls and conversations
accidents and accusations
messages and misperceptions
paralyze my mind
restless cars and airplanes leaving
burning fumes of gasoline
and everyone is running
and I come to find a refuge -
in the easy silence that you make for me
it's okay when there's nothing more to say
to me
in the peaceful quiet you create for me
and the way you keep the world at bay
for me
the way you keep the world at bay..."
- DCX

Dear Less Angeles

2006-07-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Less Angeles,

Tell Billy Wilder, he has stolen my tombstone
but I don't want it back.

There's no place like home...
L. Frank Baum and Jimmy Stewart are
two of the few famous tombstones one can visit
at Forest Lawn in Glendale. Many others are behind
locked doors. Did you know you can't get in unless
you're Lauren Bacall or, uh, dead and rich enough
to be buried there?!

This last shot (all photos by Natalie) is of a dead
cockroach which I'm sure is still on the 1st floor
hallway wall of 1809 N. Berendo Street in Los Feliz
along with many others. It's been there since late May
when one of our former lovely neighbors squashed it.
The Monday cleaning crew managed to miss it
every time. Amazing, Less. People within your city
limits are not only lazy, soul sucking me, me, me
jerks who can't or don't or won't read... but they
are blind too. Maybe that's why they can't read or drive
or look you in the eye and say hello. My 8th grade
menopausal stick up the ass English teacher
was more friendly. Seriously, Less - how do you
put up with them? I can't.

Oh but we have some memories, don't we, Less?
I can't wait to share the video footage
of a middle aged male getting out of his white mini
van in Burbank and assaulting a 17 year-old skate
boarder.

And refer the name and number of the
dentist in Alhambra who will try to convince
anyone that they have six small cavities, when
they really don't - he just wants their
money.

Oh and let's tell the tourists who want
to be in a car accident, to go directly to
any RED light within your city limits and stop at it.
Wait. Some nimrod talking on his/her cell phone
will not see the red light or their car stopped at it.
Nimrod will ram them up the ass so fast
the poor tourists will think they are at a gay
bath house. I'll bet you every cent I have that
the asshole will then lie to the cops (if the cops
show up) and say that the light was
GREEN.

When I was six years old, my mother had my aunt
Betty over for dinner. As she was leaving, I said "good
riddance." I thought at the time that it was another
friendly way to say goodbye. My mother quickly
corrected me. I know what it means now....
Good riddance Less Angeles.

It's been 10 months, 16 days and 11 hours since Natalie
and I moved into 1809 N. Berendo Street - pigeon shit
covered, cock roach infested hell hole. Where the only
person who seemed to care less than our Oscar the Grouch
neighbors was the building manager. Actually, the only
people in Less Angeles proper who seemed to care was
our friend six blocks away who is Indiana born and bred
and our West Adams buddy who by the way is from - and
will soon be moving back to - Detroit. She'd rather be in
Detroit (or anywhere else really) than in Hell-A.
Why? Because she doesn't like to give or receive fake
smiles. And she likes her Midwestern, home grown tits,
fuck you very much.

Many have tried to warn me about you, Less.
F. Scott, Nathaniel West, Salinger, Neil Young, Ripley
Caine, Robert Rodriguez and oh, so many others.
But I had to see for myself. No regrets - at all - it's better
than never experiencing you at all. I've grown. I'm sure
I'll look back and cherish the lessons learned, the time
spent. After all, I believe one learns most
by doing, by trying.

No, I don't hate you, Less. I just hate 99.9% of the people
that live within you. I hate the way they don't give two
shits about you or anyone else who lives within you.
They toss bags of trash on your freeways, sidewalks.
They piss on your palm trees. They pollute your air -
not just with their cars - but with the shit that spews out
of their mouths.

The Devils within you wear Prada AND Pajamas and they
only care about how much shit one is willing to do
for free. How far someone is willing to bend over, how long one
is willing to take it up the arse. How much ass will one kiss?
Oh and drop them off at the nearest entrance.
They like to walk as little as possible. But don't worry, they
will grow fat and die. Then the next in line can take their place
and do unto others...

Don't worry Less, you're still my favorite
place to visit - when I can come and enjoy your
hiking trails and beaches and not have to talk to anyone, really.
I've been lucky. I don't regret the 10 months, 16 days and
11 hours I've lived here. I fucking did it. Since I was
six years old, I've wanted to know what it was like to
really know you. And now I do... I know why people come
to you and I know why they leave you. I know why the artists that
I truly love and respect the most - Mary Louise
Parker, Meryl Streep and Patricia Clarkson, etc., choose to live
in NYC or anywhere else, really.

I've lived in four regions of the country now, with a
little time in Europe too. And I have to say
that your SO CAL region is my least favorite to
live in. Meaning I'd rather live in NORTH CAROLINA,
in the mother fucking SOUTH EAST again.
That's saying ALOT. But it's not really about L-I-V-I-N in
SO CAL, is it? It's about waiting - in traffic, by the phone,
for the earth to rumble, for that windfall, for the person
in front of you in the grocery store line to shut up
about his script or her audition and move the fuck on...
QUIET ON THE SET!

Please don't be upset, Less. Is that you I see -
crying through the smog? You know you're the
lover I can't live with but adore - in small doses. Our
relationship isn't over, it's evolving. I need a break...
Yes, yes, we can still be friends. I will call, we'll do dinner.
It will be lovely. But I want to build a life within a supportive
community. I am a writer in search of truth and that's
something you don't have here - truth and Crab Rangoon.

No, this has nothing to do with the cancelation of the
West Wing. A lady knows when to leave...

It's story time, Less. I know how you like a good
story. I had my first Scarlett O'Hara moment when
I was thirteen. I was in Food Lion in Salisbury,
North Carolina. My parents were arguing (again) and
everyone was moving at a snails pace. It was a Sunday
and the grocery store was packed even though the whole
town had recently made a huge stink over Food Lion
opening it's doors on the Sabbath. I saw people there
I hadn't seen at church that morning! They
were buying snacks for the big game that afternoon.
I vowed to myself - God was my witness - that once
I got out of Salisbury, North Carolina, the SOUTH -
I would never, EVER live somewhere, anywhere
where the people made me feel so uncomfortable,
and lived SO ASS BACKWARDS. For the last 10 months,
16 days and 11 hours, I have.

Sorry Less, I need more.

Almost Natalie Wood

2006-07-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

My mother almost named me Natalie. No middle name.
Just Natalie Wood. I liked the idea in second grade. I remember
wishing she would've done it. Instead she named me
after a Streisand song even though she wasn't a huge Streisand
fan. By my early teens, I WAS a huge Streisand fan, blasting Papa
Can You Hear Me and wishing she was my mother. But my mom
and I have always agreed on Natalie Wood. That and ... well I'm sure
there must be something else. But right now I can't think of anything.
Natalie Wood is buired a few feet away from Marilyn Monroe
in Westwood.

LA Death Tour

2006-06-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Natalie and I had fun this weekend. We decided to take
our own Death Tour of LA. We went to some of the most
notorious murder sites in the city. (We live a little
too close to one of them.) The photos above were
all taken by Natalie. I'll post more soon.

The first photo is the Halloween house. John Carpenter
used a street in West Hollywood - Orange Grove between
Sunset and Selma - to film his horror classic. On this
street you really do feel like you are in the Midwest
- not LA. The street has huge (not palm) trees and
is very quiet. This is the house that Jamie Lee Curtis'
character, Laurie lived in. The house her best friend was
murdered in is only across the street, two doors down.

We also saw the garage where Sal Mineo was stabbed in
West Hollywood, the house in Beverly Hills
where the Menendez brothers shot their parents.
We saw the Tate house - well the gate, which is a
totally different gate now but the street is
scary enough for me. We also saw the hotel on
Franklin Ave where Janis Joplin died.

But the most unsettling was the Nicole Simpson
Brentwood condo because only the address has been
changed. The tile from all the news photos
is exactly the same. We didn't take pictures
of these REAL murder scenes. We're not that morbid.

We also visited Westwood Village Memorial Park
which is hard to find even though it's smack in
the middle of Westwood. It's small and not right
off the street. Here lies Marilyn Monroe,
Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Fanny Brice,
Peggy Lee, Frank Zappa (unmarked),
Rodney Dangerfield, Billy Wilder,
and, a personal favorite - the actress
I was almost named after and one subject my
mother and I do agree on. Ah, I'll save her for
next post. She's not going anywhere.

In the photo of Marilyn's crypt you can see
lipstick marks. There were also several flowers -
mostly red roses, a handwritten note, and a candle
burning at the base. It's actually very moving.
The spot next to hers is open and I commented
to Natalie that it's probably reserved.
Found out later that I was right - it's
being reserved by Hugh Hefner. (Marilyn was
his very first playboy centerfold, how fitting.)

My favorite gravesite of the day was Jack
Lemmon's. Simply put 'Jack Lemmon in...'
and there's the ground. Beautiful.

Hotel Congress, Tucson, AZ

2006-06-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Here's some photos, taken by Natalie, of the Hotel
Congress. This place has been around since the
early 1900s and it hasn't change much. They still
keep the place cool by a giant ice brick or something.
This is where Dillinger was caught in the 1930s, a year
or so before he was shot in Chicago.

And this is where Natalie and I stayed when we went
to the Rothschiller-Ragsdale wedding recently.
We recommend it if sleep isn't a priority.
And it's not for small children. There's a bar,
night club, diner and outdoor patio that are all open
LATE. It appeared to be the most happening spot in Tucson.
And it's close to everything, right downtown. The lobby
is beautiful - and that's coming from hotel snob Jennie.

What else?

2006-06-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

Sarah Silverman is actually very shy in person.
Except on the subject of Hitler.

To address Chewie's comment below, yes I do
believe her Ta-Tas are real. I'd bet money on it.
And I should know - I've seen a lot of fake ones
lately, out here in LA gym locker rooms where
women parade them around like trophies.

Didn't mean to offend anyone in my last post.
You're not a loser if you haven't seen Jesus is
Magic yet. I know - we're all busy. Plus, she's not
for everyone. Some people just don't like Sarah
Silverman. Which is okay. I mean, some people don't like
the Beatles or pussy or Shakespeare either.

What else?

Cynthia Nixon will win a Tony on Sunday. That's from
Natalie's mouth but I totally agree. I can FEEL it.

The best thing on TV this weekend should be - by far -
the Federer/Nadal French Open final - barring any
strange occurrence in the universe. And hopefully
this time Roger will win, getting his first French
Open title - something that Pete Sampras could
never do, therefore could never be called the greatest
of all time, like Roger will be called when it's
all said and done.

The Break Up is pretty bad. Although
I did enjoy seeing Aniston walking around the Riv
looking lovely and lonely. (sigh) How many nights
I spent walking around the Riv. And here's a piece
of Jennie trivia - I had the same job that
Vince Vaughan has in the movie. For two summers
during college I gave double decker bus tours
in Chicago. Pretty funny... too bad the movie
wasn't.

For some reason Blogger isn't letting me upload
pics of our recent Arizona adventure. So you'll
have to wait.

I'm off to spend the night with Natalie
and Meryl Streep. What else?

Sarah Silverman comes out today

2006-06-06T15:30:00.000-07:00

Or at least the DVD version of her movie,
Jesus is Magic does - along with the
soundtrack. So all the losers
who didn't see the movie in theaters can
finally witness her greatness.

I will be picking up a copy
of both today. No, no, the world is not
ending today peeps, - no -
it is being blessed by the release of
Sarah Silverman instead.

I will actually be meeting Ms.
Silverman in the flesh at 7pm tonight.
I've already seen her live on more than
one occasion so I can tell you that
her breasts seem bigger in person.
What else do you need to know?

Taking the Long Way...

2006-06-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

Natalie and I just got back from a trip to Phoenix & Tucson - or
as I call it (Steve) Nash-ville. I will put up photos and write
more about that trip soon. It was wonderful to see friends and meet
my friend Meg's twin baby boys. Also, great to be in the land
of the Phoenix Suns while they are still in the playoffs. : )
If you want to see something truly other worldly and amazing,
watch a Suns game for five minutes. Watch Steve Nash pass the
ball behind him like he has eyes in the back of his head.

Aside from the inspired play of the Phoenix Suns, the other
thing I can't stop raving about is the new Dixie Chicks record.
I've always loved those girls but this album is rocking my
world and shaking my core. Haven't been moved by a record like
this, in a BIG way, in far too long. It's inspiring me to
pick up my guitar and pen with renewed vigor - which is the
highest compliment I can give to anyone or anything.

Looking forward to catching up with movies this weekend since
we've been out of town. Of course, The Break-Up and X-men
are musts. But also up there is the subject of this
review by Roger Ebert. I've saved you the trouble of
clicking on a link if you want to read the rave and
rare review below.

An Inconvenient Truth
Disaster movie
Ebert Rating: ****
BY ROGER EBERT / June 2, 2006

I want to write this review so every reader will begin it and finish it. I am a liberal, but I do not intend this as a review reflecting any kind of politics. It reflects the truth as I understand it, and it represents, I believe, agreement among the world's experts.

Global warming is real.

It is caused by human activity.

Mankind and its governments must begin immediate action to halt and reverse it.

If we do nothing, in about 10 years the planet may reach a "tipping point" and begin a slide toward destruction of our civilization and most of the other species on this planet.

After that point is reached, it would be too late for any action.

These facts are stated by Al Gore in the documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." Forget he ever ran for office. Consider him a concerned man speaking out on the approaching crisis. "There is no controversy about these facts," he says in the film. "Out of 925 recent articles in peer-review scientific journals about global warming, there was no disagreement. Zero."

He stands on a stage before a vast screen, in front of an audience. The documentary is based on a speech he has been developing for six years, and is supported by dramatic visuals. He shows the famous photograph "Earthrise," taken from space by the first American astronauts. Then he shows a series of later space photographs, clearly indicating that glaciers and lakes are shrinking, snows are melting, shorelines are retreating.

He provides statistics: The 10 warmest years in history were in the last 14 years. Last year South America experienced its first hurricane. Japan and the Pacific are setting records for typhoons. Hurricane Katrina passed over Florida, doubled back over the Gulf, picked up strength from unusually warm Gulf waters, and went from Category 3 to Category 5. There are changes in the Gulf Stream and the jet stream. Cores of polar ice show that carbon dioxide is much, much higher than ever before in a quarter of a million years. It was once thought that such things went in cycles. Gore stands in front of a graph showing the ups and downs of carbon dioxide over the centuries. Yes, there is a cyclical pattern. Then, in recent years, the graph turns up and keeps going up, higher and higher, off the chart.

The primary man-made cause of global warming is the burning of fossil fuels. We are taking energy stored over hundreds of millions of years in the form of coal, gas and oil, and releasing it suddenly. This causes global warming, and there is a pass-along effect. Since glaciers and snow reflect sunlight but sea water absorbs it, the more the ice melts, the more of the sun's energy is retained by the sea.

Gore says that although there is "100 percent agreement" among scientists, a database search of newspaper and magazine articles shows that 57 percent question the fact of global warming, while 43 percent support it. These figures are the result, he says, of a disinformation campaign started in the 1990s by the energy industries to "reposition global warming as a debate." It is the same strategy used for years by the defenders of tobacco. My father was a Luckys smoker who died of lung cancer in 1960, and 20 years later it was still "debatable" that there was a link between smoking and lung cancer. Now we are talking about the death of the future, starting in the lives of those now living.

"The world won't 'end' overnight in 10 years," Gore says. "But a point will have been passed, and there will be an irreversible slide into destruction."

In England, Sir James Lovelock, the scientist who proposed the Gaia hypothesis (that the planet functions like a living organism), has published a new book saying that in 100 years mankind will be reduced to "a few breeding couples at the Poles." Gore thinks "that's too pessimistic. We can turn this around just as we reversed the hole in the ozone layer. But it takes action right now, and politicians in every nation must have the courage to do what is necessary. It is not a political issue. It is a moral issue."

When I said I was going to a press screening of "An Inconvenient Truth," a friend said, "Al Gore talking about the environment! Bor...ing!" This is not a boring film. The director, Davis Guggenheim, uses words, images and Gore's concise litany of facts to build a film that is fascinating and relentless. In 39 years, I have never written these words in a movie review, but here they are: You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to.

Am I acting as an advocate in this review? Yes, I am. I believe that to be "impartial" and "balanced" on global warming means one must take a position like Gore's. There is no other view that can be defended. Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.), chairman of the Senate Environment Committee, has said, "Global warming is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people." I hope he takes his job seriously enough to see this film. I think he has a responsibility to do that.

What can we do? Switch to and encourage the development of alternative energy sources: Solar, wind, tidal, and, yes, nuclear. Move quickly toward hybrid and electric cars. Pour money into public transit, and subsidize the fares. Save energy in our houses. I did a funny thing when I came home after seeing "An Inconvenient Truth." I went around the house turning off the lights.

I Wanna Be Your Tom Brady

2006-05-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

That's the title of the script that I recently finished
with lots of help from Natalie. We just heard
that the script has been selected as a semi-finalist in the
very first contest we entered it in! Yea! We won't hear
for a while if it's a finalist but it's always nice to get
some recognition - especially so soon.

Now I'm not practicing for any award speeches yet, but
I would like to thank those of you that have read the script.
It can be a headache - reading a screenplay so THANK YOU.
If anyone else wants to read it, just drop me an e-mail.
It's not just about football. : )

What else? Trying not to think about the West Wing ending
this weekend. Steve Nash, Charles Barkley and the NBA playoffs
have been a nice distraction.

I've been weighing the Great Blog Debate in my head. Is a blog
a good outlet for a writer or just another distraction from
"real" work? I've had this conversation with alot of people
lately. And I've read other's thoughts on it. I think it depends
on the person. For Bob Mould, it's a way to jump start his day,
he has said before. It's another outlet besides his songwriting.
Lately, I've been finding I've had to make a choice between
blogging and working on the new script. Now I have been blogging
with my friend Chewie about sports. But that feels
different. It's about something other than me and it's with
someone else. What are your thoughts? Do you find blogs to be a creative
outlet or just another thing to keep up with?

- j

2006-04-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Survivor - New England

A woman standing outside, smoking, in the parking lot of the
recording studio where I work (no, she's not a musician -
she works in an office upstairs) said it's cold outside.
It's 62 degrees. (Roll your eyes here.) So I have an
idea for the next Survivor - take a bunch of So Cal
residents and put them in Maine for the winter. See how
long they last... I might even watch that one.

More later, taters.

- j

2006-04-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

Chewie and Me

My New England friend, Chewie and I have started a sports blog,
guaranteed to entertain and inform from coast to coast as only
we can. Check it out and book mark it:

chewieball.blogspot.com

- J-Whoa

2006-04-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

Me in Big Bear... lions, tigers & bears, oh my

No, I haven't fallen off the West Wing earth. I'm writing -
just not on the blog this week. Natalie and I are
busy revising a script. We'll be done soon. Until then
go see Friends with Talent - I mean - Friends with Money
and/or Thank You for Smoking. Friends with Money was better
than I thought it would be while Thank You for Smoking wasn't
as good as I expected. If you're into self torture, while
watching Thank You for Smoking imagine Maggie Gyllenhall
in the Katie Holmes role...

Maybe by the time I post again Brett Favre will have
made up his mind. But I doubt it.

2006-04-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

Sweet Surrender

I will not babble about Josh & Donna on my blog today
I will not babble about - it's just a TV show - on my blog today
I will not - they are FICTIONAL, after all - on my blog today
I will not babble about my favorite show in TV land today
It's 'Not Babble About My Favorite Fictional Hook Up Day'
I will not make a fool of myself - save it for another day
I will not - there are other sites for this - not here, no way
I will not babble even though I'm not the only one jumping for joy today
I will not post on my blog until I have something else to say
I will not - there are much more important matters at bay
I will not babble about Josh & Donna on my blog today
I will not babble about Josh & Donna on my blog
I will not babble about... Josh & Donna, OH MY -
I will not babble about Josh & Donna
I will not babble about Josh & ?
I will not babble about Josh-
I will not babble about
I will not babble
I will not
I will

2006-03-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A... TAR HEEL

"An unexamined life is not worth living!"
- Diane Chambers, barmaid, & Socrates

From American Heritage:
Tar Heel n. A native or resident of North Carolina.
(Perh. from tar once being a major product.)

This year my birthday fell on Oscar Weekend.
Actually, it was the Saturday before the Oscars -
otherwise known as the day of the Independent Spirit Awards -
otherwise known as the anti-Oscars. The Independent Spirit
Awards are always held in a big white tent on the beach, on
my very favorite beach, Santa Monica. This year they
were being hosted by my very favorite comedian, Sarah Silverman.
So I'll give you one guess where I wanted to be on my birthday.

I had planned to go to Santa Monica anyway on my birthday.
There are other places I love in LA - the Getty, the
Farmer's Market, certain hiking trails, Griffith Park, the zoo-
but Santa Monica is... well, oddly, it's where I feel the most
at home. I can't explain it. I see why others hate it - the
homeless and the tourists are depressing. (But if I were
homeless or a tourist, it's where I'd want to be.)

The streets are congested with cars; the pier and beaches are congested
with clueless people. Natalie and I once saw a guy fishing off the pier -
catching a duck on his hook instead of a fish.

Maybe it's because it's the very first place I went to on my very first
day on my very first trip to LA. I remember standing on the edge of
that pier with Lori and Vicky thinking I'd made it - to the end of the
world. I love the view to the north of the pier - the mountains running
right into the ocean. Growing up smack in the middle of North Carolina,
we always had to choose between the beach and the mountains for yearly
family trips.

Later in high school, Jolene Philpott and I would have to choose one or
the other on days when we skipped school - do we want to see mountains
or ocean today? But on the Santa Monica Pier, I can see it all, including
a city and amusement rides behind me.

Love playing air hockey in the Pier's Arcade even though Natalie always
beats me. Every time I walk down the 3rd street Promenade I swear
I hear Michael Penn singing. This is where, before moving here, I'd
buy Christmas presents in the sunshine while visiting in December -
a silver flask one year for Aim. Once I hoped to run into Calista
Flockhart (yes, Calista Flockhart) here. Had a wobbler when Michael and
I got caught in a rainstorm here last winter. Spent days on the
promenade with some of the people who mean the most to me and
some days completely alone. Amazing days and lonely ones when
I felt there was no where else for me to go with my emotions.

Of course, on my first LA birthday, I wanted to be in Santa Monica.
Never mind the party down on the beach hosted by my laugh goddess -
a party I wasn't invited to - on my birthday. Now I have no doubt in my
mind that one day I'll be at the independent spirit awards. But will she
be hosting? And, yes, I know it's a small tent - even the nominees have
trouble getting their parents tickets. Still, I wanted to be there.

Natalie and I played air hockey - and she even let me win - once.
We bought the most amazing strawberries I've ever tasted at the farmer's
market. It was a beautiful birthday. Then we decided to walk along the
beach from Santa Monica to Venice. There was the big white tent that
I didn't have an all access pass to this year. There was Ludicrous riding
around in a NetFlix bicycle cart. George Clooney waving to the crowd.
Naomi Watts, Matt Dillon, Heath Ledger, Ang Lee all going inside. The
press screaming their names - much louder than one could ever imagine.
Then there was Sarah's intro blaring from inside the tent.

That's when I walked toward the ocean, kicking off my shoes. I wanted
the sound of the waves to drown out the party I wasn't invited to.
This will sound terribly snobby and so Blair Warner but
the feeling is foreign to me - wanting to be at a party that I'm
not invited to. In high-school and college, I always had too
many to choose from. After just two months of college, I was admitted
to Grant Hospital for exhaustion. And it wasn't from studying.
I had passed out in my morning shower after another night of
partying or was it after another fight with Eva? When I worked at
Borders, Ilene would play Velvet Underground's All Tomorrow's Parties
repeatedly in the store, dedicating it to me. Mean but true.

As I was nose diving into the pit of it's-my-birthday & I'll-cry-if-I-want-
to, I felt another unfamiliar feeling. Something warm - no, hot - under
my foot on the beach. I quickly ran into the water trying to wash it
off. Didn't work. I tried to rub it off with my other foot - but it
just spread to my other foot. At first I thought it was dog shit. But it
wasn't coming off. I tried to get it off with my hands but it quickly
spread to them. I smelled it - TAR. Natalie was taking pictures and trying
her best not to laugh as I sat on the beach trying to get it off with a
stick. Suddenly my hands and feet were covered in tar about a 100 feet
from Sarah Silverman and the fucking independent spirit awards!

I walked barefoot to the bathroom on the pier - thus picking up
a big splinter in my right foot. The bathrooms where out of paper
towels and soap - it was Saturday after all. Plus all of the bathrooms
on the pier only have cold running water. Grabbing some toilet paper,
I wrapped my feet before putting my socks and shoes on. Trying not
to cry, I was having a birthday wobbler.

Webbles wobble but they don't fall down so Natalie and I went to
'The Counter' in Santa Monica where according to our friend Oprah
and her "friend" Gayle, we would find some of the best burgers in
the WHOLE country. Oprah must've told several of her friends, 'cause
the place was packed.

After a long wait, in which I scrubbed the tar off my hands in the
bathroom, we had some pretty amazing burgers. (They have veggie
burgers too!) We were already laughing about my battle on the
beach with tar. I thought about how I'd grown up in the tar heel
state managing somehow to never step in it.

Later, while scrapping tar off my feet in the bathtub, I thought
about how Sarah Silverman's on stage persona reminds me of some
well-meaning North Carolina friends and relatives. When they say
things like "he's a great doctor - for a Mexican." The difference
being, of course, that they don't realize what they're saying and
Silverman is making fun of them not realizing what they're saying.
Perhaps that's why her brand of comedy feels like a twisted version
of home. I also thought while in tub ( I was in there a while) that
the damn tar had served as a reminder to me - of where I'm from.

There are so many desperate people in this town - that's my least
favorite thing about LA - not the traffic or smog. Most of us
live our lives with at least a small portion of quiet desperation.
But here, the desperation is deafening. People ready, willing and able
to bend over and take it up the ass to get a part, get noticed or
get promoted. I saw it first hand on a film set last month. People willing
to be anything, do anyone, eat anything or starve just to get five minutes.
(It's no longer fifteen, Andy.)

Call it a southern stubbornness engrained in my blood. The Chicago
Punk that is now my heart-beat. The Bostonian elitism now playing in
in my mind... I cannot bend, break, beg, kneel, swallow or take any shit
for five minutes in the sun and some fancy swag. Not when what I want
is a lifetime of growth as a human, friend, lover and artist.

No matter how much I want to be under that big tent, I can never,
EVER forget who I am or where I'm from. That's where the good shit, the
truth comes from. Instead of trying to forget, once and for all, I need
to embrace. That's the only way into the tent for me. So close and yet
so tar...

- Jennie Rebecca

Whatever news you had
Whatever shoes you had
Whatever made you mad enough
On the promenade you can
Give it a rest
Give it a seat
Or in the glass you can cut your feet
Pop a knee
Flesh torn
And everything else seems
A little worse for worn
A simple thing, I admit
Out I never did figure it
I can tell that I'm about to
I can tell when I'm without you

- Michael Penn, from Resigned

2006-03-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

Organic Chemistry

My toes are still curled up from that kiss between Josh and Donna
Sunday night on the West Wing. I don't think I've ever been so
excited over a kiss that did not involve me. PLEASE will you all
remind me in May when I'm crying in my Jamba Juice over the
loss of the West Wing, that if the show hadn't been cancelled
in this way, then my favorite two characters would not have
hooked up finally - 6.5 years in the making. And that's
straight from the executive producer's (John Wells') mouth.
Having the show cancelled half way into the season, allows
them to wrap things up in a nice little Josh-n-Donna bow
for us hard to please, die hard, full metal West Wingers.

While the rest of the universe was waiting for the premiere
of the sixth season of the Sopranos, I pined for the West Wing -
as nervous as Josh Lyman and as excited as Donna Moss.
What a night - perhaps for me the biggest TV night of the year -
the West Wing returning with THE KISS and it's final ten episodes,
the Sopranos returning for part one of it's final season (and what a
return it made.) And Big Love's debut featuring Chloe Sevigny.

Now I know I swore I'd never watch the Sopranos after Adriana's
offing - even though we all knew she had to go. I was
upset at the thought of never hearing her say "Christofuh"
again - except on DVD, of course. Well I decided a little
Drea de Matteo is better than none at all (except on the
horrible Joey which even I can't watch.) I knew she'd
be back in snippets as a ghostly dream - you don't fool
me David Chase! (Although the bang at the end got me.
Nice touch.)

Actually this morning while meditating - or attempting to -
I thought about Drea de Matteo (Soprano's Adriana) and
Janel Moloney (West Wing's Donna Moss) playing
my two favorite characters on my two all time favorite shows.
Two shows that are filled with amazingly rich characters played
by extremely talented actors. Yet these two are my favorite.

What's interesting is that both started out on their series in
very minor roles. Neither one was slated to become a
regular cast member. Moloney didn't appear in the opening
credits until season two - and then they spelled her name
wrong on the season two opener. (Useless trivia that you'll never,
ever need.) But they both were given bigger roles and story-lines
because the audience (ME) responded to them, as well
as the other actors on the shows. Their characters or roles
on the shows weren't planned or forced. Their evolutions
were natural, organic... and I should probably stop here
with analyzing it. Just enjoy what's left of their work on
these wonderful series and of course, we'll always have
DVD.

Claire: Did you use that conditioner I brought you?
Catherine: No, shit, I forgot.
Claire: It's my favorite. You'll love it, Katie. I want
you to try it.
Catherine: I'll use it next time.
Claire: You'll like it. It has jojoba.
Catherine: What is jojoba?
Claire: It's something they put in for healthy hair.
Catherine: Hair is dead.
Claire: What?
Catherine: It's a dead tissue. You can't make it healthy.
Claire: Whatever, it's something that's good for your hair.
Catherine: What, a chemical?
Claire: No, it's organic.
Catherine: Well it can be organic and still be a chemical.
Clarie: I don't know what that is.
Catherine: Haven't you ever heard of organic chemistry?
Claire: It makes my hair feel, look, and smell good. That's
the extent of my information about it. You might like it
if you decide to use it.

- from PROOF, by David Auburn

2006-03-02T11:37:00.000-08:00

OSCAR - the grouch

It's almost time. To sit back and marvel once again as
an amazingly transcendent performance (Felicity Huffman in
TransAmerica) is passed over for a slightly above
average impersonation (Reese Witherspoon playing Reese
Witherspoon playing June Carter Cash in Walk the Line).

It's ALMOST enough to make me not watch.
Natalie thinks I'm wrong and justice will be served
Sunday. Felicity will win. I hope she's right but
I don't think so. Plus, the fact that it would
be an UPSET if Ms. Huffman wins is well,
upsetting. TransAmerica as a film was flawed
but her performance is the best leading actress
performance I've seen since
Charlize Theron in Monster.

Fearless predictions and gripes:

Best Actress
Should win: Felicity Huffman, TransAmerica
Will win: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
Should NOT have been nominated: Charlize Theron,
North Country
(Her "North Country" accent only seemed to be present
in her scenes with Fran. What has happened to
her since Monster?)
Should have been nominated: Laura Linney, The Squid and The Whale

Best Picture
Should win: Capote
Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Should have been nominated: MATCH POINT,
the best film of the year in my not humble opinion

Best Actor
Should win: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Will win: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
(I actually - believe it or not - have no problem at all
with this category EXCEPT that Russell Crowe
and Jeff Dainels were just as good as most of the nominees
for their roles in Cinderella Man and The Squid and the Whale.
It was a strong year for the men.)

Best Supporting Actress
Should win: Amy Adams, Junebug
Will win: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardner
Should have been nominated: Anne Hathaway should have
gotten the nod over her Brokeback Mountain cast-mate Michelle Williams.
Her performance was the best of that film. And also, my personal
favorite supporting performance of the year, Hope Davis for Proof.

Best Supporting Actor
Should win: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Will win: George Clooney, Syrianna
Should not have been nominated: Didn't believe
Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback, found William Hurt
laughable in Violence - and I usually love William
Hurt.

Best Director
Will win: Ang Lee
I won't argue with this BUT Woody Allen
directed the best movie of the year - like him
or not.

Original Screenplay:
Should win: Match Point or The Squid & the Whale
Will win: Crash

Adapted Screenplay:
Should win: Capote
Will win: Brokeback Mountain (or as my mom calls it,
Bareback Mountain)

xoxo
- the grouch

2006-02-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...
(it) is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask
ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
and fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does
not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about
shrinking so other people won't feel insecure around you...
It's not just within some of us, it's in everyone. When we
let our light shine, we unconsciously give to other people
permission to do the same. When we are liberated from
our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. "

- Marianne Williamson

2006-02-19T08:59:00.000-08:00

FUCK FITNESS (AND THEN THERE WAS HOPE)

I admit it. I'm procrastinating finishing my latest script. I've spent
the last several weeks creating this world in the script and I want to
hang out in it a little longer. The characters have become
friends - or friend like - and I'm not ready to let go just yet.
For me, that's the hardest thing about writing. Letting go of the
world you create. So I'll just hang out there for a bit longer.
My goal was to finish it by the end of football season.
Now it's become my way of coping without the grand
distraction of the NFL.
(Yes the script has a bit to do with football along with
earthquakes, sexuality (of course), Drag Queens at the
YMCA and munchkins. See why I hesitate to leave?! )

So that was the plan - finish the script by the Super Bowl. Of course,
the Colts were supposed to win the Super Bowl. The West Wing
wasn't supposed to be cancelled just yet. But John Spencer
died and Peyton Manning lost his shit. (Again.) I can't help
thinking back to October. The future was so bright.
The Colts were undefeated and the West Wing was getting good
reviews again. I was juggling my writing with my new job -
personal training at Equinox.

Last year, Equinox was ranked the #1 gym in America by Fitness
Magazine among others. The gym, location (Pasadena - home of the
Rose Bowl), and the job itself all seemed promising. I was
excited, hopeful. I had executed my plan for 2005 without
missing a beat. In January, after a trip to Los Angeles,
I decided I would get certified as a personal trainer,
move to Los Angeles, making my living as
a trainer while writing. So I spent my last months in
Boston studying, preparing and by August, I was
a certified Personal Trainer.

In late August, Natalie and I moved to Los Angeles.
Like most moves, it was from hell. We showed up
to a filthy apartment - so filthy that if I ever come across
the people that left it in that condition, I will beat them to a
bloody pulp. Pigeons had nested on our new, bird-shit covered
balcony. (Never mind the Griffith Observatory view.) The rest of the
apartment was crawling with. . . well I'll let those of you that don't know,
imagine. Natalie cried at the site of it all which of course made me
want to die. Our building manager didn't seem to care about
pigeons, bugs or well, anything really. Welcome to Los Angeles!

So we cleaned, and cleaned and cleaned. That took two weeks.
I wish I was exaggerating this one. Then we went to IKEA and spent what
felt like another two weeks putting together furniture. About that time,
the movers showed up with our stuff from Boston. Well with everything
but my box of files and scripts. Thank god I save everything on my
computer and make multiple copies.

Then it was time to job hunt. By early October I had three
job offers to work as a personal trainer from a 24 hour fitness in
Hollywood, a women's gym in Glendale and Equinox.
The choice was easy. On October 11th, I started
working at Equinox as a personal trainer just ten months
after setting my goal - mission accomplished. October
seemed so full of hope - it's like I could see the end of
January clearly. Making money as a trainer, finishing the script,
the Colts in the Super Bowl, West Wing still on a roll.

November hit - and even though I'm no where near snow,
I felt buried beneath an avalanche. I had one day off
from Equinox for the whole month. I was suddenly working
long hours - some days paid, some days not. I was being
groomed for fitness success. I had clients at 5 a.m.
through to 7 p.m. - on the same days. I was getting up at 4 a.m.
chugging coffee, rushing to the gym, training, coming
home around lunch, taking a nap, getting up at 4 p.m.,
chugging coffee, rushing to the gym, training, coming
home, going to bed.

It became clear fast that this "healthier" lifestyle (as opposed to
bar-tending, for example) was anything but. People kept saying
stick it out, wait and see, it'll get easier. But I talked to and watched
the trainers that had been at Equinox for three years. They were
tier 3's - the highest level a trainer can be at Equinox.
They were great trainers, too. They knew their shit. But they
were sleeping in their cars in between clients cause their days
were so long. They were burnt out and could barely
force a smile to me or anyone.

And then there were the clients - Pasadena, old money, spoiled, and
hard to please. On one of my particularly long days - I'd been at the
gym since 5 a.m. - I got a call at 7:10 p.m.. It was my 7:30pm. client
saying she was in Burbank getting her nails done. She was gonna be late.
Could I wait for her? Fuck no.

On the drive home that night, I coined the phrase (at least until I
come across someone else who thought of it first) FUCK FITNESS.
Like all great words, phrases and terms, FUCK FITNESS
has a double meaning. From Jennie's Dictionary:

FUCK FITNESS 1) The activity of fornicating to burn calories and
stay in shape. One burns an average 110 calories per hour having sex.
Calorie expenditure is increased with the heart rate.
Red wine increases the heart rate, for example, so an hour of sex
after two glasses of red wine can burn as many as 250 calories,
possibly more.
2) My attitude working as a personal trainer at Equinox after just 6 weeks.

I did stick it out a while longer, listening to the voices within
and without: Don't be a quitter, Don't give up, what if it
gets better? By mid January it was not better. It was quite
worse. A few new trainers had been hired - because a
few trainers had quit or been fired. High turnover is never
a good sign. The members were talking about one new
trainer being fat. She wasn't fat, she was very young,
and still had some baby fat in places.
But the members are hard-core.

There were members who were at the gym more
than I was - morning, lunch time and night. I started to
hate working out. I worked out less, I gained 3 pounds.
I started to feel awful about myself. I was telling my clients
to do one thing and doing the opposite. It was hysterical
and miserable. In just three months, I had enough material
to write about working at a gym. And I 'd had enough.

Still, I sat debating, one mid-Jan day, in the Equator cafe,
off the main strip - Colorado Blvd. - in Pasadena, just four
blocks from Equinox. (Too far for most Equinox peeps to
walk to - they can work out three times a day
but not walk four blocks for coffee, going to the 2 block
closer Starbucks instead.)

So I'm sitting in Equator debating - should I stay or
should I go now. My heart wanted to give notice and chalk it up as
more writing material and life experience. I had succeeded in executing
my plan perfectly. I just didn't like the destination once I got there. Still
there were the voices - well meaning - stay, don't quit, maybe it will get better.
What I needed was - a sign. Advice. Words of wisdom. A force.

I couldn't write for the voices so I looked in Natalie's green backpack
which I'd been carrying. There was an Entertainment Weekly from
December. I'd kept it with me wanting to read an interview
with Hope Davis. I decided to see what Hope had to say since
I couldn't deal with my own thoughts or voices.
In this interview to my amazement, she started talking
about why she works out at the YMCA as opposed to my
current place of employment.
" A year and a half a go, I joined Equinox, and I went
three times and never again, I felt so out of shape. It's like,
Where are these people from? I just can't deal with it.
But at the Y, they have a great gym, and a great pool and
it's old guys there, and people of all colors.
It's not these little gym goddesses - it's filled with
regular people. "

It was a sign. It was a message. It was Hope. I decided then and
there, that it was time for me to fly. I did not want to be a little gym
goddess - not even as a day job - I want to fuck with the eagles.
Within a week, I quit Equinox and started interning on a feature film.
(Another entry, another time.)

If you wanna fuck with the eagles . . .

- Jennie Nayslayer

2005-12-11T17:50:00.000-08:00

What (or Who) Really Went Down at Eastland, Circa 1981

INT. THE GIRLS’ DORM ROOM - EVENING

Jo storms in, slamming the door. She’s pissed.
Blair opens door, comes in, shuts door.

BLAIR
How dare you walk away from me like that -
in the lunchroom - in Public. What on earth
will people think?!

JO
That’s all that matters to you, Blair.

BLAIR
It's called good manners, Jo. You should get some.

JO
I’m sick of this shit. All that matters to you is how you look.

BLAIR
(looking into the mirror)
Well, when you look like I do -

JO
You're a real piece of work, Warner.

BLAIR
(flipping her hair)
I Know.

JO
You don't really care about anyone else and yet you care what everyone
else thinks. It makes no fucking sense.

Jo grabs her jacket.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Tootie is in the hallway, listening at the door, as usual.

BLAIR (O.S.)
Where are you going?

Tootie backs away, thinking Jo is coming out of the room. .

CUT TO:

INT. THE GIRLS’ DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS

JO
Away from you.

BLAIR
Wait.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Tootie moves closer to the door.

CUT TO:

INT. THE GIRLS’ DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Jo waits for Blair to give her a reason to stay.

BLAIR
(batting her eyelashes)
Is this about my flirting with Tommy Lane? You know what a flirt I am -
it’s part of my charm.

JO
You can go flirt with Mrs. Garrett for all I care.

BLAIR
Then this is still about that GLAD thing. Why on earth would you ever want to
belong to a club that only has three members?

JO
I’m proud of who I am, Blair. And aside from the fact that it’s YOU I’m involved with,
I’m proud of how I feel. I’m sick of hiding it.

BLAIR
I am president of the Student Body AND the Fine Arts club AND the Junior Civitan
AND the Key Club . . . Not to mention -

JO
Right - you have a responsibility to set a good example for others!

BLAIR
My responsibility is to my name. My family - my father would disown me if -

JO
That’s what this is about. You’re afraid of your father finding out
and freezing your Mastercard.

Silence.

JO
I can’t do this anymore Blair. I can’t sneak around. Meeting
you here when Tootie and Natalie are in class. . .
Watching you get ready for “dates” with boys you care
nothing about. Spraying your perfume on my books
and tools - drives me fucking crazy!

Jo moves to leave. Blair blocks her. Jo tries to move her out of the way but Blair won’t budge. Jo slams Blair against the door and they kiss passionately.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Tootie jumps back at the slam against the door. Tootie’s eyes are popping out of her head. She can’t believe - or, uh, understand - what she’s just heard. She backs away down the hall very quickly.

To be Continued . . .